Feasting With the Trees

For in the true nature of things, if we rightly consider, every green tree is far more glorious than if it were made of gold and silver. ~ Martin Luther


I Will Delight by Fernando Ortega


I will delight in the law of the Lord
I will meditate day and night
Then like a tree firmly planted
I will be grounded in your word...


I have been dragging my feet to finish Macrina's book, A Tree Full of Angels because....I don't have a book to blog with!!!  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Today, I decided to share Macrina's thoughts from page 152 of her book.  This journal entry is entitled: The harvest of beauty; feasting with the trees.


I love trees.  Earlier this year I posted a picture of a hard maple that has stood outside my kitchen window long before it was my kitchen window. She's aged and not in good health.  I am thankful for each season of her life. Thus, Macrina's thoughts on trees and community resonated with me. She writes:

"A community of empty trees sways outside my window, dancing in the early morning light. Revering them with awe during my morning coffee, I ponder. 

How many rays of sunlight have slipped through your wooden fingers, delighting me with golden steams of warmth and awakening me to the new day? How many parties have you hosted for the squirrels  watching their restless litte bodies leaping through your limbs - catching them, holding them, and being their support? How often have you welcomed home the birds nesting in your branches, lending them your slender arms, listening to their song, singing with them as you sway?"

I smiled, reading Macrina's reflection and I thought how a community of trees does not judge or create boundaries, limiting who comes into their sanctuary. I thought how they not only welcome new life into their midst, but as Macrina notes...they join in with them as they sing and praise and play.

Some days I think the church could learn a lot from observing trees and then reflecting on how they could model similar behavior.

"Your green leaves have long ago waved a fond good-bye, retuning to the earth to nourish you still more. Yet even in your barrenness, how beautiful you stand! You've held your share of beauty every season, and now with winter's icy breath almost upon you, you seem content. Content as when you wore your coat of green! Content as when you wore your bright and fiery robes! You stand unfretting and untroubled, a community of trees."

This morning, one of my Facebook friends asked, What makes you happy? I read through the comments and thought for a moment then wrote, A quiet day with no agenda.


Now, it is me who can glean a lesson from the trees! Macrina offers me such a wonderful image of grace, of resting as she considers a barren tree.

I've not viewed a barren tree through such a lens.  I absolutely hate the cold and barrenness of winter! I detest ice!!! I'm not crazy about snow when there is more than 2 inches. In other words, I become a Winter Grump.  I have to work hard to keep smiling behind my grumpiness.

I'm already experiencing a sadness as I watch leaves beginning to fall.  I wonder if it is possible for me to view the upcoming barrenness as my "quiet day with no agenda"?

I wonder if it is possible for me to view the upcoming barrenness with a sense of joining in some needed rest?

"A community of trees! A contemplative community, making holy space and time. I want to be, like you...I yearn, like you, to embrace all the colors of my life. I yearn to be the great adorer that you are. To bend and bow and sway! To stand in beauty through all the seasons of my heart!"

Wow...this is an image for me to hold as I consider my beloved and aging hard maple.  At this point in my life, honestly I can identify more with that maple than I can the trees I have set out since living here.  Most are 30 years old, young and spry in tree years! Yet, in their midst stands my favorite tree, an aging hard maple.

It isn't just me, there are many within my community of faith who struggle seeing the "golden" within their Golden Years.  It is easy to focus on aches and pains... to focus on those things that I/we can no longer do easily...if at all.

Macrina has offered me grace moments to simply sit within the sunlight of God's world this morning, acknowledging that I am a part of his creation. He has blessed me with a brain to think and to observe, and reflect.....

Sarah Young's devotion in Jesus Calling asked me to:

"Relate to Me as creature to Creator, sheep to Shepherd, subject to King, clay to Potter. Allow Me to have My way in your life. Rather than evaluating My ways with you, accept them thankfully. The intimacy I offer you is not an invitation to act as if you were My equal. Worship Me as King of kings while walking hand in hand with Me down the path of Life."

Okay, Lord, I get the message. Help me to let go of my judgements I make regarding my life and the life of others. By the power of your Spirit, help me to avoid words like "bad", "good", "sad"... and simply be present within your grace. A friend shared with me the other day how an individual she know's responds "I am blessed" when ever he is asked "how are you..."


Gosh, God! How might that begin changing my lens as I view myself, others .... the world? How might that help me to sway, bow, bend like the trees. How might that help me breath...making holy space and time, just as my...as your...hard maple outside my kitchen window makes holy space and time?


I am blessed!


Almighty and powerful Spirit! Transform me, help me to model the grace and the wisdom of the trees outside my window. Work within me, open my heart so that I might respond, "I am blessed!" and live into that reality! AMEN!


Who Am I by Casting Crowns.


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Once again...Respect

"I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me...All I ask is that you respect me as a human being." ~ Jackie Robinson

I've received a few emails asking me for clarification on "MY" theology. 


Let me say again, this is my theology and I have come to this by much prayer, reflecting with others, prayer, reading scripture, prayer...

In my last post I said that on any given Sunday the good seed and the bad seed will be sitting side by side.  I referred to the parables of the weeds being allowed to grow in the field and the bad fish being brought in along with the good fish....that at the end, God will sift and sort. 


Am I a "good seed"?


Absolutely! However!!! I am a good seed strictly on the bases of grace. I am not a "good seed" because of the color of my skin, my sexual preference, where I live, how much I have given to the church...


I believe I cannot "earn" the gift of being a "good seed", it is impossible! That is why Jesus came! If I could earn salvation, I would have no need for a Savior!


I have been blessed to have been born in the U.S. to wonderful parents. In some ways, I have been blessed to have been born as a Caucasian.  NOT because the color of my skin makes me better or more acceptable, but because I have not had to struggle agains prejudice and bias simply because my skin is the "wrong color."

In the fun video of A Place in the Choir by Makem and Clancy did you notice the skunk and the opossums? I don't know about you, but I normally will go out of my way to avoid either of these animals! The skunk, I am afraid of the smell, and the opossums? They simply give me the creeps!


Sadly, there are people walking on this earth that have experienced reactions by other people that are similar to my reaction to a skunk and opossum AND it is these people I expect to discover I will be sitting side by side with when I get to heaven! People who have been labeled as "bad seed" by some on earth who assumed they were "good seed" because they believe and do every thing "right."

Again, another parable...Luke 16:19-31.


As a child I read this literally, thinking in terms of the rich and the poor. As an adult who has done much searching of my heart, I recognize there are many ways to be rich, other than just material wealth just as there are many ways to be poor.


Jesus turned human kind's definition of poor, hungry, oppressed upside down in Luke 6:20-26 !


Jackie Robinson's statement, I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me...All I as is that you respect me as a human being says it all for me.

Yes, there are people I am simply not going to like on this earth, but, as a Child of God, that means I do not disrespect them or speak negatively about them!  For me, this includes those of different faiths, political standings, nationality.... Everyone on this earth has been created by God, just as I have been created and in my heart, I believe that all God's created Have a Place in the Choir!

As a "good seed" that has been saved by grace, I am called to respect these people because I am only a good seed because of Christ, I cannot pretend to know the heart and mind of God.  My heart and my mind are much to small to comprehend that of God's. God is bigger, broader, deeper...than my limited self can appreciate.

So, I will do my best to live from a place of non-judgment, respecting those I may not like and those I may not agree with, even those who don't seem to carry the same sense of values I carry. As a Child of God I believe I am called to respect ALL of God's creation AND leave it up to God to decide who will be sifted out when the harvest is collected.

This is where "I" stand and although I may not agree with you, I will do my best to respect you. AND PLEASE...this blog is simply my journal of my thoughts, it is not a place I will argue with another.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

To Have Opinions AND Respect the Opinions of Others

One lesson we learn early, that in spite of seeming difference, men are all of one pattern. We readily assume this with our mates, and are disappointed and angry if we find that we are premature, and that their watches are slower than ours. In fact, the only sin which we never forgive in each other is difference of opinion. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sandi, how is work going?

I am supposed to be on vacation this week, but the trip I was to go on was cancelled, so I have been doing some work on upcoming Parlor Conversations, a special worship service,  checking in with some folks who are ill...  

But, how is it going? How do you feel about your work?

Well, sometimes there are wonderful moments and sometimes I feel as though I am banging my head against the wall.

Banging your head? Isn't it pretty much expected that your congregation think like you? How can you possibly change how you think?

Absolutely not! They, the congregation, couldn't think like me any more than I could think like them. In fact, the congregation doesn't think or believe the same.

But, how does that work?

