The Introduction of a Tree Full of Angels - II

Scottish Historian
1795 - 1881

"Wonder is the basis of worship." ~ Thomas Carlyle

I have referred to her as a Sister of Spirit, sometimes I wonder if she is a Soul Sister. This morning I was greeted by several videos from Youtube and many short reflections on this book.  The last video she acknowledged is "not my style" yet she thought it so fitting with this book.  I logged on, and she was right, but then I discovered the same song by Reba McEntire. I do Reba. A Sky Full of Angels and this is a fun way to begin a Monday morning!

Last week I journaled about the first part of Macrina's introduction.  I decided I had all my head and heart could hold; especially with the images/thoughts of "the altar of daily life" and "living under the eye of God".  I have wondered how I can possibly walk this path, but then I continue reading and Macrina shares that my heart can be fed...with "crumbs".  Oh do I wish I knew how to draw within a blog!

But, to back up just a bit...

Macrina writes that there are two things that I must embrace to find God's saving grace.

"Crumbs" can bless and feed
me if I am "present"

1. Embrace/Recognize that there is an "ache" within my heart for God.  Macrina believes that this ache resides within every heart. (I might use the word "emptiness"...which could also produce an "ache."
2. That I have a "gift"; a gift of my frailty and my splendor, to bring to this ache. 

Macrina says the "ache" in my heart must be fed AND that "crumbs" are sufficient.  She describes these crumbs as:

"...those small things that the world would toss aside, seeing little value in them. However, to the one who lives under the eye of God, they are far from valueless...the person who has learned to see with inner eyes there are no leftovers.  Everything in life can be nourishing.  Everything can bless us, but I have got to be there for the blessing to occur. Being present with quality is a decision we are invited to make each day." (Macrina Wiederkehr, A Tree Full of Angels, p xiii)

Clutter = Knotted Thoughts

 Being present...Joyce Rupp, and other teachers, continue to talk to me about the challenge of "busyness", of all the distractions - the clutter that work to keep me from being present the sacred that is around me every day.  I have referred to these things as "demons" within me that are just as powerful as the demons I read about in scripture.  Loosening the grip, the influence, of these demons on my heart is a never ending task...it is not easy. Yet, making this decision and doing my best to feed my soul in order to accomplish this, is a kind of salvation.  Macrina writes that it can save me from many kinds of death:

"...the death of apathy and mediocrity, the death of carelessness, the death of boredom, the death of selfishness, the death of meaningless.  There is nothing so healing in all the world as real presence. Our real presence can feed the ache for God in others." (Ibid)

 I never thought of being present as healing...hummm.  Although I speak of "God's healing presence."...

Fields to plant, children to feed, house to clean, yard to mow
I became so busy I was missing the wonder, the crumbs...

Thinking in terms of the ache, that Macrina says is in my heart, I can see that being present to the one who created me, the one who holds all I see and have...being present to that being would be healing.  I can remember that ache when I went to college.  I began walking across campus to attend University Presbyterian Church.  I was so amazed to discover worship I had not experienced as a teen.  Feelings similar to ones I had experienced at church camp, once again surfaced in my heart. But then...I became so caught up in "doing" as a young adult, that I ignored the "ache"...kind of.  I remember listening to Christian radio, following Bible teachers like Jay Vernon McGee, Praise Gathering...searching for something but I wasn't sure what that something was...

Presence.  Healing Presence.

"This is a book about seeing and harvesting. Seeing the holy in the ordinary! Harvesting angels out of crumbs! Spending your days in the fast lane of life impairs the quality of your seeing...You live in a world of theophanies. Holiness comes wrapped in the ordinary. There are burning bushes all around you. Every tree is full of angels. Hidden beauty is waiting in every crumb." (Ibid)

My yard is FULL of these crumbs, how many have
I stopped to notice? REALLY notice in order to be fed?

Wow...she continues...

"Life wants to lead you from crumbs to angels, but this can happen only if you are willing to unwrap the ordinary by staying with it long enough to harvest its treasure." 

Just in case I miss her point, Macrina offers me some wonderful examples:

If this is true, I hope they are
not the SAME mistakes!

• a spider web, wearing the mourning's dew
• a mistake, reflected upon and learned from
• reconciliation after a quarrel
• an autumn tree letting go of her leaves
• a spring tree putting leaves on again
• a wound, embraced and understood.

"The question remains. Will I be there? Will I be there with my eyes open? Will I unwrap the gift of the ordinary? Will I gather up the crumbs? Will I harvest the angels hidden in those crumbs?" (Wiederkehr, p xiv)

"Glory" reflected from simple glass beads.

One of the learnings from my last car accident was that each day is a gift for me to unwrap AND that it is my choice as to if and how I unwrap that gift.  I have shared that with others so many times!  Now, Macrina is giving me back my words.  She is reminding me of the learning I gained from that terrible experience....blessings that came from pain and tears.

