The Introduction of a Tree Full of Angels - II

Scottish Historian
1795 - 1881

"Wonder is the basis of worship." ~ Thomas Carlyle

I have referred to her as a Sister of Spirit, sometimes I wonder if she is a Soul Sister. This morning I was greeted by several videos from Youtube and many short reflections on this book.  The last video she acknowledged is "not my style" yet she thought it so fitting with this book.  I logged on, and she was right, but then I discovered the same song by Reba McEntire. I do Reba. A Sky Full of Angels and this is a fun way to begin a Monday morning!

Last week I journaled about the first part of Macrina's introduction.  I decided I had all my head and heart could hold; especially with the images/thoughts of "the altar of daily life" and "living under the eye of God".  I have wondered how I can possibly walk this path, but then I continue reading and Macrina shares that my heart can be fed...with "crumbs".  Oh do I wish I knew how to draw within a blog!

But, to back up just a bit...

Macrina writes that there are two things that I must embrace to find God's saving grace.

"Crumbs" can bless and feed
me if I am "present"

1. Embrace/Recognize that there is an "ache" within my heart for God.  Macrina believes that this ache resides within every heart. (I might use the word "emptiness"...which could also produce an "ache."
2. That I have a "gift"; a gift of my frailty and my splendor, to bring to this ache. 

Macrina says the "ache" in my heart must be fed AND that "crumbs" are sufficient.  She describes these crumbs as:

"...those small things that the world would toss aside, seeing little value in them. However, to the one who lives under the eye of God, they are far from valueless...the person who has learned to see with inner eyes there are no leftovers.  Everything in life can be nourishing.  Everything can bless us, but I have got to be there for the blessing to occur. Being present with quality is a decision we are invited to make each day." (Macrina Wiederkehr, A Tree Full of Angels, p xiii)

Clutter = Knotted Thoughts

 Being present...Joyce Rupp, and other teachers, continue to talk to me about the challenge of "busyness", of all the distractions - the clutter that work to keep me from being present the sacred that is around me every day.  I have referred to these things as "demons" within me that are just as powerful as the demons I read about in scripture.  Loosening the grip, the influence, of these demons on my heart is a never ending task...it is not easy. Yet, making this decision and doing my best to feed my soul in order to accomplish this, is a kind of salvation.  Macrina writes that it can save me from many kinds of death:

"...the death of apathy and mediocrity, the death of carelessness, the death of boredom, the death of selfishness, the death of meaningless.  There is nothing so healing in all the world as real presence. Our real presence can feed the ache for God in others." (Ibid)

 I never thought of being present as healing...hummm.  Although I speak of "God's healing presence."...

Fields to plant, children to feed, house to clean, yard to mow
I became so busy I was missing the wonder, the crumbs...

Thinking in terms of the ache, that Macrina says is in my heart, I can see that being present to the one who created me, the one who holds all I see and have...being present to that being would be healing.  I can remember that ache when I went to college.  I began walking across campus to attend University Presbyterian Church.  I was so amazed to discover worship I had not experienced as a teen.  Feelings similar to ones I had experienced at church camp, once again surfaced in my heart. But then...I became so caught up in "doing" as a young adult, that I ignored the "ache"...kind of.  I remember listening to Christian radio, following Bible teachers like Jay Vernon McGee, Praise Gathering...searching for something but I wasn't sure what that something was...

Presence.  Healing Presence.

"This is a book about seeing and harvesting. Seeing the holy in the ordinary! Harvesting angels out of crumbs! Spending your days in the fast lane of life impairs the quality of your seeing...You live in a world of theophanies. Holiness comes wrapped in the ordinary. There are burning bushes all around you. Every tree is full of angels. Hidden beauty is waiting in every crumb." (Ibid)

My yard is FULL of these crumbs, how many have
I stopped to notice? REALLY notice in order to be fed?

Wow...she continues...

"Life wants to lead you from crumbs to angels, but this can happen only if you are willing to unwrap the ordinary by staying with it long enough to harvest its treasure." 

Just in case I miss her point, Macrina offers me some wonderful examples:

If this is true, I hope they are
not the SAME mistakes!

• a spider web, wearing the mourning's dew
• a mistake, reflected upon and learned from
• reconciliation after a quarrel
• an autumn tree letting go of her leaves
• a spring tree putting leaves on again
• a wound, embraced and understood.

"The question remains. Will I be there? Will I be there with my eyes open? Will I unwrap the gift of the ordinary? Will I gather up the crumbs? Will I harvest the angels hidden in those crumbs?" (Wiederkehr, p xiv)

"Glory" reflected from simple glass beads.

One of the learnings from my last car accident was that each day is a gift for me to unwrap AND that it is my choice as to if and how I unwrap that gift.  I have shared that with others so many times!  Now, Macrina is giving me back my words.  She is reminding me of the learning I gained from that terrible experience....blessings that came from pain and tears.

"The incredible gift of the ordinary! Glory comes streaming from the table of daily life. Will I be there to catch the rays or will I remain blind to the holy because I am too busy to see? Am I too busy with my own agenda to let God's agenda bless me?" (Ibid)

This is how it is with blessings,
they just keep going, and going....

Macrina tells me that one of the treasurers she is intent on helping me harvest is the seed of my own goodness, my possibility for splendor.  I never thought of "me" having a possibility for splendor.  I don't think I have ever thought of "me" and "splendor" in the same sentence! What strikes me next is Macrina's thinking back to blessings, to "confirmations" of her writing this book and how she asked a blessing on the contents from the author of an old book, a Jesuit by the name of Raoul Plus.  She writes that we ought not take "experiences" (I think she might have said "coincidences"). She tells how Raoul Plus blessed her and in turn, so am I. That is how it is...I can make a difference in this world..."I" can change this world by being present.  When I am present and receiving the blessings of the crumbs that are all around me, I in turn then pass that blessing on...

Faith and Courage = Trust

"This brings me to the heart of this book, which is trusting the God who speaks to us (me) in our experiences at every moment." (Ibid)

There is that word again! TRUST!

Macrina shares that from childhood she has had an insatiable desire to know, yet she did not automatically believe everything she was taught.  WHOA! Does this remind you of Thomas from scripture? "I asked questions, though more often in the depths of my soul than aloud. My desire for knowledge and my yearning for the truth encouraged me to spend lots of time with my soul." (Wiederkehr, p xv)

Eugene Peterson and Jesus

Eugene Peterson, one of my favorite teachers has written a great book, "Eat This Book - a conversation in spiritual reading"

“‘Son of man, eat this book that I am giving you. Make a full meal of it!’ So I ate it. It tasted so good—just like honey,” Ezekiel 3:1-15.

I want to also hold Peterson's wisdom in my hand as I hold this book of Macrina's.  There are so many thoughts and unless I read slowly, chewing on the ideas and images...the memories that come to mind, I will have done nothing more than "read" a book.

I was on vacation during the last week of April.  I wish I had kept track of the number of times someone asked, "So, what did you DO on your vacation?"  Our culture expects me to "DO" something with nearly every minute of my day.  Studying the underneath side of a dandelion would be seen as a hopeless waste of time by many.  Someone asked me recently why it is "we", as a culture seem to judge things negatively so much. I don't know, in so many ways society is negative, we look for the bad instead of building up the positive.

This "critical" eye of expectations

 I couldn't help but smile when I found this cartoon. It is a political statement, but when I ignore that, I can see some truth that is helpful for me to remember. Think about it, San...think how the "critical/judgmental" eye of "expectations" is very different than living under the eye of God. 

"DOG" backwards is "GOD" : )

Many times, I would sit and talk to my beloved Riley...I told people that I thought he had God's eyes.  His eyes always were listening.  His eyes were attentive, watching my face as I shared. His eyes were always loving, never judgmental. 

I miss that big guy so much....In many ways Riley was a reminder for me to notice the Angels in the Trees...to notice the holy in the ordinary.  While there was nothing ordinary about my dirty and smelly rotty...he was "just" a dog...an ordinary dog who blessed my life every time I stopped to notice.

"You are a dwelling place for the Source of All Life. You are an offspring of the One who said, 'I Am who I Am.' If the One who gave you birth lives within you, surely you can find some resources there in your sacred Center. An expert lives within you. An expert breathes out of you. Are you able to be still enough to become intimate with the One who lives within?...Frail dust, remember, you are splendor!" (Wiederkehr, p xvi)

God, with your Spirit's help, I am not going to hurry through this book.  I am not setting any expectation of time. Lord, help me to savor the words and the insights so that I might discover you all around me...and within me. Help me remember I am living under your eye...which is loving, accepting, encouraging, and supportive. AMEN.

Another song my Soul Sister blessed me with this morning. The video she sent was doing funny things on my computer, so I have included a different one...that I think speaks so well of noticing the ordinary...and discovering the holy.  Watch for the hungry baby bird...God, let that be me...hungry for your Word! : )

Steven Curtis Chapman - Be Still 

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week V - Day 3 - Giving the Cup Freely

I began my day with the same video I ended with yesterday. If you would like to have it playing, as you read, you can log in here...In Beauty, May I Walk

Parker Palmer

I couldn't help but smile when I noticed Joyce used a quote by one of my favorite teachers, Parker Palmer. "Too many of us consent, or are forced, to spend time doing things for which we have not heartfelt reason. If we were asked, 'Why are you doing this?' we would not know how to answer.


Then, it just continues to get better this morning.  After Parker's quote, Joyce moves on to quoting Joseph Campbell. While I've not read a lot of Campbell's work, one of my best friends has and I have enjoyed listening to him share his learnings from Campbell.

"When Joseph Campbell described the journey of transformation, he wrote of coming through the dark cave into a new springtime of life. The important dimension he included is that when people come out of pain into newness of life, they always bring an 'elixir' or a gift with them. This gift is meant not just for themselves, but for the transformation of the world. So, too, with us. God is always extending compassion toward us, loving us, through the many ups and downs of our journey. We, in turn, are meant to offer this compassion to others. Life is a constant cycle of giving and receiving. The divine gift of love that we receive is meant to be shared." (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 118)

Wow...there is a lot packed within this one paragraph that would make for some great thinking and journaling! But, Joyce continues to share how her own motivations for compassion are significant.  She writes that the more aware she is of her motivations, the more she can give the gift of compassion with true freedom of heart, without any strings attached.

"The freer I grow, the more genuine my generosity becomes...If my motivations come out of 'have to,' guilt, self-affirmation, codependency, a 'fix-it' or problem-solving intention, or a 'redeemer mentality,' my compassion has too much of me in it and not nearly enough focus on loving the one who hurts." (Rupp, p 119)

Again...Wow....

Joyce admits that the more she gets to know her own emotions, attitudes, compulsions, and desires, the more transparent and truly compassionate she will be.  She also says that she has discovered how essential it is to be compassionate toward herself.

"The better I love myself, the better I can love others. Caregivers are often great at extending the gift of compassion toward others, but do very poorly when it comes to extending that same compassion to themselves." (Ibid)

Didn't there used to be a song about being  watched?
I feel as though Joyce has been watching me!

Lastly, she writes that gifts are meant to be given. Gifts are meant to be received. Gifts, true gifts, are offered freely.

THE Question: How and why do I offer the Gift of Compassion?

Again...Wow...

I need the breathprayer by now!

Breathprayer:
Breathing in: I receive...
Breathing out: ...I give

My cup fills, with God's
endless compassion...

Reflection:
Hold your cup in your hands.
Imagine the cup filled to the brim with God's endless compassion for you.
Thank God for this gift.
Take the cup and hold it up.
Ask God to help you offer this compassion to others.
Rest in the presence of God's love.




Scripture: Matthew 25:31-45
³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison   and you came to visit me.’


Journaling:
I usually extend compassion because...
When I reflect on gifts being given, I...
Thank you, God, for...


I am a bit surprised...Within the devotion, I was feeling a bit "convicted" by my not loving myself as much as I could.  Several years ago, I was preparing a scene for a worship theme around the Golden Rule.  As I gathered items and began to arrange them it occurred to me that we (I) had to love myself first!  "Love your neighbor as you love yourself..."


I was shocked because I treated most people better than I treated myself!  When I began this Lenten Journal I wrote about the difficult night with my uncle.  The night of the Super Bowl when he was so very agitated and in despair, I called a friend.  

"What do you want to give him, Sandi?"

 "I want him to have a sense of peace."

"Sandi, you can't give him something you don't have yourself." 

That was one of the most helpful conversations during that entire month and it applies to so many other areas of my life.  I reach out at the expense of myself...that is not loving myself.  Joyce said, "The better I love myself, the better I can love others."

Yet, as I look at these journaling questions, I feel pulled back to my old habits of give, give, give...  And when I am giving like that, I am not giving my best.  I am finally getting to the place I can accept that reality!

Praise God...I am not a loser!!

I am learning!

I am growing!

I AM A BELOVED CHILD OF GOD...ME, SANDI!!! Yea!!!

It has taken me a long time to say this with honest conviction.

I usually extend compassion because...I recognize a need and I don't stop to think.  It would be interesting how others, who know me, would respond to this question regarding what they "see" me doing.  Often, I have offered compassion without ever stopping to catch my breath.  BUT...I have also offered "compassion" kicking my butt all the way to the nursing home, the hospital, a shut-in's...because I knew it was something 1. I should do and 2. that others expected me to do. The recipient of my gift of time has normally been pleased with my visit, while I have often felt drained.

Still, ... the reality is ... those offers have not been compassion. They have been done so that I might check them off a list.  God, forgive me.  Yet...there have also been times when I have begun a visit from a the place of "should" and have been blessed by unexpected happiness. I have been blessed by a time of sharing and learning.

When I reflect on gifts being given... My mind drifts back to those gifts that were surprises...unexpected.  The smiles abound...from the gift giver and the gift receiver.  Those are the kind of moments I think Joyce is describing when she writes, "Gifts are meant to be given. Gifts are meant to be received. Gifts, true gifts, are offered freely.

As I contemplate this Cup of True Compassion, a song I've played many times comes to mind...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqOgt0Ww98w&feature=related

...it helps to remind me...to be kinder to myself...it is another kind of reminder that before I can give...I must love myself.... There are many lessons to be learned...

Prayer:
God of compassion, take me to the ones who hurt.
May I see you in every face.
May I hear you in every voice.
May I welcome you in each relationship.
May I give freely with true generosity.


Today...Joyce asks that I choose an aspect of compassion that I need and give it to myself as well as to others.  Ummm....this may be an interesting day!

Many Blessings ~ Sandi