Grated Cheese - Grateful

A lifetime of sermons on "thanks in all things" and the shelves sagging with books on these things and I testify: life-changing gratitude does not fasten to a life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time. ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 57

Ann writes that there are days her camera is a hammer.  I certainly appreciate that analogy.  So many times I have run inside or back to my office to grab my camera.  I want to capture a moment that has reminded me of God's faithfulness. [you can imagine my sorrow when I realized my camera was not working when I grabbed it from my bag on our way to Wisconsin on Friday....I'm still working on the blessing of my broken camera. : ( ]

Anyhow, the Farmer walks into the kitchen just as Ann is focusing her camera to get a picture of a plate of grated cheese,

I like finding you just like this...You being happy in all these little things that God gives. It makes me very happy. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 56)

Happiness and joy.

Joy is part of living life to the fullest, and joy is always given, never grasped.  God gives gifts and I give thanks.  It is in the giving thanks that I receive and unwrap the gift of joy.

I want the spirituality, the peace, the joy of the masters....yet, I must learn, I must practice....like Ann I do this by finding blessings in something like a plate of grated cheese.

Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant - a seed - this plants the giant miracle...Do not disdain the small. The whole of the life - even the hard - is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole...There is a way to live the big of giving thanks in all things. It is this: to give thanks in this one small thing. The moments will add up. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 57)

 Ephesians 5:20 says, "And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Like Ann, I have read this, I have used it in sermons...yet I struggle.  I struggle to find the blessing in small things like a broken camera.  I REALLY struggle to find the blessing in bigger things like young mothers battling cancer, failed crops, physical pain....

Yet, by sitting with the frustration of a broken camera or the fear and uncertainty of cancer...I miss the sign of Life and Love that is around me.

But in this counting gifts, to one thousand, more, I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life. A lifetime of sermons on "thanks in all things" and the shelves sagging with books on these things and I testify: life-changing gratitude does not fasten to a life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 57)

Little nails and a steady hammer...it is this that will rebuild my life....will build transformation of peace and joy.

Eucharisteo precedes the miracle.

It is with this insight that Ann snaps a picture of cheese.

I have been putting off taking several steps that would lead me to emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health.

One, posting on this journal helps to keep me focused on spiritual health, but this time then pushes aside the exercise I desperately need for my physical health.  November is the month in which many of us focus on gratitude, and this November....I want to make some changes in my life so that I can better embrace the many gifts God has showered upon me.

Small steps... Small steps when I want to be running a marathon! : )

Patience.

Perseverance.

One small step....I guess it is time to get out of the boat!

I'm not sure how becoming more serious about exercise will affect my blogging posts...one small step.... and trust that Spirit will lead me as I strive toward wholeness...as I strive toward a life lived fully.

It is only through your Spirit that I can "Surrender All".  Yet, as I struggle with my issues of control, fear of letting go....As I read and as I desire to live fully in You...I know you love me for my desire to live fully in hope, peace, love and joy....and that you will always be near to guide me and encourage me.  Thank you. Amen.


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Groaning into a new day...

...The more hassled you feel, the more you need this sacred space of communion with Me. Breathe slowly and deeply. Relax in My holy Presence while My Face shines upon you. This is how you receive My Peace, which I always offer you... Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

Be Still My Soul... by Selah.  All I can add is to whisper a grateful, "Amen."

This morning, for whatever reason, the body, the mind, the spirit...just could hardly move....just could hardly believe I had to begin a new day.  A day I already knew to be full with an Update, a Sermon, a Bulletin....those words that appear on a page....I just have not found a way to shut my eyes and then discover the page full....of just the right words.

This morning, sitting down with my devotion I prayed, "Lord, you know what is on my plate for this day and you know how tired and spent I feel...and the day has not yet begun! Lord, I feel overwhelmed by all I need to accomplish.  Lord, I feel sad by the things I really want to accomplish, yet I know those things don't pay the bills. Lord, grant that I discover what I need within these moments with you. Amen."


Yesterday, during the Wednesday Lunch Bunch conversation we talked about miracles.  Biblical miracles and miracles that occur in our everyday/ordinary life.  Sarah's devotion for today...I would almost count as a miracle. Continuing from above...

...Imagine the pain I feel when My children tie themselves up in anxious knots, ignoring My gift of Peace. I died a criminal's death to secure this blessing for you. Receive it gratefully; hide it in your heart. My Peace is an inner treasure, growing within you as you trust in Me. Therefore, circumstances cannot touch it.Be still, enjoying Peace in My Presence.