"The incredible gift of the ordinary! Glory comes streaming from the table of daily life. Will I be there to catch the rays or will I remain blind to the holy because I am too busy to see? Am I too busy with my own agenda to let God's agenda bless me?" (Ibid)

This is how it is with blessings,
they just keep going, and going....

Macrina tells me that one of the treasurers she is intent on helping me harvest is the seed of my own goodness, my possibility for splendor.  I never thought of "me" having a possibility for splendor.  I don't think I have ever thought of "me" and "splendor" in the same sentence! What strikes me next is Macrina's thinking back to blessings, to "confirmations" of her writing this book and how she asked a blessing on the contents from the author of an old book, a Jesuit by the name of Raoul Plus.  She writes that we ought not take "experiences" (I think she might have said "coincidences"). She tells how Raoul Plus blessed her and in turn, so am I. That is how it is...I can make a difference in this world..."I" can change this world by being present.  When I am present and receiving the blessings of the crumbs that are all around me, I in turn then pass that blessing on...

Faith and Courage = Trust

"This brings me to the heart of this book, which is trusting the God who speaks to us (me) in our experiences at every moment." (Ibid)

There is that word again! TRUST!

Macrina shares that from childhood she has had an insatiable desire to know, yet she did not automatically believe everything she was taught.  WHOA! Does this remind you of Thomas from scripture? "I asked questions, though more often in the depths of my soul than aloud. My desire for knowledge and my yearning for the truth encouraged me to spend lots of time with my soul." (Wiederkehr, p xv)

Eugene Peterson and Jesus

Eugene Peterson, one of my favorite teachers has written a great book, "Eat This Book - a conversation in spiritual reading"

“‘Son of man, eat this book that I am giving you. Make a full meal of it!’ So I ate it. It tasted so good—just like honey,” Ezekiel 3:1-15.

I want to also hold Peterson's wisdom in my hand as I hold this book of Macrina's.  There are so many thoughts and unless I read slowly, chewing on the ideas and images...the memories that come to mind, I will have done nothing more than "read" a book.

I was on vacation during the last week of April.  I wish I had kept track of the number of times someone asked, "So, what did you DO on your vacation?"  Our culture expects me to "DO" something with nearly every minute of my day.  Studying the underneath side of a dandelion would be seen as a hopeless waste of time by many.  Someone asked me recently why it is "we", as a culture seem to judge things negatively so much. I don't know, in so many ways society is negative, we look for the bad instead of building up the positive.

This "critical" eye of expectations

 I couldn't help but smile when I found this cartoon. It is a political statement, but when I ignore that, I can see some truth that is helpful for me to remember. Think about it, San...think how the "critical/judgmental" eye of "expectations" is very different than living under the eye of God. 

"DOG" backwards is "GOD" : )

Many times, I would sit and talk to my beloved Riley...I told people that I thought he had God's eyes.  His eyes always were listening.  His eyes were attentive, watching my face as I shared. His eyes were always loving, never judgmental. 

I miss that big guy so much....In many ways Riley was a reminder for me to notice the Angels in the Trees...to notice the holy in the ordinary.  While there was nothing ordinary about my dirty and smelly rotty...he was "just" a dog...an ordinary dog who blessed my life every time I stopped to notice.

"You are a dwelling place for the Source of All Life. You are an offspring of the One who said, 'I Am who I Am.' If the One who gave you birth lives within you, surely you can find some resources there in your sacred Center. An expert lives within you. An expert breathes out of you. Are you able to be still enough to become intimate with the One who lives within?...Frail dust, remember, you are splendor!" (Wiederkehr, p xvi)

God, with your Spirit's help, I am not going to hurry through this book.  I am not setting any expectation of time. Lord, help me to savor the words and the insights so that I might discover you all around me...and within me. Help me remember I am living under your eye...which is loving, accepting, encouraging, and supportive. AMEN.

Another song my Soul Sister blessed me with this morning. The video she sent was doing funny things on my computer, so I have included a different one...that I think speaks so well of noticing the ordinary...and discovering the holy.  Watch for the hungry baby bird...God, let that be me...hungry for your Word! : )

Steven Curtis Chapman - Be Still 

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week IV - Day 4 - The Unmendable Cup

A Doubter's Dictionary

The unexpected surprises of writing this Lenten journal just keep coming my way.  This morning, I have received two gifts, one a quote by Frederick Buechner from "Whistling in the Dark."

“Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling the secret of who you are, but more often than not of the mystery of where you have come from and are summoning you to where you should go next.”

The second, I am still not sure about.  It comes from a group called Lifehouse. Wikipedia says they are an alternative band from the west coast but other than that, I don't know anything about them, except...I find the words to the songs I have listened to be haunting.

Joyce begins today's lesson saying, "Sometimes there are parts of our lives that are unmendable. Like the old Humpty Dumpty rhyme, we cannot always put the pieces of our life back together again, at least not in the same way that they were before. " (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 99)

I did not want to continue reading.  I am an idealist who wants to believe "I" can fix whatever is broken if I only work hard enough or do the right thing. Yet, the situations that Joyce lists...

