Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transparent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world. ~ Sara Ban Breathnach

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Week III - Day 2 - The Shadow of the Cup - The Evening Review.

I stumbled across some words by Jimmy Buffet today that caused me to pause...and then reflect about being in THIS moment:
" I bought a cheap watch from the crazy man floating down canal.It doesn't use numbers or moving hands, it always says now.Now, you may be thinking that I was had, but this watch is never wrong.And if I have trouble the warranty said:Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On."
Earlier today I read:  Being in the wilderness, Brian Taylor says, requires that we become aware of our feelings and attitudes. Our questions of God can quickly turn into rejections of God. Trusting God often means that we deliberately take time to get a compass reading on our feelings and emotions.(

A compass reading on my feelings and emotions.

I shared with my youngest daughter this morning about today's reading and that I had identified one thing in my shadow as being "fear." Since then, I have continue to consider what fear is and what it keeps me from, every time I reach for something...and I see a shadow.  Marianne Williamson has written about fear in a way that has blessed me before...and has again today.  Our Deepest Fear. Wow...AMEN.

It is "Holy Work" to move past your own fear..."

It is Holy Work to wrestle with these thoughts, insights, and questions Joyce offers through these devotional readings.

I had not thought of  the time spent with a cup and journal as doing Holy Work. Holding that insight, gives the time I am spending reading, searching for images and songs, and journaling a new feel, a new importance.  Yet, in many ways I should not be surprised.   The Breathprayers invite the Holy to be present.  This evening, after a long and thought filled day:
Breathing in: Loving Presence.....Breathing out: ....I want to grow.
1. How open or aware was I to the presence of God in my day?
2. What kind of nourishment did I receive? What kind of nourishment did I give?
3. Does anything need to be emptied out in order for me to be at peace tonight?  
4. For what do I thank God as I prepare to enter into sleep?

Earlier today I was frantically searching, much like the woman searching for her lost coin, except what I was searching for really was not important except for my peace of mind.  I became discouraged and defeated as the search came up empty.  Then...when I had given youngest daughter produced the objects.  And she found them where I had originally thought they were placed only when I looked I looked past them.

I did not sense God in my searching and not finding.

Honestly, I was so paralyzed by all my negative thoughts, that when they were found, I was not even "present" enough to celebrate. And that saddens me.  Yet, that moment is past and I cannot go back and recreate the gift of "the lost being found." I can, however, continue to learn.

The love and commitment of my daughter was blessed nourishment today.  I pray that I was able to return at least a portion of that love back to her as the day progressed.

Listen....and smile.
I was nourished by my walk outside today.  It was still cold, but the song of a couple of red-winged blackbirds fed my soul.

I watched the smoke from a burning ditch drift into the sky, creating lacy tails, like on a kite, swinging to and fro. I watched intently, expecting a red kite to suddenly appear above the dancing strands of smoke.

And then there was a big fat groundhog.  He was totally oblivious to his audience as he searched for some tasty snack along the creek bed.  I wondered at his thick coat.  I thought back to the damage done in our garage by one of this guy's brothers last year...and considered his teeth!

I was nourished and felt peaceful, returning to my WARM home.

Again, it feels as though I need many more days reflecting on my shadow and the fears that prevent me from totally being present...from totally loving the child of God that is "me."  Perhaps that is what I want to empty out this evening, the feeling that I need to do more, to think more, to write more.... Perhaps I can empty this out, creating space for God to teach me the same lesson, in a different way...or perhaps he wants to teach me a new lesson that will build on the lesson from today.

Thinking of kites and what is possible when I let go and allow God to freely work within my golly...when he is in control, I can fly! Amazing Kite Flying

God, teach me how to live without fear, to live acknowledging my shadow and learning from that shadow. God, teach me how to give myself over to you, trusting you to guide me through that I can fly! For tonight, God of love and peace, give me and those who are reading Joyce's book, good rest and a peaceful sleep.  AMEN.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

1 comment:

  1. Amazing Kite Flying -WOW! It was a refreshing surprise.