I'm not sure what you are asking, but, I don't paste political stickers on my car nor do I talk about how I vote.  In fact, I don't even have Purdue stickers on my car, even though the congregation mostly knows I am an avid Boiler.

I have spent time learning about myself. For instance, I am a high innovator and an extreme Feeler (MBTI). Even though I will never be able to speak or think adaptively or as a Thinker, I know I have to work as hard as I possibly can to reach toward center or I will alienate people.  I cannot please everyone, but when I have been created as I am, I have to work hard not to be viewed as a crazy, radical, and touchy feely woman.

Sandi, why can't we allow one another to be different? To have different thoughts, opinions, ways of working, and beliefs?  I cannot be who I truly am, except when I am with a few close friends for fear of driving away business. I believe... My husband, is much more outspoken than I and I am constantly reminding him that I have to make my living in this community! And the church! I haven't been to church for a long time. I believe in Jesus, I consider myself to be a Christian, but not a "Church Christian." I don't want to be a part of a group of people who are so quick to judge another's behavior, yet behave in ways that can shock even me, and I am very open!

I was not only caught off guard, I was shocked. You see, I was sitting in my doctor's office when this conversation took place, and by office, I don't mean the waiting room.

But, then my doctor turned the light on, stood up and said, "I wish we could continue talking, but I've got to get back to work. It was nice to talk to a pastor who isn't ready to tell me how wrong I am to think and believe as I do."

Just as I seldom talk to my congregants about what I believe to be true regarding "hot issues" I have never expected my doctor to speak to me about some of her own personal struggles. Yet, a few days ago I was wishing for someone I could share some of my heart's burdens, why then should my doctor be any different? 

If this video is any indication, others are struggling with similar questions.

A few weeks ago I preached on several parables from Matthew. One was the parable of the weeds growing among the good seed (Matthew 13:24-30). Another was of the nets being full of both good fish and bad. (Matthew 13:47-49) Now, I do not pretend to be a theologian. I don't even pretend to be a Biblical scholar! Still, in my understanding these passages ask me to consider that God will do the sifting of the good from the bad, not me or any other human being.

I read these passages to say there are, and will continue to be, both good and bad sitting side by side any given Sunday morning, AND that is OKAY! It is okay because scripture tells us that God will take care of it in the end.

I did not know how to respond to my doctor any better than I know how to respond to others who ask similar questions. Thing is, those who ask me these questions are normally not those within the church who live and worship with an attitude of black and white.

I admit to being a bit unconventional as a pastor. Every week, instead of a scriptural type blessing I offer:

The Living Christ asks you to take him with you from this place as you go "out there".  And as you live and work he encourages you to laugh and to love, and then to laugh some more! 

To listen and to learn. 

To have opinions and respect the opinions of others. 

To do simple things like saying, "Please and Thank You." 

To be honest. 

To be a friend. 

But, most importantly, to be the unique and gifted child you were each created to be!

Besides these two parables, I cannot forget Jesus' teaching regarding judgement, Matthew 7:1-5.

I just began to write, "I am sorry, I cannot..." but then I stopped myself. I am not sorry that I believe I cannot know what God will judge as being good seed and weeds because I should not be expected to know!

My hope is that one will deal with his/her log before pointing out the specks in my eye, it also means I do not point out the specks in their eye if they "know" and choose to live in a black/white world. I may at times feel frustrated, just as I frustrate them. Yet, I know in my heart God asks me and them to "listen and to learn, to have opinions AND respect the opinions of others..."

Until we can listen to one another, and truly listen...this world will continue to be a place of unrest. If the church cannot even model Jesus' teachings, then why are we shocked and angered that our nation, the world cannot listen?

We cannot change the world, but we can each change ourselves and that is a beginning. So, to my doctor I would say, I do not know why some seem to be judgmental, but I know I am called to love them, to respect them, and to listen...even if they criticize me, do not seem to respect me, or if they do not listen. I cannot change them, I can only change myself and to the best of my ability, I will "laugh, love, and love some more, listen and learn, have opinions and respect the opinions of others, say please/thank-you, be honest, be a friend, and be the unique and gifted [and greatly loved] child God created me to be"!!! Hallelujah and Amen!

No Stones To Throw - Mike Banta

Lord, I have journaled about judgement before, and sadly, I will most likely journal about it again someday. I admit, to not knowing who might be good seed and who might be considered weeds. I have often thought that I will be very surprised by who I meet once I get to heaven. Lord, help me...help me know how to respond to those who are angry with the church, the denomination, our nation... It is difficult for me to say, "Hey, deal with the log in your own eye before pointing out the specks in others!"Lord, please, heal my heart and the hearts of all those who believe in you, whatever path they may be walking. I so believe that if your people pray, you will hear our prayers and heal our land. AMEN.


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Unspoken Truth is Spoken Everywhere

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.  ~Author unknown, variation of an excerpt from "The Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Neibuhr

What if I had done more than go through the motions?


What if I had confronted another when I knew their path was wrong?


Oh, wait..."I" knew their path was "wrong"... 


Everything in life holds both a blessing and a curse.  When we label or judge something to be either good or bad, we deny this reality. One of my favorite Zen stories illustrates this lesson better than I could ever hope to explain:
A farmer had a horse but one day, the horse ran
away and so the farmer and his son had to plow 
their fields themselves. Their neighbors said, "Oh,
what bad luck that your horse ran away!" But the
farmer replied, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"


The next week, the horse returned to the farm
bringing a herd of wild horses with him. "What
wonderful luck! cried the neighbors, but the farmer
responded, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"


Then the farmer's son was thrown as he tried to
ride one of the wild horses, and he broke his
leg. "Ah, such bad luck," sympathized the neighbors.
Once again, the farmer responded, "Bad luck, good
luck, who knows?"


A short time later, the ruler of the country
recruited all young men to join his army for battle.
The son, with his broken leg, was left at home.
"What good luck that your son was not forced into
battle!" celebrated the neighbors. And the farmer
remarked, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"


"Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken."


This ZEN story came to mind this morning after opening my NIV Bible, looking for direction on how to manage mounting stories regarding someone for whom I care. I drifted through pages until Psalm 19:1-4 seemed to pull out to my fingers:

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;
   the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
   night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
   no sound is heard from them.
⁴ Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
   their words to the ends of the world. 

This morning I was wrestling with the questions of do I confront?  Do I stay quiet? And then I found Psalm 19.

Using the discipline of Lectio Divina, I began reading, and as you can see, I did not get far! "...no words." and "...no sound." then "... their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world."

It is my inner Demon who screams
at me to react and to worry.

Sitting with these words, the Zen story of judging something as being good or bad came to mind.

"But!" my mind screamed, "What is happening is wrong! It will cause so much hurt!"

My "reaction" is to confront, yet I hear another voice whispering through the clamor... "San, how do you know whether this is good or bad?"

"Of course it is bad! How could it not be bad?"


"San, how do you know?"

Yesterday I preached on Genesis 28:10-19, Jacob's Dream. One thing that struck me as I sat with this familiar story was that Jacob never got on the stairs. It was the angels going back and forth...to and fro from the earth.  God was there...overseeing everything while Jacob slept.

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

Last evening, expressing my concern with a good friend, he challenged me with the truth from Matthew 7:1-5.  I didn't want to hear it because "I" know what is right and what is wrong!


This morning, I discover the lesson from Psalm 19 for me to consider. Eugene Peterson paraphrases Psalm 19:2 saying:

Madame Day holds classes every morning, Professor Night lectures each evening.

After a night's rest...  After sitting in the quiet of a new day... After sitting with a few words of scripture that reached out and touched my heart...  After sitting with other truths that came as I was still...  I came to realize that what I can offer is peace and I cannot offer peace into this struggle, until I know peace within myself.  As the same friend reminded me months ago when I was struggling with my dying uncle...wanting to offer him peace...

  "San, you cannot offer something you don't have."

I am much healthier emotionally and spiritually than I was a few years ago, yet, I still at times "jump", wanting to fix something or someone, when the only person I can "fix" is myself.

Sitting here this morning with these verses of scripture from Psalm 19, I realize the best gifts I can offer this situation are:
1. Resist labeling it as being either good or bad.
2. Focus on the "log in my eye"...focus on myself, the only person I have the power to change.
3. Remember Jacob, sleeping as God and his angels worked within and among the happenings on this earth.
4. With these thoughts, trust God to be within and among those I love and in trusting Him...to know peace within myself and to offer that peace to the world.

Let There Be Peace on  Earth - the Indianapolis Children's Choir

Lord, I do want to do more than just going through the motions of acting like a Child of God! Spirit, help me to trust you and in that place of trust, trusting you to be at work within the lives and relationships of those I love! Lord, again, help me to move from going through the motions to taking each moment, to living each moment in peace and then, Lord, by your grace and power, may I offer that peace to the world...AMEN.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Making a Judgement

Charlotte Bronte
1816-1855

Men judge us by the success of our efforts. God looks at the efforts themselves. ~ Charlotte Bronte

Sadly, I am at times too quick to pass a judgement on someone or something.

"He's most likely running a scam, I've seen people like him on the news. If I give him money, he'll probably head to the nearest liquor store."


"How could she let her child come to school looking like that! He's probably not had a bath all week."


Fictitious, but you get the idea...

One of my favorite stories from scripture comes from both Matthew and John...

John 8 : ^1-2 Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them. ^3-6The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?" They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.

 ^6-8Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.

 ^9-10Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?"

 ¹¹"No one, Master."

   "Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don't sin."

Like I just admitted, I can be a judgmental person. Case in point...The group Mettalica? I don't think I've ever thought a kind word about this group. They are "HEAVY METAL"! I won't get into the negative thoughts that have gone through my head! But, reading with a heart ready to hear something new, I just discovered this group may have been used by God to reach an audience that would not be interested in hearing me talk. It is difficult to consider Metallica has been preaching "truth" to a group of people...who hear truth in a different way than I! Listen and Read...

NO MORE!!!

The crap rolls out your mouth again
Haven't changed, your brain is still gelatin
Little whispers circle around your head
Why don't you worry about yourself INSTEAD!!!

Who are you? where ya been? where ya from?
Gossip burning on the tip of your tongue
You lie so much you believe yourself
Judge not l'est ye be judged yourself

Holier than thou
You are
Holier than thou
You are

You know not

Before you judge me take a look at you
Can't you find something better to do
Point the finger, slow to understand
Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand

It's not you are it's who you know
Others lives are the basis of your own
Burn your bridges and build them back with wealth
Judge not l'est ye be judged yourself

Holier than thou
You are
Holier than thou
You are

You know not

Yeah who the hell are you?
Hey you

Holier than thou
You are
Holier than thou
You are

You know not

NOT!!!

This is a huge lesson for me! Seriously, this song, if you want to call it that, contains truth.  Over and again I have said, "God uses all kind of media to get his message across."  I will admit, I never thought of God using Metallica. Yet, who am I to say he could not, if he so chose?

I wonder if the notion of God using Metallica is as difficult for me to swallow as Jesus not throwing a stone at the prostitute was for those who worked to "keep the Law"?

Another question of judgement to ponder...Do you know what this flower comes from? 

I will give you a hint...It has a wonderful fragrance!

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Frail and Glorious - III

One of my favorite authors,
Victor Hugo 1802-1885

"Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings." ~ Victor Hugo

This morning I am thinking how I fascinated I am with the image of being "Frail" AND "Glorious." The cherry blossoms, a bird...each with a purpose even though both are small and frail.  Both are also glorious in their beauty and in the case of the robin, the song she sings. The blossom, the fruit it produces.  

Being small and frail, the cherry
blossom is glorious in the sunlight.

If this is true of a cherry blossom and a small bird, then how much more so for me?

When I read this chapter, Frail and Glorious a few weeks ago, I mentally cheered. Macrina did such a good job articulating some of the things that have troubled me regarding the Church.  I also felt a slight slap on my wrist because I recognized I had begun to focus more on my "sinfulness" rather than my "gloriousness" and that has been reflected in the prayers of confession I have written, the devotions I have prepared, and the sermons I have preached. 

Do we come to God because
we are afraid not to? Is this "love"?

Where is the "hope" within such judgement?

Macrina shares her breaking point came during the reading of the Evening Office [basically the same as devotions]. 

A tabernacle of the Devil!?

"I was suddenly jolted by a startling heresy. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. The reading was suggesting that a child, before baptism, was a tabernacle of the Devil...how have we gotten things so backward? My anger turned into a holy sadness as this poem unfolded in my heart." (Macrina Wiederkehr, A Tree Full of Angels, p. 16)

Yes, my grandchild that is due in August, will be born into a sinful world, yet, that child will not be a tabernacle for the Devil.  Macrina is right, how did we get our thinking so backward?  When did we become so focused on the "Law" that we lost the potential of each being?  When did we become so focused on the Law that we lost sight of the Power of God's Love?

"Rather, I choose to see us as God beholds us: blessed, good, holy, noble, full of potential and exciting possibility - saints!" (Ibid) 

Wow...thinking of myself as "Frail" and as "Saintly"!

That might be a stretch, even for me! : )

Yet, how would I live differently if I did view myself as at least "Glorious" if not "Saintly"?

"We have gotten so exclusively hung up on a Fall and Redemption theology that we tend to become obsessed with thoughts of our leanings toward evil...I am disheartened that we keep placing our original union with God and our infinite possibility for holiness in the background. I have come to believe that we fear our virtues farm more than our sinfulness...It is certainly time to call back home the scattered powers of our baptism." (Wiederkehr, p 16-17)

New Age encompasseses
a lot of "out there" 

This past week, while preparing my sermon, I came across a pastor who referred to the thinking of "God within us" as "New Age" theology.  I wanted to object! Have you looked at the New Age section at a bookstore?  It includes God/Goddesses, Witchcraft... I applauded this morning reading Macrina's reflection that she holds as "truth" and not "heresy"...the core of God within us.

After talking about conversion being like fast food, or as Bonhoeffer says, "Cheap Grace" Macrina has a statement I have underlined and highlighted.

Paul was still in the process of conversion,
that is a new insight for me to hold...

"...conversion is ongoing. Conversion is a process in which we are given opportunity upon opportunity to accept the free gift of salvation. Salvation is a free gift, yes, but it's costly. It's "costly grace." It cost us our lives lived passionately...Saul knocked down...was not conversion...conversion came as he groped his way in blindness to Ananias...He was still in the process of conversion when he was on his way to Rome in chains." (Ibid)

On page 18, Macrina continues:
"Conversion is what happens between birth and death...a deep and lasting conversion is a process, an unfolding, a slow turning and turning again."


Coincidence?

Coincidence that just yesterday I was holding both birth and death, and pondering the two together or is it one of those God Wink moments?

Honestly, I don't know, but if I lean toward a God Wink, what else might I be opened to seeing or discovering?

I have shared I am a blue-blooded Presby.  I was born and raised in a rural congregation so my "experiences" were limited.  When I went to Purdue I was ripe for some of the more evangelical Christian students.  I will never forget being asked, "Are you saved? Have you been born again?"

My response was something like, "I believe in God and in Jesus. I go to church and I read scripture. I have placed my faith and trust in God, but I can't say I know what God will do."

Oh my..."Sandi, if you step out in the street right this moment and are killed, you are going to hell! Let us help you! Let us save you!"

I was scared to death.  I was scared of their pronouncement, but within a few days, I was just as scared of them.  My roommate found me cowing in a small closet one evening in an attempt to avoid salvation.

I ended up calling home and talking to my Dad for a long time.  I don't remember how I finally escaped the clutches of these individuals, but all these years later, I remember the fear.  Again, if I come to God because I am scared not to come, is that really love?  Is that salvation?

The frailty and the glory of the cross.

"We are saved every day.  We are saved from our self-righteousness, our narrow minds, our own wills, our obstinate changing. We are saved from our blindness. Salvation stands before us at  every moment. It meets us face to face. It asks us to make a choice. Do we have the courage to accept it? ...The dust of our Lenten ashes turns before our very eyes into Easter glory. Our frailty fades into splendor. Our life given becomes life received and renewed." (Wiederkehr, p 18)

In the Church we often speak of "being called" to a particular place or ministry, yet, the most exciting of all calls is to be like God.  To be transformed by the Presence of the Living Christ within me.  Our baptism calls us to be like God in Christ.

"It is time, then, for us to embrace this frail flesh of ours with love. If we want to be disciples and saints, we must claim and cherish our humanness. What was good enough for God to embrace must be good enough for us. Let us try to take seriously the call to divinized and stop hiding behind the mask of our frailty...The ache for God lives on in our depths. It gnaws at us and cries out to be named." (Wiederkehr, p 19)

Wow.  Those two statements hit me right between the eyes!

Macrina next reflects on moments when she has been blessed by the awareness of both her frailty and gloriousness.  Before I go "there", I want to sit "here" for a bit longer.  Reflecting and pondering on what I have written this morning.

 You alone are my heart's desire....

As I think more about being frail and glorious, one of my favorite Psalms comes to mind...Psalm 42. I am growing into being able to say that God alone is my heart's desire, knowing that all the other people I love will be there as well when I put God first.  As the Deer


Many Blessings ~ Sandi