Brokenness that cannot be restored.

closed institutions, lost jobs, shattered relationships, loved ones who have died, dreams never brought to birth, and permanent bodily changes from disease, aging, or accidents

  are all situations that cannot be restored.

Still, Joyce says, Although we may not be able to put the old pieces of a situation, event, or experience back together again, we can still mend our spirits. (Ibid)


The Serenity Prayer expresses the vital truth that we need wisdom to know when something is unmendable and when we can "know" this, we can begin to heal.  Old hurts, heartaches, memories, destructive behavior and any other deep wound doe not have to break us apart forever.

I have journaled several times in the past few weeks of finding a new inner strength.  It is not for the fainthearted to step forward toward wholeness...because some times those steps mean leaving someone or something behind or to take action to put pieces back together again...accepting my responsibility within the brokenness. But then there are other times when our woundedness comes from situations that CANNOT be mended. Joyce says,

"...there comes a time when we have to cease our attempts to put those pieces of our life together. The healing of our spirit will come when we let go of the past, stop trying to have things be as they used to be, get on with our lives, and tend to what is before us." (Rupp, p 100)

The Twelve Step Program has a step of making an "inventory" of your life.  Joyce uses that same idea today, suggesting that today can be a day to take an inventory of my life to see if there are any fragments that cannot be mended and, if so, to give them my good-bye.

Looking at this image I thought how saying good-bye is a little like the Yes/No.  Saying good-bye allows me to say hello to something new.


Breathprayer:
Breathing in: Let the past be...
Breathing out: ...let the past be.


Reflection:
Ponder the cup as it lays on its side before you.
Is there anything in your life that seems unable to "rise-up."
Think about the possibility of it not being mendable.
Are you at peace with letting go of it?
Ask God for what you need in order to be healed.

Pick up the cup and hold it, upright, in your hands.
Ask God to give you wisdom and courage to let go of any old pain and difficulties that keep you in bondage.

Behold, I am doing a new thing!

Scripture: Isaiah 43:14-21
Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

Journaling:
Pieces of my life that I cannot "fix" and need to leave behind me are...


Write a dialogue with a part of your "broken" past.


Dear God, please grant me wisdom to know...

Dear God, so many situations have filled my heart as I have written, read, and listened to the various videos, thoughts, insights that  have come my way this morning.  Expectations that have not been fulfilled within relationships.  Expectations of myself.  Expectations of institutions and organizations.

Expectations....

I found this funny little bird that actually holds a lot of truth, that I do not want to consider.

God, yesterday was a grand example of "my" expectations of myself, being unrealistic.  I constantly compare myself to women my own age and think, "If they can do this, then I SHOULD be able to do this!"  I really get discouraged with myself when women who are ten years older than I manage to do things that are difficult for me physically.  My spirit is willing....but this broken body of mine has limitations that I find difficult to accept.

Lord, yesterday I preached on the miracle of Lazarus' resurrection.  I preached that the miracle we ask for, does not always appear as we hope, yet...within all circumstances resurrection can occur and you can be glorified.

Help me to walk the talk.  Help me to accept that which I cannot change and to live fully within the gift of this day....not looking back....not looking forward....just being present in the moments I have now.

Help me to let go of expectations I have had of myself lately and to relax within the gifts of relationships...that my worrying about my next steps have made difficult.

Lord, help me to forgive myself...

Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ~ The Serenity Prayer


Today: Joyce asks that,  I will let go of one of the pieces of my past that cannot be mended.


The Wednesday Lunch Bunch has spent time reflecting on "Wisdom" within Joyce's book being referred to as "she".  I have explained that Wisdom/Spirit...is seen by many as the "female" side of God.  This morning, I thought others might have wondered about the "SHE" pronoun.

Lady Wisdom calls out to us...

In the Book of Proverbs, Wisdom is a woman.  “The Lord created me at the beginning of his work,” she says (Proverbs 8:22).  She was there when he made the heaven, the sea, the earth.  It was as if he needed a woman’s imagination to help him make them, a woman’s eye to tell him if he’d made them right, a woman’s spirit to measure their beauty by.  “I was daily his delight, rejoicing before him always,” she says (Proverbs 8:30), as if it was her joy in what he was creating that made creation bearable, and that’s why he created her first.

Wisdom is a matter not only of the mind but of the intuition and heart, like a woman’s wisdom.  It is born out of suffering as a woman bears a child.  It shows a way through the darkness the way a woman stands at the window holding a lamp.  “Her ways are ways of pleasantness,” says Solomon, then adding, just in case there should be any lingering question as to her gender, “and all her paths are peace” (Proverbs 3:17).

Prayers and blessings that your day holds a moment when you sense the presence of God, that you have a moment of Divine focus, and that you know peace within this journey.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi