Unexpected Gifts

Christmas presents. Gifts bestowed and received. Maybe a surprise or two. You, the Gift surpassing all other gifts, bring us more than we might expect. Presents that did not make our list, something to wear on the inside of us such as truth, generosity, patience, reconciliation, and respect for one another. Each Christmas, another gift of growth. What will you gift us with this year? ~ Joyce Rupp, Fragments of Your Ancient Name

Such a strange way to save the world...

Gifts bestowed and received...Presents that did not make our list, something to wear on the "inside" of us...

Chapter 6, What Do You Want?, begins with an unexpected gift in the midst of a tiring ordinary day and, even though Ann has spent much time recording gifts, she needed a loving presence to redirect her gaze from the ordinariness to help her see the extravagant gift a mere two steps away.

His whisper brushes the curl of my ear, "When I saw it, I knew you'd want it too."...he who made vows to a woman and chaser. No - he didn't actually make vows to that woman. But this is the woman I am becoming. That eucharisteo is making me - fulfilling thanks vows to God. I am starved and the feast makes me wild. Because really, who gets to touch the moon? Tonight, she's close. I might. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 104)

Racing across the field, camera in hand, Ann runs, laughing...drinking in all that is and she celebrates the realization that she IS STILL a child.

Who am I to see glory with unveiled face? Is that what the child seeks? Is that why I escape motherhood at the dinner hour, because I can't see the glory there, here, right in the moment? Still? And me slowing for the hunt, looking for even one thousand gifts, sanctuaries in moments, seeking the fullest life that births out of the darkest emptiness, all the miracle of eucharisteo. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 105)

I am wondering who helps me to notice graces and gifts I might otherwise miss.

As I wonder I believe that it may be the Grands, who step into life ready to discover and ready to be surprised.

A small child.  One of the most vulnerable and even insignificant members of our society, it is they who help me to notice.

How I wish we could not push that sense of wonder, of vulnerability from a child's heart by burdening him with the world's stuff.  Yet, there is hope for me, for all children, that we can grow up, regardless of how old and wise we might be, we can grow up and regain a sense of that wonder....within the smallest and most ordinary moments.

Ann too thinks how after all she has learned, how she is still learning...still growing...

Yes - maybe that woman-child. The one who lives her life in circles, discovering entering into, forgetting and losing, findin her way round again, living her life in layers - deeper, round further in. I know eucharisteo and the miracle. But I am not a woman who ever lives the full knowing. I am a wondering Israelite who sees the flame in the sky above, the pillar, the smoke from the mountain, the earth open up and give way, and still I forget. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 106)

Oh, does this confession easy my own seeking/forgetting heart! For I too know, and yet still I forget!!!

Once again a reminder that I can discover myself within the ancient stories of these living scriptures.

I empty of truth and need the refilling. I need come again every day - bend, clutch, and remember - for who can gather the manna but once, hoarding, and store away sustenance in the mind for all the living?(Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 106)

If I am like the ancient Israelites wandering.

If I depend upon others to help me to discover and feast upon the manna given.

Who do I walk beside?

How do I help them to discover and to feast?

For I am not called to journal my gifts and hoard them, I am called to celebrate my discoveries with others so that together we might feast.  That is why God came to live among us - Emmanuel.

Jesus came for me.

Still, he is not my gift to hoard.  I am called to announce his coming....the gift of his presence.

Lord, help me to discover those unexpected gifts, those gifts that have not made my list, those gifts that are like manna, gifts that are "you" within my day and then help me to share the gift of your presence among, within, and between all that is within this life. By your Spirit, help me to grow back to being like a child.  AMEN.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

The other side of prayer...

I pray that you [Sandi] will know that the blessings God has promised his holy people are rich and glorious. And you will know that God's power is very great for us who believe.  ~ Ephesians 1:18-19

Rich Mullins was just the most amazing man used by God....

"Sometimes you try to impress God with all the right words...."

Prayer....

I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me. This, this, makes me full...What will a life magnify? The world's stress cracks, the grubbiness of a day, all that is wholly wrong, and terrible busted? Or God? Never is God's power or knowing small.  God is not in need of magnifying by us, who are so small, but the reverse. It's our lives that are little and we have falsely inflated self, and in thanks we decrease and the world returns right. I say thanks and I swell with Him, and I swell the world, and He stirs me, joy all afoot. 

This, I think is the other side of prayer. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 59)

"The other side of prayer."

What a provocative thought.....

In the Job study we have talked about the throne room of heaven, not something I have ever thought a lot about...but, would the "other side of prayer" be my moving more into God's presence?  Would it be the "throne room"?

The list is God's list,the pulse of His love - the love that thrums on the other side of our prayers. And I see it now for what this really is, this dare to write down one thousand things I love.  It is really is a dare to name all the ways God loves me. The true Love Dare. To move into His presence and listen to His unending and know the grace uncontainable. This is the vault of the miracles. The only thing that change us, the world, is this - all His love. (Ann Voskamp, p 60)

I think of Gandhi's challenge to me, "Be the change you wish to see..."

When I give thanks for the "microscopic things" like sunshine filtering through my kitchen window, the taste of warm cider from a pretty cup, the fingerprints of my Grands on my stainless steel refrigerator, being able to dial the phone and hear my mom or dad say, "hello...".... you know those ordinary/everyday things of life...

When I pause and offer gratitude for these everyday things...I stand on the other side of prayer...I stand in His presence....I stand on holy ground....

I feel so ...

small....

I feel amazed...

Ann writes:

I am bell and He is sure wind, and He moves and I am rung and I know it for what it is: this is the other side of where Daniel, man of prayer, lived. Change agent, mover and shaker Daniel, second-to-the-king Daniel...Rather, his prayers moved kings and lion jaws because Daniel "prayed three times a day, just as he had always done, giving thanks to his God." (Daniel 6:10) (Ann Voskamp, p 60)

Wow...I've really got a lot to hold and reflect upon this evening.

Prayer. Holy Ground. Change agent. Daniel.... Something I take for granted....Something I all to often treat very casually.

I want to keep reading, to keep journalling these thoughts and images, yet I feel nudged to sit still with all that is rushing through my heart.

The other side of prayer....

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week II - Day 4 - Readiness to Receive...Day 2

Feel like a dog is shaking me in his mouth.

I debated on skipping Day 4 so that I could be where I was "supposed" to be in the book, or not worry about the "supposed to be" of this day and simply be where I am.

I must be learning something, because once I began reading Day 4 I knew I was where I needed to be. A friend sent me this image yesterday, that I only found today since I felt to bad to even be on the computer. It definitely brought a smile and it pretty much looks like I feel today.

Be empty, and you will remain full.

Clay is molded into vessels, and because of the space where there is nothing, you can carry water. Space is carved out from a wall, and because of the place where there is nothing, you can receive light. Be empty, and you will remain full...  ~ Lao-Tsu

Wow...that last insight really caused me to pause..."Be empty, and you will remain full..."

Obviously, when I am "full" I cannot hold anything else.  It is only in the emptying, that I can receive God, and as I strive to empty myself, God is naturally going to fill me...over and over again.  God filling me is very different than "me" filling myself with stuff.

Oh, does this resonate with me!

I recently had a similar conversation to today's reading with two other women.  All three of us described our selves as a Type A and all three of us admitted how difficult it is to receive help.  We were all much more comfortable giving and organizing help for someone else.  Two of us had experienced being brought to our knees before we were ready to receive.  The third woman was just getting ready to learn about being brought to her knees.

Interesting enough, the two who had lived through and survived the experience, both admitted that it had been a valuable time of learning, much like the woman in Joyce's book who says, "I think that the greatest gift of my emptiness was that I could not give. Al I could do was receive."


One learns a sense of humbleness in receiving.  I am not sure we can receive when we are proud and self assured of what "I" can accomplish and get done.

"When we are empty and poor inside, we finally realize that we have to rely on someone else giving us what we need." (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 55)

I might have broken a bit, but  not
something I couldn't  "manage".

And what I learned...that applies to receiving from God as much as it applied receiving from others.  Basically, if I am able to stand on my own without help from any physical being, I most likely am going to forget how much I need God in my life as well.

That was a bitter pill for me to swallow, yet it was a lesson I desperately needed to learn at the time.  I have said that I wish I could have learned the lesson without the pain...without being brought to my knees.  But, I was a hard egg to crack.

"Eventually we learn how wonderful it is to receive and we become more open and receptive. We receive more graciously, accepting the gifts that we need for our growth. We become more confident because we learn that at the heart of all the gifts is the treasurer of Diving Love, poured out profusely into our open, emptied, readied hearts." (Ibid)

Breathprayer:
          Breathing in: I am ready......
          Breathing out: ...I receive

Reflection:

Hold the empty cup in your hands.Look at all the room the cup has for filling.Picture the inner part of yourself.Notice how much more room there is for filling.Hold the cup out before you in the gesture of a beggar.Ask God to fill you.Arise, go and slowly pour something in your cup (coffee, tea, water...)Come back and sit down.Receive and enjoy the contents of the cup. (Ibid) 

Scripture: Psalm 81:10, 16
Open your mouth wide and I will fill it....
I would feed you with the finest of wheat
and with honey from the rock
I would satisfy you.

Journaling:
Reflect on a time in your life when you felt very empty and received something you needed for your life. Describe the experience.
What do I find most difficult about receiving?
What would help me to be more ready to receive graciously? 


I had not read the journaling questions before I journaled my thoughts on the reading.  In many ways, I have already described a time when I was empty...brought to my knees, and I needed someone else to help me.  I was the receiver instead of the gifter. I must admit, reading the reflection piece, I was struck by the image of holding my cup out like a beggar.  Even after everything I have been through and everything I have learned...I still hesitated!

Dear God, help me with my pride!  Spirit of Growth and Transformation, help me to trust you so that I do not even hesitate to hold my cup out to you.

I wrote a few days ago that transformation is difficult, and it even is a bit painful.  It is painful to let go of our pride and that darned illusion of control that I, and maybe you, carry so well.

For me, the most difficult thing about receiving is the image of a beggar.  Yes, we have heard stories of those who take advantage of the system, but there are those who truly have nothing and rely on the grace of others to even exist...and I resist that dependency.  But, the good news is that even though I am a hard egg, God loves me and continues to gently nudge me toward "emptiness."

While I am more willing to receive graciously, I still have a long way to go. Yet, I know through the words and insights of teachers like Joyce Rupp, I can find my way toward wholeness as a beloved child of God.

Loving and Gracious Father, thank you for the opportunities to continue growing.  Help me to recognize the fears and anxieties that I carry deep in my heart...and to let them go.  God, may I be receptive to the outpouring of your love and wisdom, today...and in the days to come! AMEN!

Outpouring of God's amazing Love

"Today, when others offer me help in any form, I will receive it graciously and with gratitude."


Ummmm, I pray you and I have a deep and full day and that when another reaches out to put something in our cup, we can receive it with grace and with thankfulness.


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Day 3 - Evening Review

Whew...I'm tired.  If you are interested, here is the video I watched this evening to help me gather my thoughts of this day: A Beautiful Prayer ...

How open or aware was I to the presence of God in my day?                                       
What kind of nourishment did I receive?                                                              
What kind of nourishment did I give?                         
Does anything need to be emptied out in order for me to be at peace tonight?                     For what do I thank God as I prepare to enter sleep?


I am a bit sad that it is only in reflecting on this day that I see where God was present.  At the time, I didn't really think about it.  God's presence can be as subtle as the light coming from the window, just at the moment when your spirit needs a bit of refreshment.  Looking back at that moment, I can say, "Thank you, God!" But at the moment it occurs, I normally do little more than sit, enjoying the brightness and the warmth of the light.  STILL! If I get so I recognize these moments in hindsight, there is hope that I might actually acknowledge them in the moment they occur!  And when I do? I bet God will smile.



It may seem like an insignificant thing...but I thank God this evening for the gift of wonderful images and videos that capture my heart.  This bear and dog for instance...I just happened to stumble across it and I stopped....I stopped and studied this picture.

I thought of my beloved Rotty who passed away two months today.
I thought of the hugs I receive from my Grandkids.
I wondered if that dog had been the least bit uneasy while being hugged by that bear!!
And then I wondered if I truly trust the Creator of the Universe...to hug me.  That bear paw would be nothing compared to the hand of God!

As you can see, I'm in a strange journaling spot in my head this evening...I'm doing the kind of journaling that I some times go back to read and wonder, "Where were you!" and that's okay.

Jesus, Lover of my/our soul, thank you for giving us minds that can wander and ask gentle questions.  Thank you for giving us imaginations that enable us to hold an empty cup and to grasp that we are a vessel of your loving amazing energy. Savior, may our efforts of being your vessel be pleasing in your sight.  Amen.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi