I'm not in control....

(I don't have the exact quote...) I am peaceful, I am happy because I am no longer in control. ~ Bernie Madoff to Barbara Walters regarding his life in prison.

I do my best to move from my Bible and laptop to doing stretches during the first few minutes of Good Morning America so I at least have some idea what is happening in the world.  This morning the focus was on Bernie and Ruth Madoff.

I wasn't particularly interested but then I heard Barbara Walters quote Madoff, saying something close to what I began this post..."I'm happy...because I am no longer in control."

I have been using the question, "God, what is your will for my life?" as a focus for a sermon series.  It has seemed like I am continually hearing messages from the Universe that nudge me as I have held this question of "God....?"

This morning, Sarah Young wrote in her devotional Jesus Calling:

As you become increasingly aware of My Presence, you find it easier to discern the way you should go. This is one of the practical benefits of living close to Me. Instead of wondering about what is on the road ahead or worrying about what you should do if...or when...you can concentrate on staying in communication with Me. When you actually arrive at a choice-point, I will show you which direction to go. 

Many people are so preoccupied with future plans and decisions that they fail to see choices they need to make today...people who live this way find a dullness creeping into their lives. They sleepwalk through their days, following well-worn paths of routine.

I have paused with Madoff's thought, Sarah Youngs, Ann Voskamp, insights from my sermon series and study of Job...  As I LEARN the deep language of eucharisteo, I also learn trust.  I learn to "wake up" to what is around me....to God's continual presence within my day.  As I wake-up and I learn to trust...I learn to let go of my illusion of control.  There are different kinds of prisons.  My sleep walking through life is a prison of sorts...in this prison I do not know the fullness of life that God wants for me....

Mr. Klumpenhower slides the mail into the clunky mailbox at the end of the lane...I stand at the window and I hold pen. I write it down in my journal: 

22. Mail in the mailbox 

And when my grandma's bona fide wood handled pressure cooker...full of potatoes...I hold the pen and I write it clear: 

23. Grandma;s pressure pot still dancing 

And when...I look over and see an old man all white-whiskered and bent, looking for the just-right card in the Hallmark aisle, I grab the journal from my bag and I write it wobbly: 

24. Old men looking for words just perfect  (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 48)

Ann shares she is beginning to grasp the why of how noticing these simple blessing make her feel:

How eucharisteo always precedes the miracle, even joy in a supermarket. (Ibid)

Martin Luther is quoted as saying: "If you want to change the world, pick up your pen." 

Luther picked up his pen, and The Reformation began.

The Reformation BEGAN... It did not happen overnight.  Luther was subjected to great trials...the Reformation was not easy.  Still, I wonder...

I wonder if by picking up my pen and cracking open my journal if that is the first step in my inner and personal reformation.

I wonder if by picking up my pen I become reformed...learning to lean into and trust God's Presence...for ME!

John Piper once said, "There are eyes in pencils and pens."


Eyes in pencils and pens... Many times I have said there is great wisdom in my fingers when I simply let go and let them write...

I hold the pen. The cataracts clear. 

37. Windmills droning in day's last breeze 

38. Wool sweaters with turtleneck collars 

39. Faint aroma of cattle and straw 
(Voskamp, p 49)

Erasmaus, a contemporary of Martin Luther, said, "A nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit."

This pen is nothing less than the driving of nails. Nails driving out my habits of discontent and driving in my habit of eucharisteo. I'm hammering in nails to pound out nail, ugly nails that Satan has pierced through the world, my heart...Because the habit of discontentment can only be driven out by hammering in one iron sharper. The sleek pen of gratitude. 

I write: 

54. Moonlight on pillows 

55. Long, lisped prayers 

56. Kisses in the dark 

And in a house sleeping, my heart rings. 
(Voskamp, p 50)

So many thoughts to hold.

Reformation.

A Pen is nothing less than the driving of nails...nails driving out my habits of discontent and driving in my habits of eucharisteo.

Habit...

Learning new habits...Lord, help me!

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

To learn...

I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. ~ Philippians 4:11-12

A nice reminder of simple gifts from an old and missed voice...

As I read Ann's words yesterday, I thought, "She's becoming 'hooked' on the adrenaline rush of the happiness."

Ummmm.  Today as I continued reading, Ann wrote:

At first, it's the dare that keeps me going. That and how happy it makes me - giddy - this list writing of all that is good and pure and lovely and beautiful. But what keeps me going is what I read in that Bible lying open on my prayer bench looking out the window to the snow fort. The fot with a door in the wall. It's Paul writing the letter to the Philippians. I read the fourth chapter. I almost don't see it, but Paul repats it twice in only two sentences, so I don't miss it. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 47)

I read that passage which I began this post several times...looking....then I to noticed what Paul was saying to me.


Two times he says it: "I have LEARNED..."

Learned.

If I want to live a life that is full.

If I want to live a life from a place of inner peace and joy, then I to must learn.  I to must learn eucharisteo.

Learn it like I know my skin, my face, the words on the end of my tongue. Like I know my own name. Learn how to be thankful - whether empty or full. Could the list teach me even that hard language? Over time? Gratitude in the midst of death and divorce and debt - that's the language I've got to learn to speak - because that's the kind of life I'm living, the kind I have to solve.

I to live a life full of uncertainties, cancer, financial concerns, death, uncertainties and fears regarding health....  This morning my cousin will be undergoing open heart surgery, my newest Grand continues to cry, I've three counseling sessions before the team/elder meetings tonight...

This morning my cousin texted saying, "I wish there were easy fixes to broken bodies..."

I replied I do my best to watch my feelings and then to check the thoughts behind those feelings. Last evening I had a melt down.  I was tired physically, emotionally, and mentally.  I received an update on my precious Grand...and finally after so many days, while talking to a good friend...the tears, the anger, the frustration...the fears surfaced.

BUT! Once all that stuff was released, I was able to take deep breaths and to begin resting in trust....  I'm working on the gratitude of within some of the things of my life.

Like Ann says...Gratitude in the midst of...  in the midst of "life."

Paul wrote: I have learned how to be content with whatever I have...


This morning, I crack open my book and begin writing.  I begin writing even though the things I list seem trivial.  And....as I write...I do sense an emptying and a filling....I do sense a spark of inner peace as I begin this day.

John 15:4-7 - Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you...I am the Vine, you are the branches... Separated, you can't produce a thing...But, if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon.."


I cannot do this learning, this transformation on my own.  Yet, Scripture reminds me I do not have to do this on my own! I have the Holy Spirit of the Living God, living within me to help me, to guide me....to comfort me when I fail.

James 1:4 - So don't try to get out of anything prematurely.  Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.


Writing down my beginning sounds of gratitude...It is a beginning.

Ann writes: I wake the next morning and I grip my pen, ink to crake the code.


: ) "Crack the code."

Interesting choice of words for me to consider as I leave my home and travel south.  As I leave the quiet of my space and step into "life."

Lord, I know I cannot do anything without you. I cannot let go of my concern for Baby Grand or my Cousin.  I cannot fix the fears of those I will be meeting with today.
Help me to learn to be content within the stuff that is life, help me to lean into you in trust so that I might know inner joy and peace.  


Rain - Anne Murray


With every drop of rain....I hear you call...I can hear above the clouds.... Praise God!!

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Beginning sounds

This thanks that I am doing - it seems so ...crude. Trivial. If this list is the learning of the language of eucharisteo - this feels like...guttural groanings. ~ Ann Voskamp, "One Thousand Gifts"

If you read my blog last week, you know I made a fast trip to help Daughter #3 and crying Gabriel.  While the little guy cries A LOT, there are moments he smiles and coos, much like baby Emma.  Reading Ann's thoughts today on how her beginning list feels like guttural groanings...I thought back to how my heart smiled as Gabriel responded to me.

If that is true with me, that my heart smiled with Gabriel's beginning groans of speech, how much more might God smile with my beginning groans of learning to express eucharisteo?

Ann entitles Chapter 3, First Flight and begins with a quote by Sarah Van Breathnch:

Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.

Ann writes how a friend casually mentioned, "You've changed...It's that list you've been writing, isn't it?"

Obviously, having to prepare a sermon, parlor conversation, monthly session devotion..... Obviously, I read a lot of spiritual, biblical, healing and insightful thoughts.  However, Ann reminds me that in order to embrace, to live those things I read...I have to do something!

When one is thirsty one quenches one's thirst by drinking, not by reading books which treat this condition. ~ Pierre de Caussade

POW. That is one of those insights that hit me smack between the eyes! : )

If I thirst, I have to drink.

The only way to quench my thirst is to put all my books to the side and to bring the cup of life to my lips and take a drink. It is sort of like my yearning to learn how to knit. I can read and read and read, but until I pick up the needles and yarn, that yearning will never be satisfied.

If I thirst, I have to take an action.

Ann shares that she had no idea how to lay aside her books about eucharisteo but one morning she picked up a pen and began to write.  As she wrote she realized she was taking down, swallowing, the first real drink.  It was that first drink that began the transformation her friend noted, "You've changed..."


It is surprising what sometimes moves us to take a first step, in Ann's case it was a dare of sorts.

Like many of us this time of year, Ann's kitchen counter and desk was full of lists.  Lists of upcoming holiday menus, projects to complete, have-to-buys.....  In the midst of all the pre-holiday list making, a friend asked if she, Ann, could write a list of a thousand things she loves.

I read...again. As in, begin ANOTHER list? To name one thousand blessings - one thousand gifts - is that what she means? Sure, whatever. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 45)

It sounds so simple.  Ann thought so as well.

Sometimes you don't know when you're taking the first step through a door until you're already inside. (Ibid)

Grabbing a scrap piece of paper Ann wrote "Gift List" at the top. Not gifts that she needed or wanted during the pre-holiday season, but gifts she already had.  Her gifts were simple.  Her beginning thoughts brought a smile to my face.

1. Morning shadows across the old floors2. Jam piled high on the toast3. Cry of blue jay from high in the spruce (Ibid)

Just common things, but maybe I do not even recognize the common things of and in my life as "gifts" until I pause, lay aside my books and take an action...an action of writing them down.

I have begun such list, and hopefully I will continue my list as the busy holiday season comes upon me.  Hopefully I do this because I know in my heart by taking this step....this action....I do recognize these little things are indeed gifts!  Gifts that God bestows on me with love.

After my car accident I wrote how each day is a gift, but unless I unwrap that new gift every morning, it simply sits looking pretty.... but I have no idea what is inside unless I loosen the ribbon, tear off the tape and open!

This writing down - it is sort of like ...unwrapping love. It might fit like a glove.

16 Leafy life scent of the florist shop17 The creak of her old knees18 Wind flying cold wild in hair

 Ann realized the very action of writing her list, made her feel happy!

I understand.  Writing this blog, writing lists of gifts, reading my devotional.... These things seem to flip an inner switch of sorts giving me a new lens from which to see my day.

Ann writes how she likes the sense of happiness so she writes more...

I can hardly believe how it does that, that running stream of consciousness, river I drink from and I'm quenched in, a surging stream of grace and it's wild how it sweeps me away. And I add one more to the list. To feel it all again....yet...the list feels foreign, strange. Lone, I am woman who speaks but one language, the language of the fall - discontentment and self-condemnation, the critical eye and the never satisfied.

Ann shares her ah-ha that if all the "gifts" she was listing were gifts from God, then wasn't her action of writing them down like receiving them...like taking them with thanks?

Giving thanks....

This crazy-dare gift list-it's language lessons in eucharisteo!

This realization was followed by the thought that her list seemed crude...trivial...the thought/quote I shared as I began this post.

I stopped here, thinking how my own lists have sometimes felt crude and I wondered if that is one reason I have laid them aside?

It is DIFFICULT to change!!!

Living a life from an attitude of gratitude doesn't just happen because I wish it or I read about it....I have to take intentional steps if I want to live from this place.  I have to be intentional.  I want to be intentional.  I don't "have" to do anything....I WANT to learn to live from an attitude of gratitude because I know I will experience peace and joy within not only my ordinary days, but also during those days that have shadows.

This is a new day, and for that I am grateful!

I want to think and consider how I can begin this acknowledging gifts/blessings in a way that will help me during the busy days to come.

AMEN!!!

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Eucharisteo... One Word

One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him, and he was a Samaritan. ~ Luke 17:15-16


: ) I found this video and song this morning.  Not what I would normally choose, but even though I am not crazy about some of his choice of images....I simply couldn't help but smile looking at some of the other images, and just listening to his simple words.

"...My brain's insane...Overwhelm is just my state of mind...My lips get blamed..."


Ha! That would often be me.

It has been a rough two days, yet reading the story of the Ten Lepers from Luke and listening to this video...I'm smiling.

The story of the Ten Lepers from Luke 17 is one of my favorites.  When I was young, I would hear this story and wonder... "The one came back and Jesus told him to 'rise up and go, your faith has made you well'. (Luke 17:17-19)...but wasn't he already healed?"

I used this story in a sermon last year, asking, "What does Jesus mean when he says, 'your faith has made you well.'?"

Ann digs into this story and shares that in the Greek, "well" is the word "sozo".  There are many translations of this word, but, Ann writes, its literal meaning is "to save."

Sozo means salvation. It means true wellness, complete wholeness. To live sozo is to live the full life. Jesus came that we might live life to the full. He came to give us sozo. Ann asks, When did the leper receive sozo - the saving to the full, whole life? When he returned and gave thanks. I lay down my pen. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 38-39)

Ahhhhh.... Our very saving is associated with gratitude.

Jesus said, "Thy faith has saved you." and the leper's faith was one that drove him to his knees in gratitude.  Soooo....does Jesus count thanksgiving as integral in a faith that saves?

...How else do we accept His free gift of salvation if not with thanksgiving? Thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives. Thanksgiving is the manifestation of our 'Yes!' to His grace. (Ibid)

"If the church is in Christ, its initial act is always an act of thanksgiving, of returning the world to God." ~ Alexander Schmemann

Ann challenges me to consider her insight, "If I am truly in Christ, mustn't my initial act, too, always be an act of thanksgiving, returning to Jesus with thanks on my lips?"

I wrote of the trip to help my daughter and her new baby. Since being with them...this precious baby has spent more time crying than sleeping.  My daughter at times has spent more time crying than anything else....and I feel helpless.

Added to my sense of helplessness is my worry of work I need to be accomplishing for the church.  I have done some things by phone as I have "danced" with Gabriel, yet many things need to be done at the computer and finding time for this work...

I listen to this baby cry, I watch my daughter sink into depths of exhaustion and sadness, I consider the agenda and budget that needs to be proofed, I think about the bulletin and that sermon, and then my own pain...  And I ask, how can I get on my knees in gratitude?

Ann offers me a verse from the Psalms: He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God ~ Psalm 50:23

Thanksgiving - giving thanks in EVERYTHING

The act of offering my thank offerings up to God - the small things like pain, a crying baby and exhausted daughter...all the way up to those things much more "devastating"... This act of offering up thanks to God opens a way for God to show me His fullest salvation from bitter, angry, resentfulf lives and from all sin that blocks an open and full relationship Him...

At the Eucharist, Christ breaks His heart to heal ours (mine) - Christ, the complete accomplishments of our salvation. And the miracle of the eucharisteo never ends: thanksgiving is what precedes the miracle of that salvation being fully worked out in our lives. Thanksgiving - giving thanks in everything - is what prepares the way for salvation's whole restoration. Our salvation in Christ is real, yet the completeness of that salvation is not fully realized in life until the life realizes the need to give thanks. In everything?(Voskamp, p 40)

If this is true, I will never experience the fullness of my salvation until I express the fullness of my thanks every day, and eucharisteo is elemental to living the saved life.

All those years thinking I was saved and had said my yes to God, but was really living the no. Was it because I had never fully experienced the whole of my salvation? Had never lived out the fullest expression of my salvation in Christ? Because I wasn't taking everything in my life and returning to Jesus, falling at his feet and thanking him. I sit still, blinded. This is why I sat all those years in church but my soul had holes had never fully healed.

Eucharisteo, the Greek word with the hard meaning and the harder meaning to live - this is the only way from empty to full. (Ibid)

Wow....some heavy and deep thoughts to consider....

Know what story comes to mind?

Well, actually, parable....  It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle...(Mark 10:25)

...a rich man.

As a child and as an adult, I thought of "rich man" as someone with an abundance of riches, yet, I am rich and all to often, I take my riches/blessings for granted.  All to often, I am like the Nine Lepers....running into life with little thought of the Source of Life.

.....some heavy and deep thoughts to consider. I don't like to think of myself as being one of the Nine. : )

The way through is hard. But do I really want to be saved?

I suppose this may be my salvation.... That I need to sit with and ponder.  However, I am holding that this "Eucharisteo" may be the secret of a fuller life here on earth.

Another "personal testimony" video this morning... Funny...I guess these are speaking to my heart this morning rather than some of the more professional clips available...

Thank You, Lord

Well....precious baby is crying once more....  Lord, open my heart to Eucharisteo....

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Is there another way?

The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learned this knows what it means to live...He has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything. ~ Albert Schweitzer

This prayer was composed by Rabbi Lazer Brody. Another interesting spiritual teacher.

Yesterday became a flurry day as I made last minute preparations to leave home once more and to travel to help Daughter #3 and her very unhappy baby.  I left Indianapolis in late afternoon and began the bus ride north. Evening is always the most difficult time of day.  Physical pain issues seem to be on full alert. Texting to a friend, she suggested I try centering prayer for the next two hours.

Seriously, I am not "there" and I don't know that I will ever get "there".

When the pain becomes so intense, it is like I become the servant and the pain the master.  Is it possible to keep this from happening?

Ann continues her early reflections on Eucharisteo.  She is thinking more about emotional loss...pain.  Is it possible that Eucharisteo is also the mystery to the fullest life when one is battling physical pain?

The Apostle Paul knew physical pain...and in that pain he offered up Thanksgiving...

I might have found the holy grail...and lost it, moved on. And yet really - hadn't God set the holy grail in the center of Christianity? Eucharisteo, it's the central symbol of Christianity. Thanksgiving. The table with its emblems is the essence of what it means to live the Christ-life....Doesn't the continual repetition...at the table of the Eucharist clearly place the whole of our lives into the context of thanksgiving? (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 34)

Ann challenges me to consider that the elements of the Table are the most common foods, bread and the drink of vine.  Two basic elements that have been a part of our meal taking across centuries and cultures.


In other words, Jesus did not institute the Eucharist around a once-a-year event!


The simple food of the Table....a slice of bread and drinking a cup from the fruit of the vine...Is this not an every day occurrence for most of us!


1 Corinthians 11:26 reads: "...whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup..."


Whenever...


I eat bread and drink juice, every day....

Ann reminds me it is not just "whenever" but also "wherever: here"

Doesn't Christ, at His death meal, set the entirety of our everyday bread and drink lives into the framework of Eucharisteo? The Big Dipper lurks low outside the window. Yet, how does the framework of Eucharisteo undergird a life? Penetrating the mystery is like discovering galaxies; there is always more. (Ibid)

Is it not a truth that the more I know...the less I actually know?


Shaping dough into loaves, Ann reflects on her thoughts and writes that she decides, this time, she will enter into the mystery. 

...I think how Jesus took the bread and gave thanks...and then the miracle of the multiplying of loves and fishes. 

How Jesus took the bread and gave thanks...and then the miracle of Jesus enduring the cross for the joy set before Him. 

How Jesus stood outside Lazarus's tomb, the tears streaming down His face, and He looked up and prayed...and then the miracle of a dead man rising! Thanksgiving raises the dead! (Voskamp, p 35)

Eucharisteo - thanksgiving - always precedes the miracle.


Alexander Schmemann writes in his book, For the Life of the World: Sacraments and Orthodoxy:
"The only real fall of man is his noneucharistic life in a noneucharistic world."


: ) Remember, Ann has already nudged me to consider I am reliving the Garden Story...that the Serpent was an ingrate.

Non-eucharisteo...humanity's, my, discontent with all that God freely gives.  How can I...in the midst of my ordinary life hang on to eucharisteo and live from an attitude of thanksgiving?

Might a life of eucharisteo really work the miracle of the God-communion? (Voskamp, p 37)


Yet, to live from this place, is to live as Jesus lived.

That means, like Jesus, on the eve of his arrest, trial, and crucifixion...he took bread and offered thanksgiving.

Jesus offered thanksgiving, knowing God would abandon him.

Jesus offered thanksgiving, knowing he would be tortured...broken...

Jesus offered thanksgiving for the joy (chara) that would follow.

The mystery always contains more mystery. (Ibid)


I know the story.... and I ask if there is not another way.


Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:16:
Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ?


Last night, in the black of the bus, watching the lights of Daughter #3's city home approach...as I battled with pain and spasms...

The lights of the city shone so bright, and as I watched...they came nearer and became brighter until I was in their midst....until I was held within the light.

Is that how this journey toward gratitude looks...works... ?

Standing in the midst of my darkness...that I can see the light of what is coming?

Standing in the midst of my darkness, is it like the first glance of the city...bright but on within my reach?

Is there another way?

Is there a way to enter this journey of living as Jesus without the trial, pain, and darkness?

This picture reminds me the "rose" also carries thorns, just as this beautiful flower is surrounded by hard needles.

I "know" the answer...doesn't make it any easier.

I've written I am facilitating a conversation on the character of Job on Sunday's.  I didn't plan this cross over at the time, but Job's story resonates as I consider and reflect on the idea of Eucharisteo.


I found another meditative piece by Rabbi Brody that spoke to my heart as I draw this to a close in order to dance with this baby.... Ummmm how much am I like this crying baby? : )

Three Minute Meditative Cure....


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Those infamous "bucket lists"

Time is free, but its priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back. ~ Harvey MacKay

Since its Friday...a bit of fun... Green Day.

Yesterday, I was feeling pinched for time.

I didn't have the time I wanted to go outside and clean flower beds.

I felt rushed getting the BPC Update published and sent out.

I needed to get a start on the bulletin and a sermon...Sunday's comin!

Time...

It is comforting to learn I am not the only one who feels pressured and threatened by the lack of time to do....  In the second chapter of her book, A Word to Live...And Die By, Ann Voskamp recounts a similar thought process that I have described and then on page 31 she writes:

"...I close the bathroom linen closet. Pick up a brush to swish the toilets. I don't need more time to breathe so that I may experience more locales, possess more, accomplish more. Because wonder really could be here - for seeing eyes. 

"So - more time for what? 

"The face of Jesus flashes. Jesus, the God-Man with his own termination date. Jesus, the God-Man who came to save me from prisons of fear and guilt and depression and sadness. With an expiration of less than twelve hours, what does Jesus count as all most important? 

"'And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them...' (Luke 22:19 NIV)

Wow, a reality jolt on this Friday morning.

In the Greek "he gave thanks" reads "eucharisteo."

Ann challenges herself, and then me to consider if this one word could lay a sure foundation under life?  Could this one word offer the fullest life?

The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning 'grace.'

In other words, Jesus took the bread and saw it as grace and gave thanks. He took the bread and knew it to be a gift and gave thanks.  (Voskamp, p 32)

There is more, Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis AND it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning "Joy."


J-O-Y.


Isn't this what I am seeking?


Joy of living of being alive at this time in history, and knowing that Joy within every fiber of my being.


The Bucket Lists that are popular to write, are then not seeking this sense of "joy"?


But as I sit here pondering this joy, I know in my heart the joy of eucharisteo is deeper, broader, fuller than any joy experienced checking things off a bucket list.


The joy of eucharisteo is holy joy.
"Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo - the table of thanksgiving. I sit there long...wondering...is it that simple?" (Voskamp, p 33)


Is it that simple?

Ann continues pondering,

"As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible. Joy is always possible. Whenever, meaning - now: wherever, meaning - here. The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now." (Ibid)

It almost seems to simple!

Charis. Grace.

Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.

Chara. Joy.

Grace, thanksgiving, joy. Eucharisteo

A Greek word...that might make meaning of everything?


For me...these are powerful thoughts and images that I will hold as I walk through the next few days.  Something else that comes to mind as I hold these thoughts is this passage from Ephesians, "A cord of three strands is not easily broken."

This coming Sunday, I will be officiating at the baptism of a beautiful baby boy during worship.  Holding Ann's thoughts, the thoughts of Paul,  and the thoughts of Knox's baptism...

This Charis...this Eucharsisteo...this Chara... Jesus always sent his disciples out two-by-two.  Why? I believe so they could be encouragement for one another AND so each would have a trusted friend with home to depend upon guiding him with love and truth.

It is difficult to discover Charis - Eucharisteo - Chara by oneself.

The darkness of the world is often difficult to resist when walking by oneself.

As I hold these thoughts of Grace, Thanksgiving, and Joy...I want to also consider who is in my life to help me live in this Grace, this Thanksgiving, and this Joy. I want to hold how I and the congregation are called to walk alongside John Knox.

God has placed his Spirit within me AND he has given me brothers and sisters to walk beside me, who also carry his Spirit within them.

Eucharisteo.

One word that offers me the joy of God's grace in ways that are deeper and broader....more life giving than any check mark on a bucket list.  Praise God!

What am I grateful for on this Friday morning?

Simple things like my flavored coffee and that I didn't lose this post earlier! : )

I am thankful for Daughter #4 calling to give me a hard time this morning. : )

I am grateful for the sunshine that is streaming through my kitchen window.

I am grateful for the four wonderful women from BPC who have willingly joined me in this journey of faith.  Holding me accountable and offering me wisdom when I stumble.

I am grateful for a friend who offers me hard truth in love.

I am grateful....and as I sit within this circle of gratitude, I feel my inner self shifting ever so slightly as I begin this Friday.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

A Word to Live and Die by ~ Eucharisteo

It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly 'themselves' before him in worship. God is sheer being itself = Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration. ~ John 4:23-24 MSG

Wow....what a way to begin my morning devotions! This word from John and then Michael's song, Above All.

Chapter 2 of Ann's book is entitled "a word to live...and die by".  She uses a quote by Alexander Schmenmann to begin:

Eucharist [thanksgiving] is the state of the perfect man. Eucharist is the life of paradise. Eucharist is the only full and real respons of man to God's creation, redemption, and gift of heaven.

Yet, another "wow" as I begin this day.

There is A LOT to sit with, to reflect upon, to ponder...within this quote of Schmenmann.

"I slam upright, jolt the bed hard, hands gripping the cotton sheets wild....they were just nightmares ..a silver thread unraveling through the black. And for me, she who says she never has dreams." (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 24-25)

Yesterday I shared briefly how pain is and has been a steady companion. Desperate for sleep, I took two Advil PMs last night.  I slept and had strange dreams that were unsettling.  I could only shake my head as I began reading Chapter 2 this morning.

Ann does a great job using the time of waking from bad dreams as a metaphor/allegory [??? my HS English teacher must be shaking her head at my confusion] of such to describe life in general.

"For years of mornings I have woken wanting to die. Life itself twists into nightmare. For years, I have pulled the covers up over my head, dreading to begin another day I'd be bound to just wreck. Years, I lie listening to the taunt of names ringin off my interior walls, ones from the past that never drifted far and away: Loser. Mess. Failure. They are signs nailed overhead, nailed through me, naming me. The stars are blinking out." (Voskamp, p 26)

Again....these words so resonate with my own heart.  This morning Sarah Young, in her devotion book, Jesus Calling, also spoke to these doubts...these "nightmares" I do my best to hide from myself and from others.

Beware of seeing yourself through others people's eyes. There are several dangers to this practice. First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you. Moreover, their views of you are variable: subject to each viewer's  spiritual, emotional, and physical condition. The major problem with letting others define you is that it borders on idolatry. Your concern to please others dampens your desire to please Me. your Creator....

 This morning I awoke from a night of restless dreams, to thoughts from scripture and from Ann's book that seemed to offer a salve of sorts to the edginess I felt beginning this new day.

I have already emptied the dishwasher, folded laundry from last night...mindless tasks as I have watched the eastern sky turn from black to a subtle orange.  A new day has begun and I live within the question.

Knowing these mornings of orange skies and dew on my feet as I change the feeders for the birds...I ask what is most important.  Ann concluded Chapter One with the challenge to ...now see and testify..a dare to an emptier, fuller life."

In other words....how do I live the fullest life possible NOW that delivers into the full life after?

Gratitude.

Eucharisteo.

I stood watching the sun this morning, glancing here and there at the muted colors of mums with leaves from my wonderful trees scattered all around.  I felt the coolness of the dew and the freshness of the morning air...I think Ann may have hit a nerve with me suggesting from our beginnings [my beginnings] we keep reliving the Garden story of not having enough.

On page 29 Ann asks:

"...Will I have lived fully - or just empty?"

Holidays are coming up and I watch my Grands wait with anticipation... Maybe they are a visible lesson for me to hold. Sometimes it is difficult, this waiting...this living between birth and eternity.

Walking through the front door of the church there is a large framed poster entitled "The Dash".  It is a popular reminder....it speaks to this living within the middle...the dash.

When I walk through the doors of the church today, I think I will pause long enough to actually read this familiar truth again....and to be grateful for the woman who framed and hung this picture....to be grateful for the reminder of being in Eucharisteo in this moment...within the dash of today.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Why One Thousand Gifts?

From our beginnings, we keep reliving the Garden story. ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 15

Grace by Laura Story


It is a shame I can't keep a journal of all my life because when I would pause to look back, I know I would see things, people, images... all being repeated over and over again.  I know this because there are times I actually do notice!  One of the repeats that kept coming my way was Ann's book One Thousand Gifts.

"I do not want nor do I need another devotional to read and clutter up my space!"

"I can only absorb, I can only handle so many 'good things'!"

"I have actually latched on to a couple of devotionals, I'm good! I don't need another!"

".....!" ...was my response to each subtle invitation.

I noticed this morning the copyright date is 2010.  God/the Universe/Spirit...whatever term you are comfortable using when referring to the Source of all life....this Great Spirit must have begun nudging Ann's book my direction shortly after it was published!  My resistance is an indication to the stubbornness within me that this blessed Creator is constantly working to sand down a bit. : )

To show how silly I can be, part of my resistance to picking up Ann's book was that I LOVED the image on the book-jacket!  I was fearful of becoming engrossed in a book for which I felt I did not have the time.  OR, another silly thought was that I would be disappointed.  The inside would not match the pull of the image on the outside.

Long story short....I finally did purchase the book and was pleasantly surprised by how it fed me, how it challenged me, and how it encouraged me.

While I was at first hesitant to share some of my thoughts as I read through the book again, today, I am actually looking forward to the challenge.  Last Sunday I began a new study for adults at the church using the book of Job.  I've never studied Job before and have felt a sense of enthusiasm as I have begun making preparations for the class.  This morning, reading the first chapter of Ann's book, "an emptier, fuller life" I was struck by how the words she used to talk about an early tragedy in her life sounded similar to Job's friends.

"Ah!" I thought, "another layer I can use when reading both books!"


Ann begins early on with the theme of the entire book.

Ann introduces her theme with a single word, eucharisteo, with means "he gave thanks."

Eucharisteo is the word that is used in Luke 22:19 when Jesus gave thanks for the bread at the Last Supper before he served it to his disciples.

You might be thinking, "yet one more book on gratitude..." and you would be right.  I had the same thought which was one more reason I did not pick up the book.  Yet, Ann offers at times a gut-wrenching honesty which gave her words more strength and power than other books I have read on gratitude.  Stories and words shared are not simply words offered by someone who has not known, or is not willing to share her own struggles.

The thoughts and insights from this book have been pulled from life experiences...from real life struggles.

I wish I could continue writing, I feel as though I have much to journal, but I've a budget meeting to prepare for in a couple of hours!  So....hopefully I will have an opportunity to post more tomorrow.

Before signing off I do want to offer a praise by how I have been blessed today!

I enjoyed a wonderful brunch with a group of women within whose space I rest.  They offer me and one another a sacred space to "be". Later I visited with another woman from the group who was not able to participate.  Again, it was sacred moments spent sitting side by side in her living room.

I am grateful for the gift of sacredness...for the gift of love that was offered to me this day. I am so glad I made myself available to receive the gift.  Funny thing love, moments like today, it is so easy to reach out and touch.  Still, other times, it is some times discovered in places we would not expect.... Love is Here by Tenth Avenue North.


Love...it's a gift, it is sometimes a challenge to receive.


Many Blessings ~ Sandi