"Receive it gratefully..."

Those words are taking on a new significance for me as I strive to live life through an attitude of gratitude in all things.  This morning, because I know I am struggling with focus, instead of journaling on One Thousand Gifts, I am going to Psalm 46, as transposed by Eugene Peterson in The Message Bible:

1-3 God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,courageous in seastorm and earthquake,Before the rush and roar of oceans,the tremors that shift mountains. 

This morning, sitting with these words, I realized that in many ways....I wanted to hide!  I wanted to hide from anyone and anything that could want something from me....I realized I do feel as though I am standing [and have been standing for a long while] in the midst of a storm.  A storm of constant demands on my physical, emotional, and mental self.

Ummm.  Sound like a familiar Bible story?

8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God!He plants flowers and treess all over the earth,Bans war from pole to pole,breaks all the weapons across his knee."Step out of the traffic! Take a long,loving look at me, your High God,above politics, above everything. 

11 Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,God-of-Angel-Armies protects us..

As powerful as the imagery in this Psalm, it was Eugene Peterson's reflection that really helped me to pause this morning.

...The city of God is safe, not because it's a sphere of innocence, protected by unscalable walls and sophisticated security systems. It's safe because it's the sphere where God's help is available....The verb 'help' is used in verse 5, where I translate it, 'God at your service.' He knows the kind of world we live in, and he knows how vulnerable we are in that world. He anticipates our needs and plans ahead. He's there right on time to help, there at the crack of dawn."


In verse 8, the psalmist says, 'Attention, all! See the marvels of God!' In other words, 'Quit rushing through the streets long enough to become aware that there is more to life than your little self-help enterprises.'


In a world that is falling apart around us, it's easy to become frantic and lose touch with God. But if God is the living center of redemption, it's essential that we be in touch with him and responsive to him. If God has a will for this world and we want to be in on it, we must be still long enough to find out what it is.


It is then, and 'only' then, that we'll be able to see the marvels of God that are going on around us and inside us.


In order to write words that others might find meaningful within an Update or a Sermon, in order to consider Gratitude...to journal about Gratitude... In order to live fully I must be still long enough to discover God working around me and within me.

It is with a sense of gratitude that I receive the words of Sarah Young and Eugene Peterson as they used the imagery of Psalm 46 in their own writing.

Instead of sitting with Ann's book, these were the words I needed this morning to calm my anxiety, my overwhelm, and my fatigue at the beginning of a new day....a day that is truly a gift from God!

God, I am grateful for the Psalmist, and I am grateful for those who take the words of these ancient writings and weave them into paragraphs of words that heal my soul on mornings such as this. Help me to take the peace of these moments into my day.  Help me to pause as demands seem to heavy...seem to come to fast...and simply rest in your presence. Amen!


This video....I struggle with the images of the crucifixion story as depicted in The Passion of The Christ.  ....truth be told, I normally avoid them.  But this morning, the images within this video spoke to my heart, as violent as they are...  Through It All....  If Christ had not suffered...how would I know he truly understands my tired and weary heart? How else could I trust?

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

A Word to Live and Die by ~ Eucharisteo

It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly 'themselves' before him in worship. God is sheer being itself = Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration. ~ John 4:23-24 MSG

Wow....what a way to begin my morning devotions! This word from John and then Michael's song, Above All.

Chapter 2 of Ann's book is entitled "a word to live...and die by".  She uses a quote by Alexander Schmenmann to begin:

Eucharist [thanksgiving] is the state of the perfect man. Eucharist is the life of paradise. Eucharist is the only full and real respons of man to God's creation, redemption, and gift of heaven.

Yet, another "wow" as I begin this day.

There is A LOT to sit with, to reflect upon, to ponder...within this quote of Schmenmann.

"I slam upright, jolt the bed hard, hands gripping the cotton sheets wild....they were just nightmares ..a silver thread unraveling through the black. And for me, she who says she never has dreams." (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 24-25)

Yesterday I shared briefly how pain is and has been a steady companion. Desperate for sleep, I took two Advil PMs last night.  I slept and had strange dreams that were unsettling.  I could only shake my head as I began reading Chapter 2 this morning.

Ann does a great job using the time of waking from bad dreams as a metaphor/allegory [??? my HS English teacher must be shaking her head at my confusion] of such to describe life in general.

"For years of mornings I have woken wanting to die. Life itself twists into nightmare. For years, I have pulled the covers up over my head, dreading to begin another day I'd be bound to just wreck. Years, I lie listening to the taunt of names ringin off my interior walls, ones from the past that never drifted far and away: Loser. Mess. Failure. They are signs nailed overhead, nailed through me, naming me. The stars are blinking out." (Voskamp, p 26)

Again....these words so resonate with my own heart.  This morning Sarah Young, in her devotion book, Jesus Calling, also spoke to these doubts...these "nightmares" I do my best to hide from myself and from others.

Beware of seeing yourself through others people's eyes. There are several dangers to this practice. First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you. Moreover, their views of you are variable: subject to each viewer's  spiritual, emotional, and physical condition. The major problem with letting others define you is that it borders on idolatry. Your concern to please others dampens your desire to please Me. your Creator....

 This morning I awoke from a night of restless dreams, to thoughts from scripture and from Ann's book that seemed to offer a salve of sorts to the edginess I felt beginning this new day.

I have already emptied the dishwasher, folded laundry from last night...mindless tasks as I have watched the eastern sky turn from black to a subtle orange.  A new day has begun and I live within the question.

Knowing these mornings of orange skies and dew on my feet as I change the feeders for the birds...I ask what is most important.  Ann concluded Chapter One with the challenge to ...now see and testify..a dare to an emptier, fuller life."

In other words....how do I live the fullest life possible NOW that delivers into the full life after?

Gratitude.

Eucharisteo.

I stood watching the sun this morning, glancing here and there at the muted colors of mums with leaves from my wonderful trees scattered all around.  I felt the coolness of the dew and the freshness of the morning air...I think Ann may have hit a nerve with me suggesting from our beginnings [my beginnings] we keep reliving the Garden story of not having enough.

On page 29 Ann asks:

"...Will I have lived fully - or just empty?"

Holidays are coming up and I watch my Grands wait with anticipation... Maybe they are a visible lesson for me to hold. Sometimes it is difficult, this waiting...this living between birth and eternity.

Walking through the front door of the church there is a large framed poster entitled "The Dash".  It is a popular reminder....it speaks to this living within the middle...the dash.

When I walk through the doors of the church today, I think I will pause long enough to actually read this familiar truth again....and to be grateful for the woman who framed and hung this picture....to be grateful for the reminder of being in Eucharisteo in this moment...within the dash of today.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Living the "no"?

Satan is an ingrate...Satan's sin becomes the first sin of all humanity: the sin of  ingratitude. Adam and Eve are, simply, painfully, ungrateful for what God gave. ~Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 15

See What a Morning - Kristyn Lennox


For many reasons, I am more of a Gospel preacher than one of the Hebrew Scriptures.  In some ways, I am in awe of these ancient stories and how they were passed down from generation to generation, until they were finally recorded.  And then...once they were written down, how they have survived!

I am in awe and I have a deep reverence for these stories and I believe they, like the New Testament, have been God inspired.

I don't jump into them very often when preparing sermons, yet Ann jumps right into the Creation story and she does so in a way that broadens and challenges my heart to find myself within these familiar images.

"From all our beginnings, we keep reliving the Garden story.   

"Satan, he wanted more. More power, more glory. 

"Ultimately, in his essence, Satan is an ingrate. And he sinks his venom into the heart of Eden. Satan's sin becomes the first sin of all humanity: the sin of ingratitude. Adam and Eve are, simply, painfully, ungrateful for what God gave. 

"Isn't that the catalyst of all my sins?" (Ibid)  

I have never stopped to consider the story of the Fall of Mankind as a story of "ingratitude."

....Well, maybe I have, but not in this particular way and I am almost certain I have never used the word(s) "ingratitude" or "ungrateful" when sharing this story with others.  Yet, reading Ann's insight, I am stretched and find myself within this story.

"Isn't that the catalyst of all my sins? 

"Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren't satisfied in God and what He gives. We hunger for something more, something other." (Ibid)

I know this ancient story of Adam and Eve. I can see pictures from my youth of two people, with leaves as clothing, crouching behind bushes or trees.  ....you know....those old Sunday School pictures and lessons were to teach me a "story" and they did this well! However....this morning I am thinking (that is what these.... are....my thinking)...I am thinking the lessons and stories taught me so "well" that I put these stories on the shelf alongside the Pokey Little Puppy.


