Be Still, Child of God...

Make Me your Refuge by pouring out your heart to Me, trusting in Me at all times. ~ Psalm 62:8 (paraphrased by Sarah Young, Jesus Calling)

Be Still and Know by Steven Curtis Chapman

Be still and know that He is God Be still and know He is our Father Come rest your head upon His breast Listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love Beating for His little ones Calling each of us to come Be still Be still

Disfunction.

If someone tells me they have no disfunction in their family, I would most likely think they are either not normal or unaware of reality.

Some might think I have my act all together since I write about such things as God, seeking, scripture, spiritual journeys...

I write because I read scripture and I wonder... I write because it helps me think and reflect. I write because I don't have my head screwed on all the time!

Disfunction. I love my family intensely yet I know there is often stress when we are all together.  Add into our disfunction the death of a mother/grandmother...

This morning I got up at 4:15 so I could make coffee and see Daughter #2 before she headed for the airport. Turning on the lights, getting the coffee pot out (Yes, I prepare "perked" coffee in a nearly 40 yr old Corning Ware percolator!), putting the liner in and then measuring the coffee....all mindless tasks...I realized in my "mindlessness", my mind was singing Be Still and Know That I Am God over and over again to my heart.  Hearing the song, I stopped what I was doing.

be still.....

I stopped and reflected on the lyrics.

I stopped and thought, "My head seems to be watching over me this morning, giving my heart a familiar tune that offers words of truth for me to hold."

I thought, "Hummm, I wonder why?"

I thought, "San, are you nuts! You've been in tears, you have felt anxious and lonely. Be still and know...that is exactly what you are needing to hold right now in your crazy heart!"

This morning, as I sipped on my flavored coffee in my once again quiet house, I read from Sarah Young's devotional, Jesus Calling. Today's message is based on Psalm 55:17; Psalm 32:6; Psalm62:8:

Listen to the rhythm of
His unfailing heart of love.

I am the God of all time and all that is. Seek Me not only in morning quietness but consistently throughout the day. Do not lett unexpected problems distract you from My Presence. Instead, talk with Me about everything, and watch confidently to see what I will do. 

Adversity need not interrupt your communion with Me. When things go "wrong," you tend to react as if you're being punished. Instead of this negative response, try to view difficulties as blessings in disguise  Make Me your Refuge by pouring out your heart to Me, trusting in Me at all times.

 I don't feel as though I am being punished, but I feel sad because "I" think, "Everyone should get a long and be NICE!!!"

But my reality is different and one truth I do my best to remember is, "When I argue with reality, I lose, but only 100 percent of the time." ~ Byron Katie

I so appreciate the wisdom and insight of Byron Katie who also says:

"I am a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don't feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind and fearless."

not bored...but sad and frustrated

As an INFJ I can easily "imagine" how life "should" be and then feel tired, frustrated, hurt, tense...when life is different than what I had imagined. When I argue with what is.

So! This morning I am reminded to be still and know... I am reminded that when I allow myself to argue with what is, I end up feeling lonely, hurt, and sad.  When I "choose" to sit in that black and smelly pot of loneliness and hurt, I feel distant from God BECAUSE I have allowed the dynamics around me to distract me from his presence within and around me. This morning through scripture, song, and devotions, I am reminded that I can pour out my heart to God in trust and recover wholeness and balance. I can even take a deep breath...and SMILE!

And when I smile...I am once again feeling more sane and ready to walk into this day as a much loved and unique and gifted child of God!

Thank you for all the love you send my way! Thank you for the blessings of friends who listen, truth from songs, devotions and scripture. Thank you for my wonderful yet dysfunctional family! May they each regain a sense of peace in the days to come as they adjust to the void left by my mother-in-law's passing. Lord, bless me as I do my best to journey toward wholeness and balance in your presence. AMEN.

Thank you, for reminders such as Francesca Battitelli's reminder within Beautiful, Beautiful ...mercy reaching to save me...making my life something so beautiful, beautiful...though its pouring down I see  you through the clouds shining on my face...


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Gather Up the Crumbs - IX - Be Still and Know.....

"It is the stillness that will save and transform the world." ~ 

Eckhart Tolle

Psalm 46 

Be still.................................................................

¹ God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.

 ⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
   God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
   he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

 ⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.

 ⁸ Come and see what the LORD has done,
   the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
   to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
   he burns the shields with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”

 ¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.

I have journaled before about Jackie Novak and The Blessing Center in Dayton, Ohio.

At a workshop with Jackie and members of The Blessing Center I made some prayer beads.  Now, as I have also journaled, I am a blue-blooded Presbyterian who had never heard of prayer beads until I reached my early to mid 40's.  My prayer beads are in my office at the church and I can't find a picture similar to them.  I secured one end and then strung large wooden beads.  Before stringing the beads, I had written Psalm 46:10.  Each bead had one to two words.  When I have difficulty getting myself still, I move the beads one at a time up and down the rope, reciting the words of 46:10.


This morning, reflecting on these verses I hear God telling me to "relax in My holy Presence."


"Let go of the cares and the worries, so that you can receive My Peace."


"Cease striving and know that I am God."


"Let go, relax, be still...."

What can I say?
I'm a sucker for kids!

I'm headed out to be with a little girl and her family before she has a minor surgery.  It is minor, but she made a point to tell me three weeks ago, "Pastor Sandi, I'm having surgery on June 2."

Then, in the same hospital I will go to be with the woman I have journaled about in several previous posts.  I learned yesterday she has gone on dialysis.  The last time I saw her...she "appeared to be" in GREAT shape. She told me, "Sandi, I saw angels up there the other day."

Knowing how upset her daughters were, I tried to make a joke, "Well, Pat, that is a lot better than the monkeys I saw after my car accident!"

She told me again, and this time I had to put her before her family, so I asked her to tell me more...

"They were sparkling, well maybe they seemed to sparkle because they were so bright! I wanted to go with them, but I also wanted to touch each of my girls one last time.  Sandi, I couldn't do both, so here I am."

http://marinapetro.blogspot.com/2009/12/
angel-light-angel-day-angel-art.html

This morning I wondered about that "I wanted to touch each of my girls one last time..."

So, for this morning, I am going to gather the crumbs of a beautiful sunrise, the birds singing, and the dew on my bare feet as I walk Sophie.

On the drive to the hospital, I may rest in the crumbs of the silence of my car, or I may fill my soul with music from KLOVE.  And....I might do both.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

The Introduction of a Tree Full of Angels - II

Scottish Historian
1795 - 1881

"Wonder is the basis of worship." ~ Thomas Carlyle

I have referred to her as a Sister of Spirit, sometimes I wonder if she is a Soul Sister. This morning I was greeted by several videos from Youtube and many short reflections on this book.  The last video she acknowledged is "not my style" yet she thought it so fitting with this book.  I logged on, and she was right, but then I discovered the same song by Reba McEntire. I do Reba. A Sky Full of Angels and this is a fun way to begin a Monday morning!

Last week I journaled about the first part of Macrina's introduction.  I decided I had all my head and heart could hold; especially with the images/thoughts of "the altar of daily life" and "living under the eye of God".  I have wondered how I can possibly walk this path, but then I continue reading and Macrina shares that my heart can be fed...with "crumbs".  Oh do I wish I knew how to draw within a blog!

But, to back up just a bit...

Macrina writes that there are two things that I must embrace to find God's saving grace.

"Crumbs" can bless and feed
me if I am "present"

1. Embrace/Recognize that there is an "ache" within my heart for God.  Macrina believes that this ache resides within every heart. (I might use the word "emptiness"...which could also produce an "ache."
2. That I have a "gift"; a gift of my frailty and my splendor, to bring to this ache. 

Macrina says the "ache" in my heart must be fed AND that "crumbs" are sufficient.  She describes these crumbs as:

"...those small things that the world would toss aside, seeing little value in them. However, to the one who lives under the eye of God, they are far from valueless...the person who has learned to see with inner eyes there are no leftovers.  Everything in life can be nourishing.  Everything can bless us, but I have got to be there for the blessing to occur. Being present with quality is a decision we are invited to make each day." (Macrina Wiederkehr, A Tree Full of Angels, p xiii)

Clutter = Knotted Thoughts

 Being present...Joyce Rupp, and other teachers, continue to talk to me about the challenge of "busyness", of all the distractions - the clutter that work to keep me from being present the sacred that is around me every day.  I have referred to these things as "demons" within me that are just as powerful as the demons I read about in scripture.  Loosening the grip, the influence, of these demons on my heart is a never ending task...it is not easy. Yet, making this decision and doing my best to feed my soul in order to accomplish this, is a kind of salvation.  Macrina writes that it can save me from many kinds of death:

"...the death of apathy and mediocrity, the death of carelessness, the death of boredom, the death of selfishness, the death of meaningless.  There is nothing so healing in all the world as real presence. Our real presence can feed the ache for God in others." (Ibid)

 I never thought of being present as healing...hummm.  Although I speak of "God's healing presence."...

Fields to plant, children to feed, house to clean, yard to mow
I became so busy I was missing the wonder, the crumbs...

Thinking in terms of the ache, that Macrina says is in my heart, I can see that being present to the one who created me, the one who holds all I see and have...being present to that being would be healing.  I can remember that ache when I went to college.  I began walking across campus to attend University Presbyterian Church.  I was so amazed to discover worship I had not experienced as a teen.  Feelings similar to ones I had experienced at church camp, once again surfaced in my heart. But then...I became so caught up in "doing" as a young adult, that I ignored the "ache"...kind of.  I remember listening to Christian radio, following Bible teachers like Jay Vernon McGee, Praise Gathering...searching for something but I wasn't sure what that something was...

Presence.  Healing Presence.

"This is a book about seeing and harvesting. Seeing the holy in the ordinary! Harvesting angels out of crumbs! Spending your days in the fast lane of life impairs the quality of your seeing...You live in a world of theophanies. Holiness comes wrapped in the ordinary. There are burning bushes all around you. Every tree is full of angels. Hidden beauty is waiting in every crumb." (Ibid)

My yard is FULL of these crumbs, how many have
I stopped to notice? REALLY notice in order to be fed?

Wow...she continues...

"Life wants to lead you from crumbs to angels, but this can happen only if you are willing to unwrap the ordinary by staying with it long enough to harvest its treasure." 

Just in case I miss her point, Macrina offers me some wonderful examples:

If this is true, I hope they are
not the SAME mistakes!

• a spider web, wearing the mourning's dew
• a mistake, reflected upon and learned from
• reconciliation after a quarrel
• an autumn tree letting go of her leaves
• a spring tree putting leaves on again
• a wound, embraced and understood.

"The question remains. Will I be there? Will I be there with my eyes open? Will I unwrap the gift of the ordinary? Will I gather up the crumbs? Will I harvest the angels hidden in those crumbs?" (Wiederkehr, p xiv)

"Glory" reflected from simple glass beads.

One of the learnings from my last car accident was that each day is a gift for me to unwrap AND that it is my choice as to if and how I unwrap that gift.  I have shared that with others so many times!  Now, Macrina is giving me back my words.  She is reminding me of the learning I gained from that terrible experience....blessings that came from pain and tears.

"The incredible gift of the ordinary! Glory comes streaming from the table of daily life. Will I be there to catch the rays or will I remain blind to the holy because I am too busy to see? Am I too busy with my own agenda to let God's agenda bless me?" (Ibid)

This is how it is with blessings,
they just keep going, and going....

Macrina tells me that one of the treasurers she is intent on helping me harvest is the seed of my own goodness, my possibility for splendor.  I never thought of "me" having a possibility for splendor.  I don't think I have ever thought of "me" and "splendor" in the same sentence! What strikes me next is Macrina's thinking back to blessings, to "confirmations" of her writing this book and how she asked a blessing on the contents from the author of an old book, a Jesuit by the name of Raoul Plus.  She writes that we ought not take "experiences" (I think she might have said "coincidences"). She tells how Raoul Plus blessed her and in turn, so am I. That is how it is...I can make a difference in this world..."I" can change this world by being present.  When I am present and receiving the blessings of the crumbs that are all around me, I in turn then pass that blessing on...

Faith and Courage = Trust

"This brings me to the heart of this book, which is trusting the God who speaks to us (me) in our experiences at every moment." (Ibid)

There is that word again! TRUST!

Macrina shares that from childhood she has had an insatiable desire to know, yet she did not automatically believe everything she was taught.  WHOA! Does this remind you of Thomas from scripture? "I asked questions, though more often in the depths of my soul than aloud. My desire for knowledge and my yearning for the truth encouraged me to spend lots of time with my soul." (Wiederkehr, p xv)

Eugene Peterson and Jesus

Eugene Peterson, one of my favorite teachers has written a great book, "Eat This Book - a conversation in spiritual reading"

“‘Son of man, eat this book that I am giving you. Make a full meal of it!’ So I ate it. It tasted so good—just like honey,” Ezekiel 3:1-15.

I want to also hold Peterson's wisdom in my hand as I hold this book of Macrina's.  There are so many thoughts and unless I read slowly, chewing on the ideas and images...the memories that come to mind, I will have done nothing more than "read" a book.

I was on vacation during the last week of April.  I wish I had kept track of the number of times someone asked, "So, what did you DO on your vacation?"  Our culture expects me to "DO" something with nearly every minute of my day.  Studying the underneath side of a dandelion would be seen as a hopeless waste of time by many.  Someone asked me recently why it is "we", as a culture seem to judge things negatively so much. I don't know, in so many ways society is negative, we look for the bad instead of building up the positive.

This "critical" eye of expectations

 I couldn't help but smile when I found this cartoon. It is a political statement, but when I ignore that, I can see some truth that is helpful for me to remember. Think about it, San...think how the "critical/judgmental" eye of "expectations" is very different than living under the eye of God. 

"DOG" backwards is "GOD" : )

Many times, I would sit and talk to my beloved Riley...I told people that I thought he had God's eyes.  His eyes always were listening.  His eyes were attentive, watching my face as I shared. His eyes were always loving, never judgmental. 

I miss that big guy so much....In many ways Riley was a reminder for me to notice the Angels in the Trees...to notice the holy in the ordinary.  While there was nothing ordinary about my dirty and smelly rotty...he was "just" a dog...an ordinary dog who blessed my life every time I stopped to notice.

"You are a dwelling place for the Source of All Life. You are an offspring of the One who said, 'I Am who I Am.' If the One who gave you birth lives within you, surely you can find some resources there in your sacred Center. An expert lives within you. An expert breathes out of you. Are you able to be still enough to become intimate with the One who lives within?...Frail dust, remember, you are splendor!" (Wiederkehr, p xvi)

God, with your Spirit's help, I am not going to hurry through this book.  I am not setting any expectation of time. Lord, help me to savor the words and the insights so that I might discover you all around me...and within me. Help me remember I am living under your eye...which is loving, accepting, encouraging, and supportive. AMEN.

Another song my Soul Sister blessed me with this morning. The video she sent was doing funny things on my computer, so I have included a different one...that I think speaks so well of noticing the ordinary...and discovering the holy.  Watch for the hungry baby bird...God, let that be me...hungry for your Word! : )

Steven Curtis Chapman - Be Still 

Many Blessings ~ Sandi