Week III - Day 1 - The Perfect Cup

Joyce's poem on page 68...that page alone could have been my lesson for this day.  Phrases that stood out for me:

"I will love you, for you, not for what you have done
or what you'll become."

"it is time for me to see the flaws of myself and stop being alarmed.""it is time for me to receive slowly evolving growth the kind that comes in God's own good time and pays no heed to my panicky pushing.""it is time for me to embrace my humanness to love my incompleteness""if I wait to be perfect before I love myself, I will always be unsatisfied and ungrateful" (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 68)

JJ Heller has a wonderful song that I suspect will also become an important part of this week's refection.  I hope you enjoy.What Love Really Means

For so long, I worked hard (and sometimes still fall into the trap) to be the perfect wife, mom, and Giz. To be the perfect Scout Leader, Room Mother, Elder, Post Prom Chair... To be the perfect...

 "it is time for me to embrace my humanness to love my incompleteness"

God, teach me love myself in my
humanness and in my incompleteness.

No matter how hard I try, I always come up short.  Sometimes in my own eyes and sometimes in the eyes of those I love or am striving to please.  I cannot be perfect.  I cannot remember everything.  I make mistakes.  God made me only human...and he loves me in my humanness and in my incompleteness.

Incompleteness is all around me.  I walked around my flower beds yesterday afternoon and was noticing that some areas did not fare well through this past winter.  This morning, however, I realize I was looking for perfection, or some notion in my head of what the flower beds "should" look like. I had made a mental note that if possible, I wanted to spend time today getting rid of some of the moss that has arrived this spring...uninvited... But this morning I am wondering if I might give myself permission to discover beauty within those same areas of my flower beds that caused a sense of restlessness and dissatisfaction yesterday.


"'Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect,' has been translated inaccurately. The actual text reads, 'Be whole as God is whole.' Wholeness implies a process, a gradual coming together into a oneness in which all the parts are integrated, but not necessarily perfect." (Rupp, p 69)




Breathprayer:
          Breathing in: Loved, loved...
          Breathing out: ....loved as I am

I watched a new Grandpa studying the
hands of his new little girl yesterday.  How
much more so God would lovingly study me.

Reflection:
        Holding my cup in my hands...
        Study the cup...
        Notice if there are any flaws or imperfections...
        Enjoy the cup...its color, shape, size...
        Imagine myself in God's hands...
        Imagine God observing me, studying me....
        Imagine God smiling and enjoying who I am....

Scripture: Psalm 139:13-14
For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am...wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works.


Journaling:
Make a list of your expectations of a) yourself, b) others.
Write a dialogue between God and the part of yourself that you especially struggle with accepting.
Dear God, when I picture you smiling and enjoying who I am, I...

As loving as my dad is...
God's love is greater still.

I am blessed to be the much loved daughter of the most wonderful dad.  I cannot imagine a daddy being any more loving, more protective, more generous...than my Dad.  God, when I picture you smiling and enjoying me...I picture my dad.... My dad, whose eyes always seem to light up a bit whenever I walk into his range of vision. My dad, whose eyes were distressed and grieved when he leaned over my hospital bed following a horrific car accident. My dad, who has held me and hugged me.  My dad, who has been the world to me...it is so hard to comprehend that your eyes, your touch, your hugs....would be all that plus so much more.  My dad loves me unconditionally...and I know that in every fiber of my being. Yet, you love me even more...

Striving for Perfection = Headaches

God, I get so frustrated when I screw up!  You have given me great gifts, yet I do not always use them wisely...and I know better!  I talk when I should listen.  I push when I should be still. I demand when I should be gracious. I react when I should pause...  Those are the things that make me crazy!  I say I want to please you, and then sometimes I forget you are here.

I expect myself to always be kind and gracious.  I expect myself to not judge...especially people, but situations and circumstances as well.  I expect myself to always get things done in a timely manner.  I expect my home to be neat and attractive.  I expect....  Geeze...I expect perfection!  No wonder my head hurts....all to often!

Prayer:  (Joyce's prayer is so perfect...)
Dear God, a long time ago I learned that you never make junk. You created me as a human person whose journey of life is the path to wholeness. This journey needs room for growth and space for evolving discovery. Each day is another opportunity to receive your help and your love as I become the person I am meant to be. Help me to love myself well and to entrust my growth to your guidance. Remind me often that I am "wonderfully made" (Ps 139:14)


Today:
I will not criticize or find fault with myself or others.


Ummmm Sounds as though I could use a dose of humbleness for this day.  "God dwells within me as me." Casting Crowns offers me a song to get my world tilted a bit more toward "wholeness" this morning.  It isn't about me...it is about Him. Who Am I - Casting Crowns


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week II - Day 4 - Readiness to Receive...Day 2

Feel like a dog is shaking me in his mouth.

I debated on skipping Day 4 so that I could be where I was "supposed" to be in the book, or not worry about the "supposed to be" of this day and simply be where I am.

I must be learning something, because once I began reading Day 4 I knew I was where I needed to be. A friend sent me this image yesterday, that I only found today since I felt to bad to even be on the computer. It definitely brought a smile and it pretty much looks like I feel today.

Be empty, and you will remain full.

Clay is molded into vessels, and because of the space where there is nothing, you can carry water. Space is carved out from a wall, and because of the place where there is nothing, you can receive light. Be empty, and you will remain full...  ~ Lao-Tsu

Wow...that last insight really caused me to pause..."Be empty, and you will remain full..."

Obviously, when I am "full" I cannot hold anything else.  It is only in the emptying, that I can receive God, and as I strive to empty myself, God is naturally going to fill me...over and over again.  God filling me is very different than "me" filling myself with stuff.

Oh, does this resonate with me!

I recently had a similar conversation to today's reading with two other women.  All three of us described our selves as a Type A and all three of us admitted how difficult it is to receive help.  We were all much more comfortable giving and organizing help for someone else.  Two of us had experienced being brought to our knees before we were ready to receive.  The third woman was just getting ready to learn about being brought to her knees.

Interesting enough, the two who had lived through and survived the experience, both admitted that it had been a valuable time of learning, much like the woman in Joyce's book who says, "I think that the greatest gift of my emptiness was that I could not give. Al I could do was receive."


One learns a sense of humbleness in receiving.  I am not sure we can receive when we are proud and self assured of what "I" can accomplish and get done.

"When we are empty and poor inside, we finally realize that we have to rely on someone else giving us what we need." (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 55)

I might have broken a bit, but  not
something I couldn't  "manage".

And what I learned...that applies to receiving from God as much as it applied receiving from others.  Basically, if I am able to stand on my own without help from any physical being, I most likely am going to forget how much I need God in my life as well.

That was a bitter pill for me to swallow, yet it was a lesson I desperately needed to learn at the time.  I have said that I wish I could have learned the lesson without the pain...without being brought to my knees.  But, I was a hard egg to crack.

"Eventually we learn how wonderful it is to receive and we become more open and receptive. We receive more graciously, accepting the gifts that we need for our growth. We become more confident because we learn that at the heart of all the gifts is the treasurer of Diving Love, poured out profusely into our open, emptied, readied hearts." (Ibid)

Breathprayer:
          Breathing in: I am ready......
          Breathing out: ...I receive

Reflection:

Hold the empty cup in your hands.Look at all the room the cup has for filling.Picture the inner part of yourself.Notice how much more room there is for filling.Hold the cup out before you in the gesture of a beggar.Ask God to fill you.Arise, go and slowly pour something in your cup (coffee, tea, water...)Come back and sit down.Receive and enjoy the contents of the cup. (Ibid) 

Scripture: Psalm 81:10, 16
Open your mouth wide and I will fill it....
I would feed you with the finest of wheat
and with honey from the rock
I would satisfy you.

Journaling:
Reflect on a time in your life when you felt very empty and received something you needed for your life. Describe the experience.
What do I find most difficult about receiving?
What would help me to be more ready to receive graciously? 


I had not read the journaling questions before I journaled my thoughts on the reading.  In many ways, I have already described a time when I was empty...brought to my knees, and I needed someone else to help me.  I was the receiver instead of the gifter. I must admit, reading the reflection piece, I was struck by the image of holding my cup out like a beggar.  Even after everything I have been through and everything I have learned...I still hesitated!

Dear God, help me with my pride!  Spirit of Growth and Transformation, help me to trust you so that I do not even hesitate to hold my cup out to you.

I wrote a few days ago that transformation is difficult, and it even is a bit painful.  It is painful to let go of our pride and that darned illusion of control that I, and maybe you, carry so well.

For me, the most difficult thing about receiving is the image of a beggar.  Yes, we have heard stories of those who take advantage of the system, but there are those who truly have nothing and rely on the grace of others to even exist...and I resist that dependency.  But, the good news is that even though I am a hard egg, God loves me and continues to gently nudge me toward "emptiness."

While I am more willing to receive graciously, I still have a long way to go. Yet, I know through the words and insights of teachers like Joyce Rupp, I can find my way toward wholeness as a beloved child of God.

Loving and Gracious Father, thank you for the opportunities to continue growing.  Help me to recognize the fears and anxieties that I carry deep in my heart...and to let them go.  God, may I be receptive to the outpouring of your love and wisdom, today...and in the days to come! AMEN!

Outpouring of God's amazing Love

"Today, when others offer me help in any form, I will receive it graciously and with gratitude."


Ummmm, I pray you and I have a deep and full day and that when another reaches out to put something in our cup, we can receive it with grace and with thankfulness.


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Day 5 - Evening Review

We do not want to be just ordinary!

Today, we were to notice something ordinary and to learn from it. This is a challenge, because we have a tendency to overlook things we consider to be ordinary. It is easy to overlook that which seems insignificant.

Not that mothers are ordinary, far from it!!! However, until someone is nolonger physically with us we can take that relationship for granted. Because we all are/have/had a mother and because this is the week of St. Patrick I offer you this simple and beautiful Irish blessing...The Blessing: Celtic Woman

Late this afternoon I had to make a CVS run. I admit, I did a terrible job of parking as I pulled into the lot, but I knew I would only be a minute and I was the only car parked along the south side of the store. When I came out, an SUV was parked VERY close to my passenger side. The woman, angrily began giving me "what for" when she looked up to see me standing in front of my car. I was a bit confused, because there were two empty spaces to the left of my car and five empty spaces to her right.She could have walked the few extra feet and parked in the next spot rather than straining to get out of her door!

But still, I had not parked well.

I silently watched as she worked to squeeze away from her door enough to shut it, all the while loudly berating me for my incompetence. When she paused to draw a breath I quickly told her, "I'm sorry. You are absolutely right, I parked to close to the line. I'm sorry."

There was...






which was almost eerie...

But then the most amazing transformation, the woman smiled and quietly said, "Oh, that's okay." and walked past me into the store!

I was baffled, and it was several moments before I realized my short apology consisted of a few very ordinary words, but yet they seemed to have been responsible for a complete turn around in another individual's mood.

What did I learn from this encounter with ordinary words?

• Maybe the woman just needed to be "heard".  
• Maybe by not reacting and responding with "I'm sorry" instead of "You idiot, why didn't you park in one of these other spaces...." I shocked her into silence.
• Maybe...

But then, Joyce's suggestion today was for "my" learning, not to try and figure out someone else's mind.

• I learned that I don't have to be "right". 
• I learned that I can breathe and remain calm within absolute craziness.
• I learned that two ordinary words may be more effective and carry more grace than any well thought out and well articulated reasoning or logic.

Joyce suggested we approach each person, event, creature, with two questions today. How are you my teacher? What am I meant to learn?

San, don't you feel silly when you
look like this...all puffed up...

Sometimes I feel like the woman at CVS was acting when I am trying to juggle too many balls or keep too many plates spinning. Sometimes I feel like that woman when I am worried how I am going to keep everyone happy - when I want there to be peace within my family, community, church...  Sometimes I feel like that woman was acting when I carry another's burden by trying to think how "I" can fix their situation. Sometimes....gosh I hope and pray I never look like that woman!

Sometimes I forget that God has not put me in control, that he does not expect me to fix all the problems I encounter through out my day. Sometimes I forget "I" may not KNOW what is good or bad. Sometimes I forget that God didn't give me the wisdom of Solomon. 

Sometimes I forget I can hold a situation/problem in open hands, knowing that God is within that situation/problem because God is "dwelling with us everywhere...We can draw closer and deeper in our relationship with God through every situation, depending on our attitude, our openness, and our awareness." (Joyce Rupp, Cup of Life, p 36)

Something else I remembered through today's exercise; there really is no such thing as "ordinary."  I can sit here, looking around me in my living room...I have glass canisters full of shells I've picked up along the ocean. I have books with varied colored jackets...and thoughts. I have a hand hooked rug and satin pillows. I have pictures of all those I love. And, I have a roll of scotch tape, some pencils, and post-it notes...all things that I touch in some way nearly every single day. I honestly cannot sit here and see anything "ordinary."

How often have you referred to a day as "ordinary"?

I have more than once, even KNOWING that each day is a gift from God and that we are not promised another such gift! If/When we awake tomorrow, that is a new gift to be opened and enjoyed. 

How often do you see a maple leaf, green grass, or a ladybug and see God?

That is the blessing of the Celts to us, a reminder that God is of everything. 

Even those places and situations where we question, "Where is God?" God is there. God is within the beautiful and within the pain. 

God is.

I wonder how many pages I could fill if I spent an entire ordinary day listing all the things I saw, smelled, touched, heard...

And then if I realized that record of all those things I noticed is only a small snapshot of that which is God.

Mysterious and Awesome God, what an amazing day this ordinary day has been! I thank you and praise you for the blessedness of this day. Amen.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Day 4 - Evening Review

Yes, I'm only a small sparrow, but I'm
even singing a song of Spring today.

This has been a beautiful day! Although windy, the sun has been warm and I was able to be outside to enjoy moments of God's amazing creation.This winter has at times seemed to be endless. Yet, within the cold and gray of winter, God is.  If it were up to me, spring would come in mid January! Thankfully, life is not in my hands, but in the hands of its Creator. You might enjoy this moment of prayerful reflection as the day draws to a close: In His Time .....

Deep roots of an aging maple that
I'm praying lives one more year.

                                                                                                                        I seem to always want to rush things. If it is winter I want to it to hurry and go away. When spring comes I can't wait for the flowers to begin blooming, as one flower blooms I begin to anxiously await another....  I thought of this while studying the roots of a very old maple tree whose springs are numbered.  I thought of it again when I listened to the little brown sparrow raising up it's joyful tune as its fine downy feathers swayed in the wind. Like I said, I am so glad this earth is not dependent upon "my" sense of timing!

I wonder what might have burrowed
down there? Do I want to know enough
to stick my hand down? Naw!!!

I went outside today, with no agenda other than looking for the signs off spring.  Taking time to do this...I was aware of the presence of God.  I even recognized God's song in the voice of that sparrow! I thought how deep and how old is this mystery of faith, while studying the roots of the tree. I thought how mysterious and unknown, looking at that hole in my lawn. I smiled and thought more about God's Time verses my time as I continued to call for Sophie to "Come!" By and through all these mental wanderings, sounds, scents, textures.... I was nourished.  And by my stopping to appreciate the song of a brown sparrow, I like to think I "gave back" some of that nourishment I had been so generously given.

What? You want me? Now?...What?

What do I need to empty from my vessel of soul as I prepare for bed?  Actually, dumb stuff.  Will my clock switch over? What if it doesn't? Should I set a back up? Will anyone come to Parlor Conversations tomorrow or will I just give up? .....like I said, in the whole scope of things, dumb stuff.  And recognizing that, I have no trouble tipping my soul forward in prayer and saying thank you.

These guys need to be
transplanted, soon!

Thank you for the signs of spring. Thank you for Debra's telephone call a moment ago. Thank you for this strange little black and white dog. Thank you for Jenny sharing that she is trying to leave a comment on the blog! Thank you for those I sense are reading this blog, keeping me accountable to this Lenten journey. Thank you for the blessing of Joyce Rupp and how well she articulates the little things that I so often skip past. Thank you for your gift of perfect timing. Even when I cannot appreciate it, I know in my deepest soul that it is perfect because you are in it. Holy God, please grant me and my Lenten companions peaceful rest.

Since tomorrow is Sunday, I do not plan to journal.  However, one never knows!

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Day 4 - The Boundaries of the Cup

"Energy is everywhere, but stillness plays a major role in its conversion from 'potential' to 'actualized' energy. At Callaway Gardens, I was amazed to lean that butterflies have to spread their wings in the morning sunshine because the scales on their wings are actually solar cells. Without that source of energy, they cannot fly." ~ Laurie Beth Jones



What I appreciate about Joyce Rupp's writing is it feels as though she is like me instead of a gifted and respected spiritual teacher. Admitting she has felt that, "I'm falling apart." "I can't seem to get it together."..."I came unglued."...When this happens I often have a feeling that all my energy and time is draining away, that I am unable to contain it." I felt as though she has been watching me.

"People, events, responsibilities, and multiple activities keep me hurrying and worrying with little time left for my inner self."


This morning I shared with a friend that committing to this blog for a six-week study is keeping me focused on finding time for my inner self.  I told him, "I still have the bulletin to finish, a sermon to write... I haven't exercised in several days, my house has got to be cleaned.... With all these things pulling at me, I would have pushed The Cup of Life to a back corner.

Maybe I am the only one who struggles to set boundaries, but probably not. Have you ever looked at shelves in your local Barnes and Noble at all the self-help/spiritual books!  I take comfort that even Joyce has felt these struggles. How else could she write in a way that I identify so easily?

"Lord, I want to know you, I want to love you, I want to know you..." so go the words of the hymn.  Joyce suggests that for us to truly know him, we have to set personal boundaries. Jesus modeled this for us. He was not healing and teaching 24/7.  Scripture tells us again and again that "he went alone to pray."

Once again, our cup is our teacher.  Joyce asks us to:

"Hold your cup in your hands. Touch the sides and the bottom of the cup. Trace the outside of the cup with your fingers. Run your fingers around the inside of the cup. Close your eyes and imagine your spiritual boundaries. Let yourself lean on God for awhile. Ask for whatever boundaries are needed in your spiritual life. Listen to God speak to you about these boundaries." (Joyce Rupp, Cup of Tea, p 34)

Joyce points out the obvious..."If the cup did not have the boundaries of sides and a bottom it could not hold anything in it. The cup has an opening - it is able to give and receive - but the boundaries keep what it contains from being spilled everywhere. 

Today, with the reflection, it was difficult for me to imagine my spiritual boundaries and to ask for whatever boundaries are needed in my spiritual life.  And then...to listen to God speak to me about those boundaries!!  Even though I know all this in my "head" it is difficult for my heart to let go of some things. It feels as though God is asking me to choose between some people/responsibilities and Him.

And....HE IS!

And...it is hard, at least for me.

How about any of you?  Where did you sense yourself leaning toward God in today's reflection?  Where did you sense a bit of resistance?  In both cases, what need/what obstacle did you identify as being present?

Journaling:

What keeps me from having enough time to resource my inner life? 

Here are some boundaries I will keep:

What might Jesus' prayer have been when he left his busy life to be alone?

"MY" sense of what is important and needed often keep me from having the time to resource my inner life. Jones' learning about the butterflies really struck me! It also reminded me of the teaching of the "Lilies of the field..."  God has sent me many teachers, one being a young woman from my church. She laughs about God's "mistake" of giving us "the gift" of freed will. In some ways, she's right. Without that "gift" I might be more like the butterflies who stretch their wings, in order to receive the needed energy, before flying into their day.

Thanks to my commitment to an unseen audience of you, I will continue to set boundaries in the days and weeks to come in order to update this blog.  In many ways this blog has become my journal which is interesting.  I've never shared my journal writing with many...and here I am sending it out to the Universe!

The third question...What do some of you think Jesus' prayer might have been when he left the masses and the disciples to be alone?

Jesus, only from you comes my salvation, thus it is time spent with you that allows me to live fully.  It is time spent with you that fills my soul with your light, your joy, your love, and your peace.  Spirit, when I am weak, help me continue on this path toward wholeness. Amen.

Today:
"I will make one decision regarding, a boundary that will help protect my intentional time and place with God." (Rupp, p 35)


A couple of things to share:
1. Since this is a Lenten study, I thought some of you might be interested in reading T.S. Elliot's poem about Ash Wednesday. I think it was his first poem after becoming an Anglican. You can find this poem at: Ash Wednesday - A poem

2. I was not familiar with Callaway Gardens in Georgia.  The pictures are beautiful! If you would like to learn more...Callaway Gardens

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Day 3 - Evening Review

Whew...I'm tired.  If you are interested, here is the video I watched this evening to help me gather my thoughts of this day: A Beautiful Prayer ...

How open or aware was I to the presence of God in my day?                                       
What kind of nourishment did I receive?                                                              
What kind of nourishment did I give?                         
Does anything need to be emptied out in order for me to be at peace tonight?                     For what do I thank God as I prepare to enter sleep?


I am a bit sad that it is only in reflecting on this day that I see where God was present.  At the time, I didn't really think about it.  God's presence can be as subtle as the light coming from the window, just at the moment when your spirit needs a bit of refreshment.  Looking back at that moment, I can say, "Thank you, God!" But at the moment it occurs, I normally do little more than sit, enjoying the brightness and the warmth of the light.  STILL! If I get so I recognize these moments in hindsight, there is hope that I might actually acknowledge them in the moment they occur!  And when I do? I bet God will smile.



It may seem like an insignificant thing...but I thank God this evening for the gift of wonderful images and videos that capture my heart.  This bear and dog for instance...I just happened to stumble across it and I stopped....I stopped and studied this picture.

I thought of my beloved Rotty who passed away two months today.
I thought of the hugs I receive from my Grandkids.
I wondered if that dog had been the least bit uneasy while being hugged by that bear!!
And then I wondered if I truly trust the Creator of the Universe...to hug me.  That bear paw would be nothing compared to the hand of God!

As you can see, I'm in a strange journaling spot in my head this evening...I'm doing the kind of journaling that I some times go back to read and wonder, "Where were you!" and that's okay.

Jesus, Lover of my/our soul, thank you for giving us minds that can wander and ask gentle questions.  Thank you for giving us imaginations that enable us to hold an empty cup and to grasp that we are a vessel of your loving amazing energy. Savior, may our efforts of being your vessel be pleasing in your sight.  Amen.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Day 3 - The Vessel of Loving Energy

Lord, my spirit is troubled as I watch and listen to reports from Japan, Hawaii, and the West Coast of the U.S. Lord, I ask for your Presence to be among those who are injured or may be dying as I write. I ask for your Spirit of power and wisdom to fill the hearts and minds of our world's leaders as they decide how to respond.  Lord, I ask for the love of Christ to be within the hearts and the hands of those working to rescue all the victims from this morning, and the victims that are yet to be from this massive quake. Amen.

"The same streams of life that run through my veins, night and day, runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures." ~ Rabindranath Tagore

What resonated with you as you read Joyce's confession that, in the past, she has been "intent on doing well" whenever she has begun programs of spiritual growth?

"I would work very hard at it, often feeling concerned or anxious becasue I wanted to do it 'right' and make a lot of progress. I felt like it all depended upon me as to wherther or not I would grow. I did not yet realize that I needed the vibrant stream of divine life moving through me in order to be transformed." (J.Rupp, Cup of Life, p 30)

I was reminded of new insights from reading "Recovery, The Twelve Steps as Spiritual Practice" by Rami Shapiro.  In this book the reader begins with Step 1 "The Gift of Powerlessness".  In our scripture we are told, "lest any should boast..."

Friends, we are powerless to become spiritual fit. The only thing we actually can control is our response to God's calling.

How do we do that?

By simply becoming available to be filled by the Holy Spirit.  As Joyce says,

"...I cannot force growth to happen. This is God's realm of doing. I can yearn for transformation. I can be faithful to daily meditation. But as long as I am trying to go it alone, I will simply stumble along fruitlessly." (Ibid)

Today, Joyce asks that we remember that it is God who gives us the power to act and the power to change. This transformation is not a result of how the strength of "our" will.  She reminds us that we can stop worrying about whether or not we are making progress.

Breathprayer: Breathing in: Your power...
                        Breathing out:...moving through me.
Reflection:
But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. (2 Cor. 4:7)

Journaling:
How have I known God's power working in me and through me?
What are some obstacles blocking the flow of loving energy?
What part of my life most needs the powerful touch of God? 

Most recently I knew God's power working in and through me as I sat with my uncle during the last four weeks of his earthly life. I can remember...it was Super Bowl night...I was using all my strength to control him, to keep him in bed.  Frantically, holding my uncle down with one hand, I called a friend with the other.  Lee asked me what I wanted for my uncle and I replied, "Peace."  "Well, my friend," he said, "you can't give him something you don't have."

He was right.  I was an emotional wreck. I asked an aide to stay with him, for just five minutes and during that time I went and stood at the window from the 2nd floor lobby.  I noticed the lights from the parking lot bouncing off the ice and snow.  I gazed into the black sky. I took some deep breaths and envisioned God's Spirit coursing through my body.

I returned to my uncle's side.  It was a long night of battling with him, but I was at peace.  "I" was not able to manage my uncle that night.

Amy Alexander - It will be okay

Still, even having those kind of experiences, I manage to create obstacles.  I take on to much work.  I try to keep EVERYONE happy. I worry about my future.  I worry about my daughters and their over busy lives and decisions they are needing to make. In the past, I would have been standing, helpless in front of the TV with disasters such as today's earthquake and tsunami.

How about you, how have you known God's power working in or through you? Do any of you struggle with the reality of our powerlessness?

What kind of obstacles do you erect that prevent the natural flow of God Light Energy through your self?

I'm still reflecting on the third question.  But, that does  not mean any of you cannot respond. What would you identify as a part of your life that most needs the powerful touch of God?

Joyce closes Day 3 with this prayer:

"Energizing and transforming God, the pulse of your presence fills my life with love. Remind me often that I cannot grow by my own efforts alone. Thank you for the comfort and the freedom of knowing that it is your power working through me that creates growth in my spiritual life. Amen. (Ibid)

Today...as you use ANY vessel, a cup, a glass, a measuring cup, a measuring spoon, a can of soda, or a bottle of water...As you use any vessel today, may that vessel remind you that you and I are a vessel of God's tremendous loving energy.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Day 2 - Evening Review

I don't know about you, but at the end of a long day my mind is either so full or so tired, that it is difficult for me to really be present.  Breathing in: Faithful Love... Breathing out...dwelling in me actually seemed to help me focus this morning! But, this evening, my left hip hurts and my left foot is numb. My contacts are reminding me my eyes are dry. A conversation from earlier in the day persists on interrupting this evening....


You get the idea.


I decided I would use a video in the evening to help quiet my wandering mind and heart.  If something like this is helpful to you, here it is an offering for this evening... An Evening Prayer

1. How open or aware was I to the presence of God in my day?2. What kind of nourishment did I receive? What kind of nourishment did I give?3. Does anything need to be emptied out in order for me to be at peace tonight?4. For what do I thank God as I prepare to enter into sleep?

I shared that part of our Ash Wednesday service last night was to spend a few moments reflecting on what we wanted to fast during the season of Lent and on what did we want to feast.  We wrote our thoughts on the back of paper plate masks which were collected and put into a trash bag to be burned.  This morning, a young mother told me that she guessed I had not yet burned the masks, because she had already slipped into one of the things she desired to fast from.

Later, I did take the bag out, a long with a bucket of water, just in case the wind got a hold of our fasting and feasting thoughts. I didn't want to open the bag so I had to add a few pages from yesterday's paper.  The ground and air were both really damp this morning and the fire was slow to begin.  Still feeling the effects of several long days I gloomily watched and thought, "Great, I don't think God is interested..."

...But then, like a breath of hot air, the fire seemed to explode inside the plastic bag.  Mesmerized, I watched as the white plastic melted, exposing the thoughts of our hearts to the entire world.  Burning.... I shared last night that the mixture of water and ashes burns the skin.  I think of the water of our baptism...the sign of the cross signifying new life.  I think of the ashes I used to make another sign of the cross last night...a reminder of our mortality.

From the ashes of The Cross and the water of our baptism, the Holy Spirit ignites in our souls...Yes! Catching us on fire!


I watched as our "plans" for Lent evaporated into ash and I felt the peace of God surrounding me...and I knew whatever happened with my so called "plans" for Lent, I am a beloved child of God.


I did receive nourishment today from many sources. Before a meeting at the presbytery office today, we read 1 Thessalonians 2:17-3:5.  Then we were asked what stood out for us. I expressed some of my frustrations within my ministry.  As we closed the meeting, the others took turns praying for me.

To be prayed for is humbling.

This evening I received an email message from the wife of a friend... She chatted about a recent message I had sent Jim and then she closed by asking, "Has he mentioned to you that I pray daily for you,by the way?  sometimes for your family, sometimes your healing, sometimes your congregation. (doesn't pay to get too bossy} - thought on a down day at the end of a long winter it might help to know."


What a blessing.  And yes, Marcia, it has been a long winter.


You know, Jesus called us into community.  He always sent the disciples out two/two.  Over and over again, Paul instructs the churches to support and encourage one another, to lift one another up in prayer...to NOURISH one another.


Some times we sense the presence of God within the quiet...while watching flames bounce and swirl around paper masks....in the spoken prayers and hugs of fellow journeyers....in a short closing to a chatty email.... I pray you have sensed the presence of God some time during this day.


Most Holy and Loving God...I place my hand over my heart...I feel it beating deep in my chest....Which is a good thing!...I am reminded that it isn't just "me" that is sitting here, living this moment...The beating of my heart reminds me I am not alone. Jesus, you never did send your disciples out alone and when you did finally leave them, you sent the Holy Comforter... Thank you.


Many Blessings ~ Sandi    

Day 2 - A Container of God's Presence.

Breath prayer:
"Breathing in: Faithful Love...
Breathing out:...dwelling in me.


Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? (1 Cor. 3:16)

I thought of one of my favorite songs/prayers as I read the thoughts of Day 2.  Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. With thanksgiving, I'll be a living sanctuary for you. Amen. If you would like to spend a few moments thinking about what this means for you, I invite you to right click on the song title and follow the link.  Lord, Prepare Me To Be A Sanctuary.

Joyce shares that she thinks of herself as a "mini Ark of the Covenant." Now, there is a new thought for me to hold! The Hebrew scriptures tell us about how ornate, beautiful, powerful, and sacred was this Ark.  What if I began to see myself as a "mini Ark"? What if I cared for myself as much as the ancient Hebrews cared for the Ark?

When I know company is coming, I get busy cleaning. I want the clutter cleaned up, furniture dusted, the floors swept and mopped.  If I do that for company, why am I so lax in caring for the Lord! Oh, there is so much preparation needed in order for me to be a living sanctuary!

Joyce admits how easy it is for her to lose her reverence and awareness of all the beauty around her when she races through a day's "to do list." That hits me between the eyes.

Last night, before turning my mask in to be burned, I wrote on the back that one thing I want to fast from is judgement and impatience.  I wrote that I wanted to feast on recognizing Christ in others. Joyce writes,

"...when I remember that God has made a home in my heart and in the heart of each one I meet, I look at people and life quite differently. I am more patient, kind, and much less judgmental."

In your journal, Joyce invites us to consider one or more thoughts:
I am most aware of God's dwelling within me when... 
As I reflect on the Divine Presence dwelling within myself and others, I hope that... 
Dear God...

Divine Presence, Joyce gives me the image of you dancing your way into my innermost being. Father and Creator, your Word tells how you want to nurture and to tend my soul. You are always with me, walking beside me, before me, behind me, above me, and within me.  I am surrounded by your love! God...I do bow before your sacredness. Amen.

During this day, Joyce asks us to place our hand over our heart today and to remember with gratitude that God dwells within you.

May your love song rise above the noise of the world today! May you pause to remember that the Living Lord does indeed reside in your heart and within those you meet.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Ash Wednesday, the Evening Review

In her book, The Cup of Life, Joyce encourages us to spend a few moments at the end of the day, to pause. She writes, "This brief review is meant to bring wholeness into your entire day, to wrap the day with the ribbon of prayer.  Each evening, pause before you get into bed, or as you are undressing, or as you are lying in bed, and reflect upon the day you have just lived:

1. How open or aware was I to the presence of God in my day?
2. What kind of nourishment did I receive? What kind of nourishment did I give?
3. Does anything need to be emptied out in order for me to be at peace tonight?
4. For what do I thank God as I prepare to enter into sleep?

Divine Companion, shelter me under your wings of love. Grant me a peaceful night and a restful sleep. Amen. (J. Rupp, Cup of Life, p 17-18)

Hummmm isn't it easy to sense God's presence when things are going well?  Sometimes it is difficult when those you love are struggling.  Sometimes it is difficult listening to the evening news.

I was open to the presence of God this morning and again this evening during the Ash Wednesday service.

The darkened sanctuary, lit by many, many candles. The Table with the Bread and the Cup....moved directly in front of Jesus praying in Gethsemane.  The large cross, serving as a poignant reminder of what is to come.  Music, specially selected and downloaded, filtering through the space. How can one not be opened to the presence of God in such a place.

Yet, I felt anxiety rising up as I drove home and learned that my daughter's bad day, had become worse. I felt a growing distance from the wonder of the evening as a friend shared the result of a doctor's report. I felt....

Coming home, I opened Joyce's book and looked at these questions. She is basically following the Examen with these reflective questions...

I pray that as the days past, that I will know God is present, within any situation.  I pray that I become willing to let go of my concerns that I want to hold on to, in order that I might be at peace during the night.  I pray that I offer the love song of my life to at least one person each day.  I pray this in the name of the one who died on the cross for me.  For that I do thank God as I prepare to enter into sleep. May you and I sense the shelter of God's wings of love as we drift into a restful sleep.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Thus begins our journey.

After the weeks of anticipation and then the days of Christmas awe and wonder.  After the weeks of celebrating the time of epiphany and then glorying in the Light of the transfiguration, we come to a time of quiet reflection.  We come to the season of Lent. We step into a journey of discovery by addition, subtraction, and introspection, using a cup as a sacred vessel to pray with each day.

"You are a love song beauty set to music You are a love song I have chosen you." ~ Theresa Hucul

This evening, at our Ash Wednesday service, everyone will be offered a mask when they arrive. During the service people will be invited to either draw or write on their masks something they want to fast on and/or something on which they desire to feast while journeying through Lent. The masks will be collected and burned, trusting that God holds our past and our tomorrow. I think this shedding of masks is similar to Joyce's insights for today.

"Too often people want someone else's spirituality rather than their own. I've discovered that the more I am conscious and accepting of God's love for me, the more I can accept myself and the unique way that my spiritual path unfolds. God created each of us out of love. We are beauty set to music. We are one-of-a-kind, unique, meant to be a light of love in transforming our world." (J. Rupp, Cup of Life, p 26)

The reflection from today's Cup of Life reading:
"Hold the cup in your hands. 
Notice its style, shape, color, size. 
Be conscious of yourself as a cup held in God's hands. 
Accept your uniqueness and your goodness. 
Thank God for creating you as you are." (Ibid)


Some days it may be difficult to accept oneself as being that cherished, as being that important.  Yet, Jeremiah tells us"

⁵"Before I shaped you in the womb,    I knew all about you.   Before you saw the light of day,    I had holy plans for you..." (Jeremiah 1:5)

You and I were shaped by God's hands. Wow... I invite you to right click on this video, reflecting on this truth. One Pair of Hands

Joyce suggests we journal, choosing one or more..
"When I think about God loving me unconditionally as I am, I..." 
"As I pray through these six weeks of spiritual guidance, I most desire..." 
"Dear God...(write a letter, a song, a psalm, a poem...to God). (Ibid)

God, Creator, Father of us all, thank you for giving me life, for making me unique.  Lord, help me accept that I am indeed special and loved in your eyes.  Help me to appreciate that "I", in all my frailties and humanness hold the Cup of Life.  During this season of Lent, help me to reconnect with the love and goodness that lives within.  Joyce says your music resides in my soul, God, help me hear your music.  Father, help me to love myself and my uniqueness.  Help me to embrace the truth that I am yours.  May I, with Spirit's help, bring forth your music, your love song, to my world. AMEN.

Many Blessings as you begin this Lenten journey ~ Sandi