Be Still, Child of God...

Make Me your Refuge by pouring out your heart to Me, trusting in Me at all times. ~ Psalm 62:8 (paraphrased by Sarah Young, Jesus Calling)

Be Still and Know by Steven Curtis Chapman

Be still and know that He is God Be still and know He is our Father Come rest your head upon His breast Listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love Beating for His little ones Calling each of us to come Be still Be still

Disfunction.

If someone tells me they have no disfunction in their family, I would most likely think they are either not normal or unaware of reality.

Some might think I have my act all together since I write about such things as God, seeking, scripture, spiritual journeys...

I write because I read scripture and I wonder... I write because it helps me think and reflect. I write because I don't have my head screwed on all the time!

Disfunction. I love my family intensely yet I know there is often stress when we are all together.  Add into our disfunction the death of a mother/grandmother...

This morning I got up at 4:15 so I could make coffee and see Daughter #2 before she headed for the airport. Turning on the lights, getting the coffee pot out (Yes, I prepare "perked" coffee in a nearly 40 yr old Corning Ware percolator!), putting the liner in and then measuring the coffee....all mindless tasks...I realized in my "mindlessness", my mind was singing Be Still and Know That I Am God over and over again to my heart.  Hearing the song, I stopped what I was doing.

be still.....

I stopped and reflected on the lyrics.

I stopped and thought, "My head seems to be watching over me this morning, giving my heart a familiar tune that offers words of truth for me to hold."

I thought, "Hummm, I wonder why?"

I thought, "San, are you nuts! You've been in tears, you have felt anxious and lonely. Be still and know...that is exactly what you are needing to hold right now in your crazy heart!"

This morning, as I sipped on my flavored coffee in my once again quiet house, I read from Sarah Young's devotional, Jesus Calling. Today's message is based on Psalm 55:17; Psalm 32:6; Psalm62:8:

Listen to the rhythm of
His unfailing heart of love.

I am the God of all time and all that is. Seek Me not only in morning quietness but consistently throughout the day. Do not lett unexpected problems distract you from My Presence. Instead, talk with Me about everything, and watch confidently to see what I will do. 

Adversity need not interrupt your communion with Me. When things go "wrong," you tend to react as if you're being punished. Instead of this negative response, try to view difficulties as blessings in disguise  Make Me your Refuge by pouring out your heart to Me, trusting in Me at all times.

 I don't feel as though I am being punished, but I feel sad because "I" think, "Everyone should get a long and be NICE!!!"

But my reality is different and one truth I do my best to remember is, "When I argue with reality, I lose, but only 100 percent of the time." ~ Byron Katie

I so appreciate the wisdom and insight of Byron Katie who also says:

"I am a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don't feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind and fearless."

not bored...but sad and frustrated

As an INFJ I can easily "imagine" how life "should" be and then feel tired, frustrated, hurt, tense...when life is different than what I had imagined. When I argue with what is.

So! This morning I am reminded to be still and know... I am reminded that when I allow myself to argue with what is, I end up feeling lonely, hurt, and sad.  When I "choose" to sit in that black and smelly pot of loneliness and hurt, I feel distant from God BECAUSE I have allowed the dynamics around me to distract me from his presence within and around me. This morning through scripture, song, and devotions, I am reminded that I can pour out my heart to God in trust and recover wholeness and balance. I can even take a deep breath...and SMILE!

And when I smile...I am once again feeling more sane and ready to walk into this day as a much loved and unique and gifted child of God!

Thank you for all the love you send my way! Thank you for the blessings of friends who listen, truth from songs, devotions and scripture. Thank you for my wonderful yet dysfunctional family! May they each regain a sense of peace in the days to come as they adjust to the void left by my mother-in-law's passing. Lord, bless me as I do my best to journey toward wholeness and balance in your presence. AMEN.

Thank you, for reminders such as Francesca Battitelli's reminder within Beautiful, Beautiful ...mercy reaching to save me...making my life something so beautiful, beautiful...though its pouring down I see  you through the clouds shining on my face...


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Gather Up the Crumbs - I - The Reason We Live So Dimly...

"...everything in your life is a stepping-stone to holiness if only you recognize that you do have within you the grace to be present in each moment." ~ Macrina Wiederkehr


Yes, EVERYTHING!

My Soul Sister reminded me that it is the "stuff" of my life that God uses to grow me...to transform me....

Francesca seems to have a smile with
all she writes and sings. 

This Is The Stuff by Francesca Battistelli I couldn't help but smile as I listened to this again this morning.  What a great song. Thank you, Sister!

Macrina hits fairly hard as she begins this third chapter:

"We stand in the midst of nourishment and we starve...In the light of such possibility, what happens? Why do we drag our hearts? Look up our souls? Why do we limp? Why do we straddle the issues? Why do we live so feebly, so dimly? Why aren't we saints?" (Macrina Wiederkehr, A Tree Full of Angels, p 26)

Makes me gasp, but I wonder
if I live like this far to often?

My head immediately responded, "Because I have not seen these possibilities. I am a Child of my World where it is acceptable, even normal to limp along. I am not sure what a Child of God is supposed to look like! I don't know if I've ever seen a Child of God!.................well.....I might have come across a few Child(s) of God but they were not all Christian.....  Now, that is putting myself in a hard spot first thing this Tuesday morning!

Macrina suggests that a common cause that we live so dimly and with divided hearts is that we have never really learned how to be present with quality to God, to self, to others, to experiences and events, to all created things.

No leftovers...

"We have never learned to gather up the crumbs of whatever appears in our path at every moment.We meet all of these lovely gifts only half there. Presence is what we are all starving for. Real presence! We are too busy to be present, too blind to see the nourishment and salvation in the crumbs of life, the experiences of each moment. Yet the secret of daily life is this: THERE ARE NO LEFTOVERS!" (Ibid)

Macrina continues, saying, "There is nothing - no thing, no person, no experience, no thought, no joy or pain - that cannot be harvested and used for nourishment on our journey to God."

This reminds me a lot of Joyce Rupp's thoughts on Disguised Blessings from The Cup of Life.  I never was able to completely brace those thoughts.

"Some of our greatest blessings have been difficult situations, uncomfortable ones we wanted to throw out of our lives as quickly as possible. Sometimes our greatest pain holds a gift for us that is hidden for a long, long time. The blessing is disguised amid the turmoil, confusion, heartache, and struggle. Sometimes we are unable to accept the blessing because we are still too hurt, too angry, too grieved, too overwhelmed, to receive it. It is only much later..." ~ Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life

Macrina, like Joyce, believes that everything in my life is a stepping-stone to holiness if only I recognize that I have within me the grace to be present to each moment.

"Your presence is an energy that you can choose to give or not give. Every experience, every thought, every word, every person in your life (Sandi) is a part of a larger picture of your growth. That's why I call them crumbs. They are not the whole loaf, but they can be nourishing if you give them your real presence. Let everything energize you (Sandi). Let everything bless you (Sandi). Even your limping can bless you." (Wiederkehr, p 27) 

Remember when I shared a thought of Eugene Peterson's from "Eat This Book"? In this book he talks about watching his dog gnaw and enjoy a bone.  Chewing on it, licking it, holding it between his paws...and he began to wonder what it would be like to read scripture like his dog chewed on and enjoyed a bone.

Here is a great link to listen to Peterson explain the difference between "reading" and "studying".  It was a gift for me to find it since he articulates so well what I have been trying to say to others about Bible "study."  I'm not a big fan of Bible "study"....   (I would love to visit/stay Laity Lodge!)

Anyhow, I have never "read" a book as slowly as I am reading A Tree Full of Angels. Since I am journaling about this book and the thoughts and questions that arise as I read...it takes a long time!  And you know what? That is not how I am normally geared.  It is nothing for me to say, "I've read two books this week." But, if you asked me about those books four weeks later... I would be pressed to tell you what I "read."

This morning, I realized I am doing more than "reading or studying" this book....I am eating this book.  I am chewing on phrases, insights, stories...

This past weekend I participated in leading a Lead Like Jesus One Day Encounter, based on Ken Blanchard's book, Lead Like Jesus. Blanchard talks about there being four domains of leading like Jesus, The Heart, The Head, The Hands, and The Habits. (4-Hers...does this sound familiar?)

Withing The Habits he talks about different spiritual disciplines. There are MANY disciplines AND I am not expected to embrace/do/excel at all the disciplines.  What I want to do is to discover the disciplines that work for me and use them to help me grow deeper in my relationship with myself and with God. Journaling is a spiritual discipline that works for me. And, journaling online helps me to stay faithful, there is an invisible accountability group around me that asks, "Sandi, have you done what feeds your soul?" "Sandi, have you taken time to be present to God?"  If I didn't have to work, I would love to publish a blog
on Spiritual Disciplines and maybe one focused only on journaling... maybe someday...

Michael is a gifted worship leader.

Until then...Lord, Draw Me Near, and I'll Run After You... Michael W Smith

Again....Anyhow, this is going to be a much slower read than I had even anticipated, and that is okay.  God won't ask me how many books I read.  He may ask what I learned from my books, how they helped me seek his face, ....

Many Blessings ~ Sandi