Little - Great - One, Come Home - I

The first thing we often do when
gathering is to fill out a name tag.

Words have meaning and names have power.  ~Author Unknown

"A name is a precious gift. It is something to be lived into. It is someone to come home to. Your (My) name is filled with the power of you (me)...Being able to name the ache in your life gives you power over that ache. Being able to name a fear in your life gives you power over the fear. Claiming and naming is part of life's experience." (Macrina Wiederkehr, A Tree Full of Angels, p 1)

When my daughters have waited for a child to be born, they like many of us thought and thought about names.  One pregnancy a name was chosen that I really disliked. I stayed quiet, until my daughter asked, "Mom, you aren't crazy about this name are you?"

When asked....

Another name was chosen that, while I wasn't crazy about it, at least it was better than the first choice! But, you know what? All the things that came to mind when I thought of this name have changed. I hear this name, and all I see in my heart is a precious child's face, and I love him more than life itself.  This adorable little boy has given new meaning to his name.  As he continues to grow, I know this name will become "his" more and more. At this point, for me, his name has already become "him."

Names do have power, and names are important. If we did not believe that, there would not be as much effort put into naming anything, whether it be a child, a dog, a new business, a blog site....

Macrina is a member of St. Scholastica Monastery, her birth name was Martha Ann, she became Macrina when she became a new person...a nun.  Macrina shares that she asked a friend about the meaning of her name in Greek.  He did not have much luck, except that he gave her exactly what she needed.

"He thought the first part of the name mean great; and ina being a term of endearment, he came up with Little-Great-One. As I read those words...something clicked inside me. Like a flash of lighting it came to me: That's everybody's name! That's the answer to our lost identity. We are:" (Wiederkehr, p 2)

Macrina then gives me several examples from scripture where terms or objects have been used to "name" people:

Zephaniah 3:12-20  ...God's anawim of the Old Testament which means "poor ones" who were faithful to God. In this passage I am GUESSING that it must be the same as Daughter of Zion? ¹⁴ Sing, Daughter Zion; shout aloud, Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, Daughter Jerusalem! ¹⁵ The LORD has taken away your punishment, he has turned back your enemy.

Hosea 11:3-5  ...the beloved, enfolded one of the book of Hosea

Isaiah 54:11-12 ... poor storm-tossed creatures, yet precious stones. 

Matthew 5:1-11  ...the poor little blessed ones of the Beatitudes.

2 Corinthians 4:7 ...earthenware jars filled with a treasure.

2 Corinthians 6:10 ...those who have nothing, yet possess everything.

I, all of us, are the "poor ones" when we think in terms of God.  God is everything, and we are only dust.  YET, as Macrina reminds me, there is a second part of my name.  Yes, "Little" may be the first name, but it is followed by "Great"

Littleness and Greatness.  The two do not go together in my mind, yet the tiny ant comes to mind and the strength within that small creature.  The dandelion seeds I blew into the air yesterday, those tiny seeds have been able to outsmart many a herbicide.

As Macrina reflected on the Little and Great, she remembered Wiederkehr means to return again.

"In an instant my heart became full of prayer. It was as though God started praying within me, 'Little-Great-One', come home." (Ibid)

Remember Dorothy, and no matter the friends she made or the adventures she had, she wanted to go home.

"Home! Come home! Does not this ache that refuses to leave our hearts want to remind us that we are not yet home? What gifts do we possess to help us on this homeward journey except our littleness and our greatness, our frailty and our splendor, our poverty and our wealth  our new name, lived out. Little-Great-One, come home. (Ibid)

I often find precious children for these kind of insights, "Be
patient, God is not finished with me." BUT, I am just as precious
in the eyes of God as this small child is precious in my eyes.

"Home" is that place where my name becomes precious, the place where my name finds its power. I have been blessed to come from a wonderful home with the best parents a girl could ever ask for. My name, "Sandra" was common in the 1940-1950.  There were two in my SMALL grade school class of 20+ and at least one in every class ahead of me and behind me! "Sandras" were a dime a dozen, yet, within my home, I became precious and I did have power because that is where "this Sandra" was loved and accepted.  It was in this place that I did not have to try to be something or someone I was not, in order to be loved.  If I can say this about my earthly home and my earthly parents, how much more will this be true of my heavenly home?

"The call from God is to come home, to embrace both our littleness and our greatness and come home. Come home to our families, our friends, our church, our selves, our God." (Wiederkehr, p 3)

I am not sure if Macrina is referring to families, friends, church in a broad term or personal, but what really strikes me in that sentence is "God is calling me to come home to MY SELF. She continues, asking me where I have felt at home and if I have ever really felt at home.  She asks if I have ever felt like running away from home and if I have ever heard the call to come back home.

Wow..... What does it mean to "feel at home"?  It means to feel safe, to feel accepted and loved. It means that I do not have to wear a mask or pretend...I can be my self...if I still remember who she is.

Thing is, it seems as though so many of us wear a mask so that we cannot be hurt, or so we can be perceived in certain ways.  Some of us, myself included, have at times become very adept at managing these masks, so much so that I begin to forget who is beneath the mask.  Yet, if I am constantly working, even unconsciously, at keeping that mask in place, I cannot feel "safe", "secure", "accepted"...

Macrina offers me a profound statement, "Sometimes we run away from home without leaving. We just conveniently aren't there...it hurts too much to be there and so we disappear. It is easy to disappear. Disappearing is what makes home so hard to find...We disappear because we are uncomfortable with being in process."


I think that is another way of referring to "wearing masks" and I do not think I am alone in this, sadly, I think it happens many times a day...wherever there are people.


From page 3 - page 8, Macrina talks about many kinds of homes; family, friends, church, community, and self.  She talks about each of these homes, and again, there are statements that target my heart:

"We are all we've ever been as we move forward, in process, to become all we can be. Going home is a sacred journey. We carry our names with us as we go." (p 4)

"...together we have to accept both the burden and grace of being Church. The Church is us. She is mine and she is me. She is yours and she is you. She is home, a broken home, yes! Broken, because you and I are broken." (p 5)

Just today I listened as a young person shared the frustration, helplessness, pain, and anger of being in a relationship with someone who struggles with liking their own self. I admitted that it is difficult to love another if you do not love yourself.  With that conversation still on my heart, Macrina's words strike up along side:

"There is also that home I am to myself. Am I comfortable in the home that I call me? This home is of utmost importance, for it holds the key to my being comfortable in other homes. If I am not at home with myself I won't feel at home anywhere else...to become my own friend." (p 6)

I have admitted that I can be my own worst enemy and I have heard others voice that similar thought.  I have journaled that I cannot offer peace, love, healing....I cannot offer anyone anything that I do not possess myself.  Sadly, I see that played out in so many relationships without the people involved realizing what is happening.  We have a tendency to address the symptom without going to the cause of the symptom.

I have a lot to hold at the moment, enough for now.  Transformation is not a fast process.  It is slow and sometimes painful.  Sometimes it feels as though nothing is happening, and then .... !! I knew this book was going to be a slow read when I read the introduction.  Still, I believe it is worth the effort.

I literally stumbled upon this video while looking for something else.  The words captured my attention and my heart.  But when he says, "I have always been Father....my question is, 'Will you be my child?' I am waiting for you." I wanted to share....

All this thinking on "coming home" I think of the Prodigal Son from Luke. While I would love to post thoughts on this now....there is a video I hope to find, and two videos in one posting is enough.

God, I believe you do constantly call us home...home to our selves because that is where I can find you..."God dwells within me as me." But also home to family, friends, and the Church because in those relationships, I find you as well.  You call me outside of these places, places where I might not normally go...and there I can find you.  God, I lift up the young couple I mentioned...I lift them up and ask that you work within their hearts to so they can feel safe...have the trust needed to give up a part of themselves to the other.  God, I lift up to you my elderly friends who are hearing your call a little differently than I. Grant them peace and the assurance they seek.  God, I just ask your blessing on all who seek to come home to you.  May we grow into our names so that we can rejoice when you call. AMEN.


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week IV - Day 5 - Recognizing Resistances

Benedictine Sister, Macrina Wiederkehr

"I am entirely ready to have the chains that keep me bound be broken. I am entirely ready for the walls I've built around myself to be torn down. I am entirely ready to give up my need to control every situation. I am entirely ready to let go of my resentments. I am entirely ready to grow up." ~ Macrina Wiederkehr


This is the same woman who said Joy/Sorrow were sisters and lived in the same house.  I became curious about Macrina Wiederkehr . I learned  is an author and spiritual guide and a Benedictine monastic of St. Scholastica Monastery in Fort Smith, Arkansas. Frederic Brussat says of Macrina, "she is a master at everyday spirituality."


I have been wondering who/what I might read when I finish The Cup of Life...Macrina definitely has a way with simple words and images...


"...I am entirely ready to grow up." ...I am trying to live into this statement.


Last night I shared a story from Jack Kornfield with a friend that has to do with the slow and painful process of spiritual transformation.  I was surprised, yet at this point I shouldn't be, to see Jack's name in the first paragraph of today's reading.  Jack's stories contain figures/individuals that are simple enough they connect AND STAY in my memory banks.  Their plight, like the story of the father and son, are normally intense and full of symbolism and truth. 

"In this story, the father resists the truth that can bring him joy and freedom from his loss because he clings so much to what he thinks is the truth." (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 102)

Another truth...When we are in pain, we can easily live with illusions. Joyce writes, We may think such things as "No one loves me. No one cares. I will never feel happy again. It was all my fault. I can't do that. I don't know enough yet," etc.

A familiar picture, why don't
I pull it up when I'm hurting?

The beginning of healing may be knocking on the door of our heart, like the son knocking on the door of his father's house, AND we refuse to let it in because of our resistance.

Joyce continues to nudge my heart with her words...

"Our resistance can take many other forms as well. They might be a silent withdrawal, apathy, running away, talking incessantly, defending and challenging, constantly being busy, ignoring or pretending not to understand, being critical, or making excuses. Resistance is like placing a hand over the opening of the cup. Nothing can come into or be poured out of the cup. So, too, with our spiritual life. (Ibid)

Ouch.

This past Sunday the lectionary reading was the raising of Lazarus.  Martha believed her brother would rise again in the final days...but not then.  "Lord, he has been in the tomb four days! There is a stench!"

I offered the thought that resurrection [transformation] is not always clean.  Sometimes things have to get messy for resurrection [transformation] to occur.  When I wrote that sentence, I was thinking of all the writing, thoughts, sometimes pain...of this Lenten journey.

Joyce asks me to consider the hard questions: "Is there anything in your life that you think cannot be restored to life? Are there any blocks to your spiritual growth?"

We "choose" whether to hang on
or to let go and receive healing.

Breathprayer:
Breathing in: Let go...
Breathing our: ...let go.

Reflection:
Hold your cup in your hands.
Place one hand over the open space of the cup.
Reflect on your resistances and refusals.
How do these block your openness to growth?
Picture yourself held in God's hands.
Lossen your grip on your worries and insecurities.
Listen to God speak to you about trust.
Take your hand off your cup.
Notice how ready it is now to receive.
Hold the cup to your heart.
Stand and make a deep bow as a sign of your surrender to God.

Roll back the stone...

Scripture: John 11:1-44
Jesus said, "Take away the stone." Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, "Lord, already there is a stench because he has been dead four days."

Journaling:
One excuse I often give for not growing spiritually is...
I cling to and clutch onto... I push away...
Dear Life-Giver


What surprises me is how willing and open I am to discovering and reflecting on symbolism from other faith stories, yet when I read my own sacred scriptures....I just read the story or the account!

Martha was resistant to having the stone rolled away from Lazarus tomb, and Joyce asks me to think about what I am resistant to moving.  In a days the Church will be celebrating the resurrection of Christ.  Several years ago those coming to a Sunrise Service were given stones as they waited outside the locked church doors.  They were asked to think about what stone they needed to roll away in order to meet the resurrected Christ.  As they came through the door, nearly two hundred "butterflies" floated above their heads.  A basket was available to drop their stone into as they entered the worship space with the choir singing "Were You There?"


I've admitted I struggle remember what I preached three weeks ago, so obviously, even though I was involved in the planning and the making/hanging of A LOT of butterflies, that morning had a tremendous impact on my heart.

The Excuse Game....

The excused Joyce listed?  I am a master of several!  My favorites are:

• I don't know enough.
• I can't do that.
• constantly being busy
• being critical

I am still carrying my Trust Stone I made several days ago, so learning/leaning into "trust" has been a near-by companion.  Through Joyce's thoughts, my own reflections and writings, tangible things like my cup and stone...I am s-l-o-w-l-y working through the transformation of which I have yearned.

 I am part of a group from my presbytery that will be offering a One Day, Lead Like Jesus, Encounter.  The day long event will be based on Ken Blanchard's book Lead Like Jesus. I had been GUN HO for this leadership training, yet as we have prepared for the event, my heart is less involved.  I have tried to think what has happened to my enthusiasm and it occurred to me that everything that engaged my heart in the lessons to begin with, has been replaced with technical stuff, critically analyzing...

"I" feel as though we have gone from offering a chance of transformation to a feel good...one day event.  I'm not sure what we could be doing differently, but the technical stuff has pushed out my heart.  And I think that is a lesson for me to remember in terms of transformation.  It isn't a quick fix!  "Read this...and BE TRANSFORMED!"

It is work.  It requires a lot of soul/heart searching.  It is SLOW and if I let it become crowded out of my "cup"...the growing will stop because either my cup is full or I have placed my hand over the top of my cup.

Dear Life-Giver...I continue to yearn for a place, a group, a community that is looking for more than "head knowledge".  Lord, I yearn for relationship with you, and I know this occurs not only by my own study and reflection, but also within community. I know transformation does not occur by simply being with people who think like I do...believe like I believe...  Transformation occurs when I am willing to hold my own thoughts/beliefs and honor those of another, listening to their thoughts AND their questions with an open heart. You have asked that I trust you.  My Brother and Friend, it is difficult, yet I am making strides! I ask that you continue to hold me close and to help me be aware of your voice/your wisdom within the voice of others.  Whether it be face-to-face, within blog comments, with reading, nature, or music...I know you continue to reach out to me...teaching me in all the ways that connect to my heart. Thank You... AMEN.

I haven't been sure what I am searching for in terms of a worship song this morning.  I keep coming back to this, but the setting has felt a bit edgy...I finally sat watching the all those woshipping together and decided maybe I was a bit "jealous" that "they" had found such a place.  Again, I yearn for such a place...a community that wants to delve into scripture not to be "smarter" but to be transformed by relationship with the Divine.

Prayer: God of truth, help me to discover my resistance to growth. Shine your light on my illusions. Uncover my fears. Reveal my strongholds. Soften my grip on my security. Open my closedness. Lead me to greater freedom and inner healing. (Rupp, p 103)

Today, Joyce asks that I notice the excuses I make for avoiding the things that I dislike doing, and then I will do one of these things that I dislike.

Ummm, I know what my day holds, and I know that if I do what I have said I will do...I will accomplish this! Now, my challenge is to do more than simply do it so I can check it off a list.  What can I learn? How might I do this in a way that isn't as stressful?

Ordinary/Everyday life is full of lessons and opportunities to be more aware of the presence of the Divine and how I fit/work/live within that presence in those moments.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi