Joy and Pain

"The difference between shallow happiness and a deep sustaining joy is sorrow. Happiness lives where sorrow is not. When sorrow arrives, happiness dies. It can't stand pain. Joy, on the other hand, rises from sorrow and therefore can withstand all grief. Joy, by the grace of God, is the transfiguration of suffering into endurance, and of endurance into character, and of character into hope--and the hope that has become our joy does not (as happiness must for those who depend upon it) disappoint us." Walter Wangrin, Reliving the Passion

After recording 1000 gifts, Ann reflects on the realization that she has a journal full of blessings, but as she has awaken to the joy of God's presence/grace/gifts, she has also awaken to the reality that awakening to joy also awakens her to pain.

"...life is loss...WHAT will I lose? Health? Comfort? Hope? Eventually, I am guaranteed to lose every earthly thing I have ever possessed. WHEN will I lose? Today? In a few weeks? How much time have I got before the next loss? WHO will I lose? And that's a definite: I will lose every single person I have ever loved. Ether abruptly or eventually...Every step I take forward in my life is a loss of something in my life and I live the waiting." (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 84)

Deep thoughts.

Real thoughts.

Thoughts that I often try to avoid.

In a world of certain loss, then the question comes, "What is 'grace'?"

By naming "blessings", "gifts"...."God Winks" I am striving to be more aware of God in my life.  But, notice the words... "blessings" and "gifts"..... If I name these moments as gifts and blessings, what are the moments of pain, of suffering?


Cursedness?

Emptiness?

Forgotten?

Forsaken?

How do you know how to sift through a day, a life, and rightly read the graces, rightly ascertain the curses? (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 85)

Like  me, Ann asks what is good, what counts as grace, what is the heart of God?

When Job lost everything,  he assumed that God had either turned his back on him or was unfairly punishing him.

What is the heart of God?

Do I believe in a God who rouses Himself just now and then to spill a bit of benevolence on hemorrhaging humanity? A God who breaks through teh carapace of this orb only now and then, surprises us with a spared hand, a reprieve from sickness, a good job and a nice house in the burbs - and then finds Himself again too impotent to deal with all I see as suffering and evil A God of sporadic, random, splattering goodness - that now and then splatters across a gratitude journal? (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, p 85)

Like Job, Ann draws herself up and asks a hard question.

What are all the moments that I don't list as "gifts", as "blessings"?

What of these moments?

 God, it is difficult, this waiting...waiting when I see such darkness within such brightness.  Give me courage during this season of Advent to hold both the joy and the pain that is life and to see You. Through the power of your Spirit, may my happiness be transformed into your Joy. AMEN.


Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week IV - Day 2 - The Cup of Suffering - The Evening Review

Saying yes to the consequences of my life-choice and decisions, an old hymn kept coming to mind today.  This evening, I began looking for a rendition that spoke to my heart.  I am not familiar with the Southern Gospel artists and I am assuming that is Wintley Phipps audience.  I will admit, he was the last one I tried...and he surprised me with his story and his voice.  The man spoke to my heart AND he offered me a lesson of not being so quick to label and categorize.

I continue to find it interesting how conversations come up that seem to go a long with my reading and journaling. This afternoon I was talking with one of my daughters.  She told me about a patient, a 50 y.o. man who had a new colostomy and the problems he had experienced following surgery.  He asked her for help, and expressed his embarrassment and frustration.  My daughter listened and then shared something she had overheard another nurse tell a patient...

"I cannot imagine what you are going through right now, yet I do know this bag attached to your side has saved your life and I hope that at some point you are able to look at it as your best friend and say, 'Thank You!'"

I shared with her Joyce's thoughts on suffering.  I told her I didn't think the thought would magically change the man's attitude, yet she had planted a seed.

The story of It is Well with My Soul has continued to stay in my mind today as well. Horatio Spafford (1828-1888) was a wealthy Chicago lawyer with a thriving legal practice, a beautiful home, a wife, four daughters and a son. He was also a devout Christian and faithful student of the Scriptures. His circle of friends included Dwight L. Moody, Ira Sankey and various other well-known Christians of the day.

At the very height of his financial and professional success, Horatio and his wife Anna suffered the tragic loss of their young son. Shortly thereafter on October 8, 1871, the Great Chicago Fire destroyed almost every real estate investment that Spafford had.

In 1873, Spafford scheduled a boat trip to Europe in order to give his wife and daughters a much needed vacation and time to recover from the tragedy. He also went to join Moody and Sankey on an evangelistic campaign in England. Spafford sent his wife and daughters ahead of him while he remained in Chicago to take care of some unexpected last minute business. Several days later he received notice that his family's ship had encountered a collision. All four of his daughters drowned; only his wife had survived.

With a heavy heart, Spafford boarded a boat that would take him to his grieving Anna in England. It was on this trip that he penned those now famous words, When sorrow like sea billows roll; it is well, it is well with my soul.. 

What kept coming to my mind today was that these terrible misfortunes did not occur because of a mindless decision on Spafford's part.  He lived his life and he knew great tragedy AND in the midst of his terrible loss he wrote this beautiful testimony of his faith.

Wiederkehr said that "...joy and sorrow are sisters; they live in the same house."  What I THINK Joyce is trying to help me appreciate is that I will have pain, I will have suffering AND it is my choice as to how I will deal with these inevitable times. 

          "Love waits to strengthen

Love waits to nourish

Love waits to be received

Love waits to heal"

My crosses can be things like anxiety, struggle, heartache, loneliness, sadness, frustrations....things that take up residence in my heart when I refuse to listen and learn...to appreciate and honor...the pain and sorrow that is simply a part of living.  To accept the pain and sorrow that occur as consequences of my choices.

When life hands you lemons...

Difficult lessons, yet life giving lessons.

This is not the same as "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."   I really dislike this statement... enough said.

Lord, I admit it! I want my life to be all joy, laughter, fun...painless.  But so far that has been far from my reality.  Some of my pain has just simply been "life" and some has been the consequence of my decisions.  Teach me. Help me to lean into you during painful times...to seek your support, your encouragement, your guidance...  I know you will help me carry the crosses I bring to you.  Those I burden myself with, all you can do is wait...  

1. How open or aware was I to the presence of God in my day?  Actually, I was very aware...I found myself pausing to look...to notice.

3. Does anything need to be emptied out in order for me to be at peace tonight? It is the weekend, I can't make any life changing phone calls or emails until Monday morning. May I continue to be open and aware to your presence...may I be open to your guidance.  And, for tonight, may I let go of all that weighs on my heart about these decisions...and give them to you.

Divine Companion, shelter me under your wings of love. Grant me a peaceful night and a restful sleep. AMEN. (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 18)

Many Blessings ~ Sandi