Ann continues to offer me a slightly different lens to hold this ancient story:
"'In the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened...' ...Our vision let us see a world spilling with goodness. Our eyes fell on nothing but the glory of God. We saw God as He truly is: good...we were lured....that there was more to see...there was more: the ugliness we hadn't beheld, the sinfulness we hand't witnessed, the loss we hadn't known." (Ibid)


I am hungry. I eat. I am filled. I am emptied and I have to often only seen the material means to fill my emptiness. I have to long ignored what it means to be in communion with God.

I look at all that is wrong around me and around the world, and I wonder where God is...what is he doing?

On my better days, I acknowledge the world, as I see it, is a result of my ingratitude and the blindness that ingratitude may cause.

"I may have said yes to God, yes to Christianity, but really, I have lived the no." Voskamp, p 16

Its these little gems of insights that kind of nudge my heart...my gut.

Sunday morning, it is much easier to "see God" within the world.  People gather, we pray, we sing.... Sundays we celebrate the sacrament of communion...at the Table all is renewed.  Yet, comes Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday....

"I hunger for filling in a world that is starved." (Voskamp, p 17)


I may have said yes to God, yes to Christianity, but really I have lived the no.


You know, I think....I know I could admit this as well, as hard as it is to admit...

I have already journaled that I am preaching on God's Will/Plan for my/our lives.  Within the context of my sermon I have said that God spoke over and again that he had a plan to bring me/us back to him....to fill me once again with his glory.   With his glory and with his grace.

....but really I have lived the no...

...filled once again with his glory and with his grace...

That's enough for my heart to hold and ponder on this day.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Blessing of Brokenness

Be careful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you, who belong to Jesus Christ, to live. ~ 1 Thessalonians 6:16-18

A great way to begin my day! There's no God like Jehovah! Praise God!

The gift of being able to spend two nights/three days at Pokagon State Park was a gift that will prayerfully give me strength in the crazy days to come!

I heard so many first hand accounts of brothers and sisters in far corners of the world...and I was humbled by my abundance and by my tendency to "whine" when my schedule is too busy, my body hurts to much, people don't seem to appreciate my efforts.....

: ) This would be me on those days.

Maybe I need to print this picture off and put it in strategic places around my home as a reminder that instead of whining, complaining, feeling sorry for myself..... Instead of going "there" I  can make the choice to "Be cheerful, no matter what; pray all the time: AND THANK GOD no matter what happens.

Ummmmm I can choose to receive God's blessing in my brokenness.

I didn't go to any of the workshops during the Wee Kirk Retreat at Pokagon.  During the workshops I found a place to sit and watch the lake while I worked on "stuff" for the church's Homecoming Celebration this coming Sunday. (When I'm healthy....I can admit it was all STUFF that God could most likely care less that if was produced!)

Yesterday morning, because I had everything ready for Sunday except my sermon, I went to a workshop entitled "The Blessing of Brokenness."

The workshop leader was very nice.  The people who participated in the workshop were sincere. And I sat there wishing I had taken my laptop to my favorite spot and begun working on my sermon.

"I didn't hear anything new." I told my friend.

"Of course you didn't hear anything new, Sandi! You have been working your way through this reality for nearly 14 years!"

I want wisdom and insight.  I want to discover joy.  I want to practice gratitude! I want the freedom in Christ people talk of. I want...

And I can only embrace these "wants" by walking the path of my own life journey. I'm not going to magically absorb and be made whole by sitting in a workshop. I have to participate in the healing...I have to participate in my freedom... by being present and doing my own work.

Ann Voskamp entitles her first chapter, "An Emptier, Fuller Life."

Many times, I have journaled about "emptiness" and the "knee jerk" reaction it can some times produce in my heart. Ann takes the thought of emptiness and shares with simple, yet deep words, the emptiness that occurred when her little sister was killed in an accident when Ann was only four years old.

She shares the memories of grieving parents and how on that day, "when blood pooled and my sister died and I, all of us, snapped shut to grace." (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 10)


She continues, "They lay her gravestone flat into the earth, a black granite slab engraved with no dates, only the five letters of her name. Aimee. It means 'loved one.' How she was. We had loved her. And with the laying of her gravestone, the closing up of her deathbed, so closed our lives. Closed to any notion of grace." (Voskamp, p 11)


My body hurts. I listened to the stories of people at this retreat. I listened to the stories of the missionary. I watch the images on my TV and, like Ann writes, it is sometimes all to easy to question, "Where is God, really?"

When I have been knocked down again and again, why would I put my trust in a God who allows, not only my pain, but allows such great suffering all around the world! Why and how am I to be grateful...to continue praising such a God?

Ann writes, "...But these aren't things you need to say anyways. Like all beliefs, you simply live them." (Ibid)


I "live" my beliefs.

Such a simple statement, yet it is profound and provocative as well.

What "I" believe shapes how I see everything around me!

One of the stories of the missionary: A church in Cuba...when it was dangerous to even gather in that church....One woman attended every Sunday worship service.  This woman attended, never knowing if anyone else would be there. Some Sundays, others did filter in.  Some Sundays they even had the Word proclaimed by a traveling pastor.  MANY Sundays the woman sat by herself; praying and singing hymns.  Many Sundays she did this, not to "keep the doors opened"....she did this so others would see God's presence among them...God's presence within and among them as they faced poverty and great danger....

Smiling, the missionary shared that today that little congregation consistently has 40 people in worship and they are doing a new church start in an area that knows even greater poverty and danger than they face!

Because this woman lived her belief in a loving, caring, and all powerful God....in such a place...the Light of the world began to shine brighter and brighter.... A light from this woman's small candle.

Although the word was not used in sharing her story, I can imagine that this woman lived her life in "Gratitude" to God.

Last Sunday, using Colossians 3:1-4 I suggested that we (I) have my "life".  My life with all its schedules, relationships, demands, bils to pay, physical challenges....I have this life and within that life I also have God.  AND, I all to often take all my "stuff" and ask God to bless this and bless that....

I admitted that I make God a component of my life and according to Colossians 3, GOD IS MY LIFE!

God is not a component...God is my life!

I have journaled so many times....each time reminding myself that it is only in my brokenness that I truly come to God.  When I am feeling good and full of "myself".... those things that are so very IMPORTANT get pushed off my shelf.

God, I praise you and I thank you that you never give up on me!!!  I have offered praises before that I am loved by a God of Second Chances.  Help me to rest in your love and your acceptance as I step into this new day. Open my heart to receive all the blessings you offer me within the ordinariness of life.  Open my heart to gratitude so that I might truly sense the blessing of you within and beside me.  Oh, dear God....forgive me when I make you a component of my life! Help me to live my life in gratitude, asking what I am to do with your life that is within me. AMEN.

Open the Eyes of My Heart.....


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Beginning in earnest, journaling about gratitude....

~~~ Sigh~~~

I just lost my entire post from earlier this morning.

If I believed in a Satan figure set out to knock me off my journey of Gratitude I would believe this is the work of Satan.

Not sure what I believe in terms of "Satan"... an accident has happened and my thoughts have been sent into a deep hole of blogs...

So, because I have a full day ahead of me and cannot possibly repost... for this moment I will be Grateful for:

1. ....This beautiful day of sunshine and warm temperatures.

2. .....For a sister-in-law who does not mind doggy sitting Sophie so I can leave home tomorrow without the worry of this little dog.  I can go to my retreat without "that" worry.

3. .....That I can repost at a later time.  It won't be the same, and that is okay.

Until I do....

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Hard Gratitude

"When your energy fails you, do not look inward and lament the lack you find there. Look to Me and My sufficiency; rejoice in My radiant riches that are abundantly available to help you." ~ Sarah Young, "Jesus Calling"

You Are My Strength - Hillsong


I know so many people who are struggling and I feel helpless knowing how to help.  They are hard issues that I cannot fix, I can only pray and hopefully listen well when they need a safe place.

Ann will be encouraging me to discover gratitude within the hard places, she refers to it as "hard eucharisteo."

You know what is hard?

It is hard trying to share the truth of discovering gratitude in the midst of pain.  The words of Psalm 27 encourage me, within my own fears and darkness, and hopefully the words of this Psalm will help me encourage others.  Verses 13-14 read:

I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God! Take heart. Don't quit.
I'll say it again: Stay with God. (MSG)

Sarah Young, in her devotional book, Jesus Calling writes this morning:

Relax in My everlasting arms. Your weakness is an opportunity to grow strong in awareness of My Almighty Presence. When your energy fails you, do not look inward and lament the lack you find there. Look to Me and My sufficiency; rejoice in My radiant riches that are abundantly available to help you. 

Go gently through this day, leaning on Me and enjoying My Presence. Thank Me for your neediness, which is building trust bonds between us. If you look back on your journey thus far, you can see that days of extreme weakness have been some of your most precious times. Memories of these days are richly interwoven with golden strands of My intimate Presence.

"Thank Me for your neediness..."

That is difficult.

It is difficult to live and it is even more difficult to preach!

Ahhh.... I first must live this truth before I can preach this truth!

I actually knew that....I did need the reminder.

On the back of the book jacket of Ann's book it says,

One Thousand Gifts beacons you to leave the parched ground of pride, fear, and white knuckle control and abandon yourself to the God who overflows your cup. As Ann Voskamp invites you into her own moments of grace, she gently teaches you how to biblically lament loss, turning pain into poetry, intentionally embrace a lifestyle of radical gratitude and slow down and catch God in the moment. 

Not a book merely to read, One Thousand Gifts begs to be embraced as a dynamic, interactive primer inviting you to engage with truths that will serve up the depth's of God's joy and transform your life forever.

Radical Gratitude.  I think that speaks of gratitude within things that the world would miss.

Oh, we [the world]  so need this kind of  lesson, but I am not the world.  Still, as Gandhi challenges us" "Be the change .... ."


I have two appointments and calls to make...all with individuals who are suffering. I simply pray that I can take the lessons I have learned and continue to learn within these conversations.

Prayer For a Friend - Casting Crowns


Amen!

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Blessed are the people...

Blessed are the people who know the password of praise, Who shout on parade in the bright presence of God. ~ Psalm 89:15 (MSG)

Blessed be the Lord God Almighty 


I was blessed by Psalm 89 this morning, I say "blessed" because it seemed so appropriate as I consider my new book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

Last evening I was questioning my decision to use this book.  I LOVE this book, but I haven't been sure I want to journal online as I once again read through its pages.  I wasn't sure I wanted to be quite so "open."  I was still questioning my decision this morning. I paused as I began my devotion time, asking God to give me direction AND to help me hear his direction!

Psalm 89 is a fairly lengthy Psalm. David moves from praising God, lamenting, and then back to praise. Once again, Eugene Peterson's poetic translation offers me new images to consider.  I loved the way he began"

"Your love God, is my song and I'll sing it."

I paused with this first verse, still it was verses 15-18 that opened me, giving me the courage to begin reading One Thousand Gifts with others and to eventually begin sharing my thoughts.

"Blessed are the people who know the password of praise,Who shout on parade in the bright presence of God.Delighted they dance all day long; they know who you are, what you do - they can't keep it quiet!Your vibrant beauty has gotten inside us - You've been so good to us! We're walking on air!All we are and have we owe to God, Holy God of Israel, our King!"

On the inside of Ann's book it reads:
what it means to be...
...deeply human
...deeply spiritual
...deeply and authentically fulfilled

The publisher (Dayspring) goes on to write:
"Like most readers, Ann Voskamp hungers to live her one life well. Forget the bucket lists about once-in-a-lifetime experiences.

"How," Voskamp wondered, "do we find joy in the midst of deadlines, debt, drama, and daily duties? What does a life of gratitude look like when your days are gritty, long, and sometimes dark? What is God providing here and now?

"A beautifully practical guide to living a life of joy, One Thousand Gifts invites you to wake up to God's everyday blessings. As Voskamp discovered, in giving thanks for the life she already had, she found the life she'd always wanted.


"Following Voskamp's grace-bathed reflections on her farming, parenting, and writing life, you will embark on a transformative spiritual discipline of chronicling gifts. Along the way you will discover a way of seeing that opens your eyes to gratitude, a way of living so you are not afraid to die, and a way of becoming present to God's presence that brings deep and lasting happiness."



Before I begin, I am confessing that this is the first time I noticed the words "transformative spiritual discipline of chronicling gifts."

I had totally skimmed past, over, through....those words in past readings.  This online journal is about discovering spiritual disciplines and I blew past these words!

This online journaling is to help me learn to "pause", to "slow down" AND I still blew past these words!!!

I confess (Okay...twice in one posting I'm confessing!) that I am totally, and have been totally, covered up with work today...and will remain so in the days to come. My mind has been fragmented today as I have tried to get things done for the church's upcoming Homecoming Celebration. It has taken me longer to do simple tasks, simply because I am not sharp mentally...I'm not focused.

While I am confessing, I may as well continue, by admitting that I purchased a pretty fabric covered journal in which to "chronicle gifts."  I actually chronicled gifts for maybe 2-3 weeks, but then like many things that are healthy for me, I allowed it to become pushed to the side by the urgent stuff of life.

You know what?

Reading these words ("my" words), its no wonder God seemed to keep nudging me to use Ann's book for my online reflections.

Let's consider the upcoming three months...Wee Kirk, Homecoming, Halloween, trip to Wisconsin, Turkey Dinner at church, Thanksgiving, Hanging of the Greens, Seven Birthday Celebrations, Christmas Shopping/Wrapping/Decorating, Christmas Eve Communion, Christmas on Sunday morning, New Years on Sunday morning....... Gosh, do you think I might need help in keeping perspective on what it is I am grateful for in the midst of the upcoming demands on my time?

It is these kinds of non-stop busy times I allow my resident Demon permission to whisper doubts in my ears that I then choose to listen to and believe....and then I'm headed down that track of fear and anxiety full steam. I allow this to happen because I am not taking the time to spend moments within the presence of most important relationship of my life. I'm not taking the time to be deeply human, deeply spiritual, nor deeply and authentically fulfilled.

Lord, I just ask your blessing upon me and upon all those who decide to walk alongside me, reading One Thousand Gifts. By your Spirit, help me to remain present to you as the demands of work and family begin to mount in the days to come. I cannot do this on my own, God, I need you working within me to give me strength to pursue that which I know to be the most important.  I thank you and bless you for all you do for me! AMEN!

A song for me to cling to whenever life seems to be coming at me a bit faster than I like.  "Your love God, is my song and I'll sing it...with your help!  His Eye is on the Sparrow.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Gratitude Shaped Memories

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.  ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Memories. 


The show, Wonder Years, was based on reliving memories, of those things that were loved by a generation.


Memories from the musical CATS is more about recognizing that I can learn from my past and that I can leave the past behind me as a new day has begins.


Memories. 


There are some spiritual teachers who would remind me that I don't live in the past and if I continue looking back, then I will miss what is happening in this moment.  I know this is true and I also know, I'm not there yet on my spiritual walk. : ) I do look back for varying reasons.  


Macrina begins an entry in A Tree Full of Angels on page 117 with an insight from a note written by a friend: "I live a lot on memories....at a distance I think friendships hibernate, I don't think they die." ~ Nicholas


In response, Macrina shares with Nicholas that his letter has given her the opportunity to pray with her own memories. She refers to them as "crumbs" (remember those crumbs from the first chapters?).

"It was nourishment that I would never have dreamed possible. It is such a grace to be able to reflect prayerfully on one's past experiences....It is not easy to be truly present to each life event while it is happening.That's why it is so valuable to go back to the memory when we are a bit wiser and more detached from the event. We can read between the lines and the words of the experience better after we have distanced ourselves from it. We can be more objective and more fair, and even more present....It occurred to me in prayer today what a tremendous gift it is to give myself this special blessing of prayer with my memories. God came today in my mailbox and reminded me that friendships do not die. They simply wait awhile. They quietly remember. In the absence of the beloved they age like good wine." (Macrina Wiederkehr, A Tree Full of Angels, p 117-118)

I so like that Macrina admits to not being fully present "at the time" and it is in hindsight that she sees the blessing of those moments!


Still, while I appreciate her wonderful thoughts about memories, I also appreciate the wisdom of Edward de Bono who said, "A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely happen."


I have to admit to a big smile as I consider de Bono's wisdom.

I love this image! I think I may
use it on my desktop as a reminder.

I have journaled a lot about the practice of gratitude. I have journaled only a little of the questions I hold about discovering/acknowledging gratitude within the darkness...within the messiness of life; because like it or not...life is messy!!! 


I may be a much loved Child of God, but that does not shield me from walking through dark valleys.


I think that by its very nature, life is full of good memories and not so good memories, one right after another, and I am fairly certain I am in the majority as one who is unable to be fully present "in the moment" when and as these memories occur.  For good or for bad, I do look back and I sometimes wonder...

When I was five years old and being thrown thru the windshield of a car, and then all those years of more surgeries, feeling like I was some kind of freak...at the time, I did not "know" God's presence within those moments. If I had thought about God at all, I would have wondered where in the world he was! If I had been old enough and someone would have talked of trusting God? I don't know how receptive I would have been to that message.


Later through the ups and downs of adolescence (with an already bruised ego), I was beginning to have wonderful God experiences, but I was also learning I had to be responsible for keeping myself safe.


I could go on, but as difficult were some of my experiences, I know most of us have walked through those dark valleys at a young age, not understanding and beginning to look for ways to keep our hearts safe. Yet, if I look back on those times, from a place of greater maturity, I could fill a journal with gratitudes I did not know at the time.


Memories.

Without being able to discover the gratitude, when I look back on my life memories I think one of my lessons would be that my hopes don't always add up. With this insight, I believe my question would be: how or why would I ever want to count on the one called, Jesus?

Gratitudes stack up either tall or wide!

As I have thought about this, I have begun to wonder if this is where learning to express gratitude, to watch for grateful moments, and then to record that gratitude...I think this is where it happens.  Because, honestly? I don't think our life hopes add up for most of us.  That is reality.  However, I do believe my/our gratitudes add up one on top of another.  When I watch for and then record my gratitudes I recognize "who" can be counted on thru the messiness of life. When I look back on my memories, like Macrina, I can be more objective and even "more present" and witness the Love that was present in some of my darkest times.


This weekend, memories of my mother-in-law will be shared just as new memories are being created. As we look back, I pray we discover the blessings within those moments, that we most likely missed when they occurred, and to then be grateful.  As we gather, I pray we are aware of the blessings occurring in the moment, because when I live from an attitude of gratefulness, I am beginning to believe that is my first step of  living with less fear....


But, that is fodder for another post. : )


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

This Journey Called Life

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. ~ Stephen Covey

John Michael Talbot's gentle voice and his words so speak to my questioning heart...Father, I Put My Life Into Your Hands....

These days seem to be full of .... so many different emotions, celebrations, uncertainties....

One, my mother-in-law, who lives within a stone's throw, is losing her battle with cancer. She has lived a good life, and she is ready to leave this earth...Yet, those who love, are seldom ready to say good-bye.

At the same time, I am anxiously awaiting the birth of Daughter #3's first child. Talking with her this evening, she has begun to thin, so it will only be a few weeks before we get to meet this new little person.

As we await both the death and the new life of ones we love, life goes on.


Tonight, I listened to the thunder, I watched the dark clouds pass us by, and I said a prayer for much needed rain to come on our acres of corn and beans.

Tonight, Nancy and I baked and cooked in preparation for the celebration of Payton's 5th Birthday!

Tonight, I read an email from my brother talking about the 7 y.o. grandson of a friend who lies in a hospital following a freak accident. He shared that his wife will be moving her mother into a nursing home on Monday. He talked of crops drying up in the field...

Yesterday, Today, and Tonight, I have played and been entertained by Evan, Payton, and Cooper.

Honestly, I don't know what I am to be feeling as I sit within this time...this time of death, celebration, birth....and everything in between.

But, wait. I talk of living from an Attitude of Gratitude...

Lord, I am grateful for the opportunity to be alive with these people at this time, sharing the struggles and the joys.

I am grateful you created me to experience both tears of joy and tears of sorrow! For without them, I would not be fully alive!

I am grateful for the beauty of this earth, because in drought or flood...this earth is magnificent!

I am grateful for the life of Elmerree, for the gift of Payton in my life, and for the wonder of the upcoming birth of a new child, a new beginning...in just a few short weeks!

I am grateful for my family (parents, husband, brothers, daughters, cousins...) and that we are bound together in such a way that we are free to share the grief that rips through our hearts and souls as well as celebrate the joys that bring wonderful laughter.

I am so grateful to be a unique, gifted, and much loved child of God!

As I sit and write, I am reminded of the passage from Romans 8:1-4 that says:

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Hallelujah and Amen!

Thanks for listening. It helps to write, it puts everything in perspective.

God, you are greater and stronger than any of the things we carry or come across on our journey of life! You defeated death, so we need not fear ever being separated from you! As I listen to rolling thunder in the distance, as I listen to news from Washington, as I await a telephone call from Elmerree and from Laura, as I prepare to celebrate Payton's birthday, as I hold my brother and all his concerns in prayer....through your Spirit, may I live in gratitude, knowing you are in control! AMEN.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi