...to walk with less hurry inside.

"The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself." ` Henry Miller

Page 110 of A Tree Full of Angels holds Macrina's response to "Joyce" who writes:

...to walk with less hurry inside.

Okay, I am most likely going to end up offering most of Macrina's response because it so speaks to my own heart.  I gasped in surprise when I read "Joyce's" words because they are words I often say and see within others. I literally put my book down and walked away for a moment when I read Macrina's response:

"Your words are like ointment for my soul. My days have been filled with hurry. I hurry on the inside. I hurry on the outside. Then I give talks about slowing down. I would feel like an utter hypocrite but for the fact that I can talk most passionately about that which I feel the greatest lack. I understand experientially what hurrying does to the soul. I am beginning to see what violence I do to myself when I hurry." (Macrina Wiederkehr, A Tree Full of Angels, p 110)

Be still my soul... Slow your inner fear of never being enough, not doing enough, not taking care of the needs of those I "need" to be caring for. Be still my soul, trust that there will be the time you need to do what God asks of you. Be still my soul, you are not in control, and God has plans for your days. Be still...

"When I prayed your words,[...to walk with less hurry inside.] my deep self got immensely excited, hoping, I suppose, that relief was on the way. My poor deep self has had a hard time of it lately. I drag it around with me in haste. It has no choice but to go where I go and at my pace. That part of me that was made to adore has been enslaved in my busyness. It is crying for freedom. It is crying for the space to stand and stare. It is crying for something slow and something quiet." (Ibid)

 The song says, "Be still my soul..." but yet, some times I need to listen to the anguish of my soul!

Macrina articulates it so well "I drag it around with me in haste...it [she] has no choice...enslaved to my busyness...crying for freedom..."

If I witnessed someone abusing another, I would hope I would call 911 if not jump in and personally try to help, yet, day after day, I jump to the demands, the needs around me, abusing the very part of me that is life.

"Today I knew I must be obedient to its cry. I fixed myself a cup of tea and sat down in the middle of the day. Can you believe it? In the middle of the day! And it wasn't even Sunday! What a victory! My inner self nestled up within and tried to give me a hug. My quiet smiled on my noise, my slow smiled on my hurry..." (Ibid)

Yesterday I met a good friend for breakfast and we talked, and talked... And my soul smiled in a way she has not smiled for several days. For a few hours that morning, I was not caring for, responsible for, answering to...anyone except my weary soul, and the world continued to spin on its axis and the sun did not fall from the sky...and most importantly, my soul was fed within the calm.

Macrina continues, saying that during her quiet moments, she received these words:



the quiet in me smiled on my noise
the slow in me smiled on my hurry
and my life miracled into
a calm on the lake.


Jesus woke up in my boat
without my asking,
and commanded the winds
to subside.


I was asked not to run away
from my noise and my hurry
but to enter it
and embrace it most gently.


it was at the moment
of my entering
that i felt the miracle.


the quiet in me smiled on my noise
the slow in me smiled on my hurry
and my life miracled into
a calm on the lake.


Macrina writes that it is truly a miracle when "I let God have me."

Isn't that a provocative image/thought?

To let God have me. To trust God to lead me, to guide me through my day...to set the pace of my day?

Last evening I spent many moments in conversation with a friend. She admitted that since the Companions haven't been meeting, she has once again become lax in reading scripture, setting aside time to be still, being intentional about being aware and attentive...

I was not surprised and honestly? I would not be a bit surprised if the other women in this group would/could admit similar fates to their ability "to walk with less hurry inside."

I have journaled many times how it is easier to fall into and to follow the world's habits than to resist the world and to stand quietly in the Light. It is easier to follow the world even though we are abusing the very life that is within us by doing so. It has been easier for the woman I spoke with last evening. Sadly, it is far to often easier for me.  Macrina admitted in her writing, that at times it has been easier for her.

It gives me hope when I read that Macrina has at times struggled. You know, sometimes I feel so guilty about not taking time to be with God in his Word or simply being still, listening for his voice that I ignore the cry from within. When I ignore the cries of my soul, which I believe is God calling to me; when I ignore his call long enough, I either lose touch and don't hear my soul at all, or maybe she simply begins to grow weary in her despair.

In his gracious love, God created me as a creature with freedom of choice.  Thus, it is my choice to listen to the life within me. It is my choice to be intentional about practicing disciplines that give the life within me the power and strength to guide me along this journey called life.

Jesus, you are my Light! Forgive me when I forget that you know my heart and that you understand! Forgive me when I assume things that need to be done, won't happen unless I move....move....move... without pausing to rest in you, without pausing to listen to your Word.  You, the very source of Life! YOU! You are the source of all that is truly important! Help me resist the pull of this world so that I might walk with less hurry, both inside and out! Jesus, help me to walk in this life with the peace and the assurance that I am a much loved child of God! AMEN.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi