Living Year Moments

The hurry makes us hurt. And maybe it is the hurt that drives us on? For all our frenzied running, seemingly toward something, could it be that we are in fact fleeing - desperate to escape pain that pursues? ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 67

"In the Living Years...."

"The hurry makes us hurt..."

Whatever the pace, time will keep it and there's no outrunning it, only speeding it up and pounding the feet harder; the minutes pound faster too. Race for more and you'll snag on time and leak empty. The longer I keep running, the longer the gash, and I drain, bleed away.

Hurry always empties a soul. 

"Say it clear..."

Wow, if I need a reminder this morning as I hold all that is on my plate, Ann's thoughts and Mike's words nudge and prod me to simply pause.

I'm hosting a "party" at the church this coming Sunday for 20 (+) women.  I'm preparing a Maple Glazed Roasted Turkey and some side dishes along with Candy Cane Punch.  The rest of the meal will be brought in by the participants.  I'm calling it a "Family Favorite Pitch-In".

The three ring notebooks are focused on and the tables will be set in the theme for the afternoon, "Untangling Christmas."  Yesterday I was delighted to discover this little guy at Barnes and Noble for 75% off.  Is he not a great example of how so many of us, well at least "me", feel either during or after the holidays?

"Hurry always empties a soul."

I've been surprised and a bit saddened by the email responses of some of the women who are attending the Untangling Christmas event.  "Sandi, I actually dread this time of year. It drives me crazy to hear 'the reason of the season'! I'm doing my best to just hang on, I can't handle being reminded over and over again I have lost the 'reason of the season.'"

I love my family so very much, yet I can relate to some of the emails I have received.  Like I said, this little guy from Barnes and Noble is a pretty good image for how I feel on Christmas night....if not before.

I hear people wishing for more time, yet it isn't "more" time that I need; I just want "enough" time.

I want time enough to take deep breathes and to really see.

I want time enough to laugh and to play with the Grands...and even my grown kids.

I want time enough to truly give of myself rather than to go through the motions.

I want time enough now...while I'm in the "living years."

One of my favorite gentlemen at BPC, he's a retired school administrator, but he's really a wise and thoughtful storyteller....anyhow, this past Sunday he looked at me and said something like, "Happiness comes from being grateful."

I haven't journaled that I have actually begun recording "Gifts"!  I was thinking last night that it is in these "gifts" I discover God.

36. The yearly call from my mom to say she's found a 20+ pound turkey.  

37. My daughter calling to share a smile received at Starbucks. 

38. The feel of a soft stuffed dog I will share with Grand # 3 this afternoon.

No, I don't need "more" time, I just want time to do these moments; these moments during these "living years"; I just want time to do these moments well.

Some have told me "it's just the way it is" this craziness during these months of October through January.

"It's just the way it is."

No!

There is more to life than this craziness of hurting as I hurry through life!

I want to embrace the challenge by Gandhi, "Be the change you want to see."

39. The branches of the evergreen moving 'with' the wind. 

40. The sunlight filtering through that evergreen and through my blinds to reflect images on my wall.

I don't understand, maybe I don't need to understand, but the simple act of writing and naming these ordinary gifts help me to regain a vision of my center.

It helps me to laugh at this funny little Zombie Buddy as I sit with all that is on my plate.

I think I will keep him on my desk as a constant reminder to be present during these "living year" moments in the days and weeks to come.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

One by one...

Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.   ~ Johnson Oatman, Jr.

This hymn was originally published in 1897.  Ummmm, tells me this message, this journey of eucharisteo is not a new journey.

Yesterday we had a service of hymns that began with "Great is Thy Faithfulness".  Hymns of gratitude and thanksgiving followed until we transitioned from gratitude into stewardship with the old hymn, "We Give Thee But Thy Own".

Preparing this service I was surprised to discover that many of the familiar hymns of thanksgiving were written by individuals who had lived through or were experiencing great hardship.  In the darkness, thanksgiving rose up in their hearts and wonderful hymns were written that have been sung by generations.

Last week, with the Wednesday Lunch Bunch, we studied the Ten Commandments.  I asked the group what "gods" they put before God.  The responses were varied and honest.

My family.  My church.  My responsibilities with a local NPO.  ..... One woman finally said, "My time."

The title of chapter 4 in Ann's book is The Sanctuary of Time.  Ann asks:

I see my reflection, those seeking eyes. You're the one in the dire need of time, that thing we can't buy, what we sell of ourselves to get more of what we think we want, what we sacrifice to seemingly gain. They say time is money, but that's not true. Time is life. And if I want the fullest life, I need to find fullest time...the busyness of your [Ann speaking to herself] life leaving little room for the source of your life....God gives us time. And who has time for God?

There is a story of a pastor who was asked what was his most profound regret in life.  Thinking of all the cemeteries he has visited, he replied: Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing of front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing... Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away.


Yesterday the keyboard player s-l-o-w-e-d the last phrase of "Count them one by one..." each time we came to the end of the verse.  We hadn't talked about it ahead of time, as far as I know, she doesn't read my blog...but as I sang slowly that line again and again, I thought how she was tapping into my own journey of recording eucharisteo.

Name them...one by one.

In order to do that, I HAVE to pause and make time, I have to pause in the sanctuary of His time.

It is different naming God's blessings one by one, than simply lumping them into one big thank you and hurrying out the door.

I scrub the bowl hard, try to scrape away the regrets of my life lived amateur. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 66)

Time.

Would you believe I have worked on this post for nearly 4 hours!

Time.

I have had interruption after interruption.

Life has been happening and once again, my time has been placed before time spent with God.

Sitting here I hold not only my own stories and thoughts, but the stories of those who have "interrupted".  But....as I hold their stories, am I holding God's stories?

The stories I am holding this morning all deal with individuals living with and within HARD eucharisteo moments.  Maybe, my challenge isn't so much to complete a journal posting with some profound and/or provocative thought to consider, as much as it is to prayerfully and intentionally be present with Christ as he is present within these circumstances.

The SANCTUARY of TIME.

This morning, I am desperately in need of sanctuary.

If I am to be present to God within the stories of all my interruptions, I first must simply be still and rest in His sanctuary of time....if counting my blessings one by one helps me to pause so that I am keeping the first commandment of not having any gods be God... then maybe I can better trust Him to be in all these hard eucharisteo moments others are carrying.


Counting blessings one by one....

Sanctuary of time.....

Raising words of thanksgiving and praise within hard eucharisteo moments.....within the harder stories of life....

Hymns. Praise Songs. Scripture. One Another....  Words that point to One.

There is another story/saying that the Universe is actually made up of stories rather than atoms. This morning....as I am going to pause and rest in the sanctuary of His time, I am going to consider this truth as well as some of the words that came from life stories of the men and women who penned the words of gratitude and praise that became familiar hymns of thanksgiving.

Many Blessings  ~ Sandi

Week V - Day 5 - Pouring from the Cup

Whirling Dervishes of Sufism

I enjoy how Joyce pulls spiritual references from teachers of other faiths.  It is a reminder how connected and how similar we are in so many ways.  Today, she once again goes to Rumi, the 13th century Muslim poet who founded   the Mevlevi Order of dervishes, better known as the Whirling Dervishes of Sufism. Through a turning movement, body posturing, mental focus, and sound, the dervish achieves ecstasy through union with God.

Rumi, a man with a fascinating story said, "Anyone who gives anything to the Divine will find that it comes to them turned to gold."

Again, Joyce speaks to my heart...as though she has been watching me.

"MY carefully crafted timetable."

"Our lives are such that our deepest compassion and generosity often get masked by our frustration with schedules, calendars, and clocks...I find myself becoming closed and selfish.  Sometimes it takes a challenging or humbling moment to shake loose my tenacious hold on trying to get everything done on my carefully crafted timetable." (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 123)

I was so touched by Joyce's story of receiving a tape from a blind woman. Seems after returning home from a three week absence, Joyce was overwhelmed by the amount of mail waiting for her attention.

Glad I've never had
grumbling moments!! 

"I moaned and groaned, thinking of all the time it would take me to open, process, and respond...in the pile...was an envelope with a cassette tape in it...I grouched and grumbled to myself for a day and then decided that I had better find out what was on that tape. I discovered it had been sent by a blind woman. It contained one of the most beautiful letters I have ever received. I was deeply humbled and very regretful of my initial response...I was only willing to pour out a thimblefull of my time and attention for someone else while God was offering me a bushel-basket of golden insights and reflections." (Rupp, p 124)

We are encouraged throughout scripture to be generous and loving.  We are assured that we can live from an attitude of abundance rather than the fear of scarcity. Jesus told his followers that if they were generous in their giving that the same measure of generosity would be returned.

"Their giving would be turned to gold. Compassion is like that. When we let compassion pour forth generously from us instead of holding back with meager giving, it can be a powerful experience. We often receive more than we give." (Ibid)

Today's reading follows a wonderful Maundy Thursday service last evening where I was once again reminded of Jesus' compassion and generosity.  Joyce asks that today, I reflect on my generosity AND on God's. Have I, she asks, had any life experiences when I hesitated or resisted giving and then, later realized how much I had received in return?

Breathprayer:
Breathing in:  I give to you...
Breathing out: ...You give to me

Giving - Receiving - Giving - Receiving

Reflection:
Hold the cup in your hands.
Look and see all the space it has for filling.
Visualize God pouring love into your heart.
Picture your heart filled with this love.
Bring to mind someone who is suffering.
Let the love within you go out to this person.
Picture your love poured out profusely, filling this person's whole being.
Sit in silence and be at peace.


Scripture: Luke 6:37-38
    ³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."


Journaling:
When someone is compassionate toward me, I...
God turned my giving into gold when...
One of the situations in my life where I tend to hold back and not offer compassion is... because...


With last evening's service still on my heart, with the thoughts of several I hold within my prayer journal, as I walk into this Good Friday, a song by Third Day comes to mind, which I think I've used before, but it is one of my favorites...Cry Out to Jesus - Third Day

When someone is compassionate toward me, I...it depends upon who is compassionate to me. I have sat here for several minutes, watching the images on the Third Day video...and the truth is that I have a different inner response depending on who I see offering me compassion.  This little ah-ha has surprised me and I am not sure what to do with it.  I am feeling that this insight is not the answer Joyce would have been looking for...and while I am "feeling that thought"...I recognize the demon of expectations and/or judgement tempting my trembling heart away from healing, growing, wholeness.


The demons in scripture and in movies are often portrayed as noisy, ugly, and obvious.  My demons are much more subtle and cagey.  They sneak up on me, sometimes without my noticing. Nudging me away from a new insight or nudging to not investigate that opening in my heart Light is shining through.

Cry Out To Jesus - Third Day

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keepin' you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing
And there is no one who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus - Cry out to Jesus



I am on my fifth week of this reading and journaling...Lent is nearly over.  On this Good Friday morning the insights, the writing, the images, the songs...I remember:

• How interconnected we ALL are! I am as connected to a beggar on the streets as I am to an individual at my church as I am connected to someone who lives a lavish lifestyle.  I am connected to a stranger just as I connected to someone I know.  That when ANY of these people show me compassion, it is Jesus working through them to "meet me wherever I am."
• Barbara Streisand  sings There Are Lessons To Be Learned. "We start to doubt..."
• That I am not in control. 
• That Jesus provides lessons and gifts through the voice and hands of others...not just me....but others!
• That compassion runs both directions.  A Gift is to be GIVEN and RECEIVED.

When someone is compassionate toward me, I... I can look into the face of the one offering me compassion and see the face of Christ...and be glad!!! I can receive the gift of compassion with the same generous heart in which it was given.  Just as I can receive the gift of compassion that Jesus offers on this Good Friday...I can receive it in praise and in the love in which it was so generously offered rather than feeling guilty, rather than demanding why, rather than trying to give a logical explanation...I can receive this gift and I can can receive future gifts of compassion ...and see the face of Christ and be glad! Praise God!

I can see Christ in the homeless man
who offered to pray for me.

I can see Christ in the
woman in the checkout line.

With this insight, I can appreciate that there have been times when God turned my giving into gold when... when someone I was to be giving to, ended up blessing me.  Or someone who was younger, someone who was struggling, someone I didn't know...or someone I am not comfortable with...have given to me.  I let those sneaky demons enter my heart, creating a feeling of guilt, suspicion, anxiety...and I missed the gold that was mine for the taking.

I can receive Christ in the
smallest, not realizing they
have a GIFT to give me.

O, my Lord! Open me today to receive as well as give from your heart of generous compassion.  Help me to see your face, where I least expect...and to be thankful for that moment...for that opportunity to give to you AND to receive.  Yes, in today's world, sadly we do have to be cautious.  Yet, you told your disciples, ¹⁶ “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." (Matthew 10:16) 

I can see Christ in the woman with
cancer and RECEIVE a gift from her.

Perhaps our fears are nothing new...they have been around for centuries, just with different faces and called different names.

Some of my fears stem from the demons that demand I feed my EGO.  That EGO that wants to appear to be smart, in charge, sure of self, the "go to person".... Some of my fears stem from thinking I am not doing what I should for someone...they are the needy one!  Again, that EGO demon subtly working on my heart...preventing the light of Christ to shine forth as it can when "I" get out of his way.

So many lessons yet to be learned...yet as Barbara sang, there is no right/wrong...just lessons to be learned. 

Prayer:

O God, you turn my meager offerings into golden treasures. Let me not be hesitant when you ask for my love in the form of compassion. You are so abundant in your compassion to me. May I be as generous with others. May the measure of compassion I give be the measure of compassion returned to me. AMEN.

Today:

I will pour generously from my cup of love and kindness today.

Many images to carry in my heart today.  A few more...Give Me Jesus

Many Blessings ~ Sandi