Week IV - The Broken Cup

I have become like a broken vessel. ~ Psalm 31:12

Is it possible to grow
without brokenness?

"I was offering a Lenten retreat day based on the image of the cup and had just stopped speaking in order to take a morning coffee break with the group, I looked up and there, coming toward the podium, was a woman in her early fifties. She was wobbling, leaning heavily on a five-pronged cane, her head shaking from side to side. When she came up to me I could barely understand her speech. She tried to tell me how a severe asthma attack caused a coma that left her with brain damage. This brave, wounded woman had begun learning to talk and walk all over again."She had struggled to walk to the front of the room in order to tell me about the cup she had brought with her. She said she had no idea what the day was about other than that she was to bring a cup with her. Then she showed me her cup.The handle had been broken off leaving two sharp poking edges in its place. I gasped. It couldn't have been a better symbol for what had recently happened to her." (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 87)

January 1998 my life was forever changed.  I was a passenger in a car that flipped three times and rolled twice. My neck was broken at C2 and because of my twisting/turning within the seat belt, I had spinal cord damage as well. There are many things about the weeks that followed that are only a blur, but two images that remain sharp in my mind was 1. the day my PT stood me up between those brass parallel bars so I could begin the process of learning how to walk and 2. the painstakingly slow process of helping me get my thought processes to work.

Broken. Repaired, Discovering
a  new way of be-ing.

Eighteen months later, I attended my first meeting with a group that I was to have begun meeting with in January of '98.  After we adjourned, a woman helped me to my car and express sadness that I had experienced such a bad time. I was caught off guard and had to think...then I responded, "I like the person I am becoming. I don't know if I would be where I am today without that car accident."

"The broken cup reminds me of those times when hurts, wounds, pains, and adversities of all sorts invade our lives and change us forever. During these times all we can do is try to survive, slowly recover, and start anew." (Rupp, p 88)

There is brokenness that is severe and requires a lot of time to repair...and to then discover a new way of be-ing. There is also brokenness that consists of daily obstacles and simple irritations. It might be the daily pain following an accident, it might also be the "run of bad luck" we sometimes have to navigate.

"Whatever the difficulty that we experience, it can be a source of our spiritual growth. So much depends on how we view these pieces of brokenness and what we do or do not do with them." (Ibid)

Joyce quotes Madeleine L'Engle who wrote: "I look back at my mother's life and I see suffering deepening and strengthening it. In some people I have also seen it destroy. Pain is not always creative; received wrongly, it can lead to alcoholism and madness and suicide. Nevertheless without it we do not grow." (Walking On Water)

I have journaled before that it seems like with each turn of the page, Joyce asks me to go deeper, to peel back another layer of my cocoon. Today she writes:

"What would happen if we met our frustrations, pains, and heartache as we would met a visitor having something to teach us? What if we lingered a bit with our brokenness and asked it to help us to grow? What might we learn from those pieces of our lives that are still wanting and incomplete? (Ibid)

Advil PM and Biofreeze
my bedtime companions.

Rather than doing my best to numb the constant pain that I experience...embrace it and ask it to help me grow...to learn from those pieces of my life that ares still wanting and incomplete?


"...that part of your life that empties you or fragments you - to discover how it has been, or can be, a teacher for your growth. It is also a week to find comfort as you pray about the strength and shelter of God and to deepen your hope as you reflect on aspects of healing." (Rupp, p 89)

Pondering growth that is
within difficult times.

             Joyce suggests you and I turn our cup on its side to remind us of the pain and powerlessness of being broken.  She asks that we leave the cup on its side unless the day's prayer indicates otherwise.  Also, she asks that we put a seed or a packet of seeds by your cup for this week. "Let it remind you of how the seed's husk must be broken open before the green shoot comes forth. May it also remind you of the power for personal growth that is within your difficult times."

Anne Lamott

Anne Lamott has written, "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work, and you don't give up."

Hope begins in the dark.

Hope....

Yesterday I asked my friend if it was possible to grow without brokenness.  At the time I had not looked ahead to know that Week IV of Joyce's book would be The Broken Cup. For the next six days: 1. Joy and Sorrow, 2. The Cup of Suffering, 3. My Cup of Tears, 4. The Unmendable Cup, 5. Recognizing Resistances, and 6.The Mended Cup.

. Praise You In This Storm - Casting Crowns  

Powerful words that have offered me the gift of hope, 

a moment of insight...so many times.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Casting Crowns

Week III - Day 7 - The Chipped Cup - Integration and Review

Brokenness

Charles E. Cowman writes: God uses most for His glory those people and things which are most perfectly broken. The sacrifices He accepts are broken and contrite hearts. It was the breaking down of Jacob's natural strength at Peniel that got him where God could clothe him with spiritual power. It was breaking the surface of the rock at Horeb, by the stroke of Moses' rod that let out the cool waters to thirsty people.

It was when the 300 elect soldiers under Gideon broke their pitchers, a type of breaking themselves that the hidden lights shone forth to the consternation of their adversaries. It was when the poor widow broke the seal of the little pot of oil, and poured it forth, that God multiplied it to pay her debts and supply means of support.

It was when Esther risked her life and broke through the rigid etiquette of a heathen court, that she obtained favor to rescue her people from death. It was when Jesus took the five loaves and broke them, that the bread was multiplied in the very act of breaking, sufficient to feed five thousand. It was when Mary broke her beautiful alabaster box, rendering it henceforth useless, that the pent-up perfume filled the house. It was when Jesus allowed His precious body to be broken to pieces by thorns and nails and spear, that His inner life was poured out, like a crystal ocean, for thirsty sinners to drink and live.

It is when a beautiful grain of corn is broken up in the earth by DEATH, that its inner heart sprouts forth and bears hundreds of other grains. And thus, on and on, through all history, and all biography, and all vegetation, and all spiritual life, God must have BROKEN THINGS.

Those who are broken in wealth, and broken in self-will, and broken in their ambitions, and broken in their beautiful ideals, and broken in worldly reputation, and broken in their affections, and broken ofttimes in health; those who are despised and seem utterly forlorn and helpless, the Holy Ghost is seizing upon, and using for God's glory. "The lame take the prey," Isaiah tells us.

Strength in my brokenness

I appreciated how Charles reminded me about all the brokenness in scripture and how, within that brokenness, God worked. When I read, "God must have BROKEN THINGS." I stopped...

"...every old scar shows from every time
I broke...and worth a higher price..."

As a woman, raised in a Christian home, my story of who I am comes from many stories of brokenness.  Without brokenness...I would not be the person I am!  And when I say that, I refer not only to the stories of scripture but to my own stories as well. Stories that come from a car accident when I was 5 y.o. which was followed by years of plastic surgery to another car accident forty years later when I broke my neck and had spinal cord injury....and all that happened between and since. The Japanese Bowl that Peter Mayer sings about...the bowl with its cracks filled in gold? What a wonderful way to look at my brokenness!

What a wonderful insight to hold, "God must have broken things..."

"Loving Creator, I come to you with my strengths and my weaknesses, with my light and dark sides. I ask your blessing to be upon me. May I accept and love myself, while I also stretch and grow into ever greater wholeness." (adapted Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 162)

Joyce began the section of The Chipped Cup with a wonderful poem. I liked the entire poem, yet there were some phrases that stood out for me: "...to see the flaws of myself and stop being alarmed.." , "slowly evolving growth the kind that comes in God's own good time and pays no heed to my panicky pushing..",  "...to love my incompleteness..." , and "if I wait to be perfect before I love myself, I will always be unsatisfied and ungrateful..."

The Wednesday Lunch Bunch talked last week about perfectionism.  Most of the group claimed that they were not perfectionist!  I would have said the same thing before reading this chapter.  When I think of a perfectionist I have an image of everything being perfect.   Someone who is uptight.  Someone who is just plain strange!

I do not want to be that kind of person, and I know the Lunch Bunch did not want to be that kind of person, yet, this week I have come to recognize I do have a streak of perfectionism and that it creates an obstacle of sorts between myself and God. 

My perfectionism shows up by my not being happy with "who" I am.  I criticize and compare myself to others rather than celebrating the "me".  "Me" who is a created and cherished child of God.

This past week Joyce challenged me to acknowledge my Shadow.  This week opened my heart to new insights.  I realized there is growth that occurs within my shadow, it is not something I need to keep hidden from myself.  When I consider "shadow" in negative terms, it causes self-doubt and fear to push out my healthy self.  

Mercy, Guidance, Wisdom...all learning, all opening my heart to my true "self".

This work of learning, of transforming, of becoming whole...is hard!  Yet, as I remain faithful to the readings and the journaling, I can sense healing.

Remember the butterflies at Callaway Gardens?  They do not fly until they spread their wings, which act as sort of a solar cell of energy.

That is a bit like this work through Joyce's The Cup of Life. Each reading, each time of journaling helps recharge my "solar cell"...this work fills me with God's energy.  Joyce has talked about you and I being "God's Song" in this world.  I want my life to be a song...

I am leaving my sabbath time today with a heart that is full, yet open.  It is full of peace, joy, and hope.  Like I journaled last night, I still have a lot of "STUFF" on my plate, yet these moments of quiet help me step through them with a bit more sanity than I might have had without.

God, I ask that you continue walking alongside me today.  Teach me to see myself as your beloved and to rest in that love. God, help me appreciate and love my brokenness! Teach me to see how all the pieces of my brokenness make something beautiful. God, help me allow you to work through me to become your song! AMEN.

And Now My Lifesong Sings - Casting Crowns.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week III - Day 6 - The Cup of Wisdom - The Evening Review

Today, I will call on Holy Wisdom at least twice during the day and ask for guidance.  I managed to call, asking for guidance and direction.  Not because I was "on" today as much as I had a reminder. I write on a stone and that served as either a visible or physical nudge during the day. I have used polished stones for various projects through the years, so I have an ample supply.  At first I was drawn to a perfect black stone, but then I realized it looked "perfect."  I have several whitish stones, because they are not my favorites.  They are a "no" color and they are not as interesting as others, so they accumulate.  Imagine my surprise as I reached for a white stone, with deep brown crevices...like cuts or broken places that didn't heal well...

An imperfect stone, a perfect reminder.

I chose the white stone for that very reason. It is much more like my life than the smooth, perfect, colorful...stones.

I have picked it up several times today.  Sometimes I have squeezed it in my hand and sometimes I have traced the broken places.  Sometimes, I have simply held it and lifted up a prayer. Some might say my stone is a crutch, but I don't think God minds my using a crutch.

The heart of worship...may be found at
http://www.christian-artist-resource.
com/heart-of-worship.html

I found a great worship song today that has many of the same thoughts Joyce includes within The Cup of Life:Centre of My Life

I also stumbled across some wonderful Christian art. I thought this image, the heart of worship was beautiful. Because I do not want to lose this resource, I included it beneath the picture.

I considered my broken and healed stone, Centre of My Life song, and this image of the heart of worship, gifts today. God knows this child is visual and tactile. Images, colors, music, texture....speaks to me in ways that words do not always connect. With these gifts, it is much easier for me to let go and be present with Mystery...with Wisdom...with Guidance.

1. How open or aware was I to the presence of God in my day?
2. What kind of nourishment did I receive? What kind of nourishment did I give?
3. Does anything need to be emptied out in order for me to be at peace tonight?
4. For what do I thank God as I prepare to enter into sleep?

Prayer and Guidance by
Mark Anthony Jacobson

I think my action of selecting a stone and writing on it...setting it in front of me or carrying it in my pocket...I think that action created an openness for God to work.  I'm still facing some tough decisions and I still have a heavy schedule. but I am not as edgy this evening.  I can't say I am "peaceful", but I have worked through different challenges and questions today...one at a time. With each step, I have whispered a prayer for guidance and trust.

Even though I am no longer
a young mother, I can relate
to this image!

I came across another blogger today, a young mother.  By the image on her blog, I am guessing she is also feeling frazzled by life. She wrote that she was considering beginning a structured day planner, with a place to check off nearly everything a busy mom would be responsible for doing. She was also setting her watch to buzz once every hour as a reminder to pause...for just a moment to say a prayer.  Her thought regarding prayer was if she became more aware of praying each day, she believed her days would have a different quality to them.  They would still be busy and perhaps a bit frazzled, but she was looking to make each day a walk with God.

I posted a short prayer for this younger sister who seems to be in the throes of life's challenges as well.  Thing is....so many of us are doing our best to survive a frazzled life.  Jesus called us into community...to support and encourage one another.  All to often, we suffer in silence, feeling more frazzled and more disconnected from what is important.

I thank God for the gift of a stone and images that have enabled me to have a few sabbath moments today. I thank God for the gift of music and the gift of friends who listen without judgement.  I thank God for the gift of my grandkids.  The youngest this evening was very vocal, and a bit demanding with "Giz!" I thank God that I don't have to have my life "all together" before coming before him.  I pray that he continues to teach me and to guide me so that I might be his song to others.

For all these things, I thank you, God.  Please give me, and those who are journeying through Lent along with me, peaceful rest tonight.  Rise with us in the morning, giving us a spirit of curiosity and focus.  May we sense your presence during this night and in the days to come. AMEN.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week III - Day 6 - The Cup of Wisdom

Michael Card

I have many favorite artists, often the one I am listening to at the moment is my favorite.  Still, high on my favorites list is Michael Card. I do not think the man has released anything that has not touched my heart and stretched my thinking.  Beginning to read Joyce's thoughts for Day 6, it is storming outside, my youngest is beginning a new job today thus my little ones are being shuffled around very early, I have yet another full day...my heart is cluttered. Michael has one of the clearest and sometimes soothing voices. (Soothing when he isn't stretching my thinking!) Michael's song, Joy in the Journey, came to mind.  Joy in the Journey

My spiritual path sometimes seems dark.
I want to focus on the Light.

I continue to be amazed how Joyce's readings seem to hit me right where I am at this moment.

"I have often mentioned the need for guidance as we look at our less-than-perfect lives. It is easy to deceive ourselves as we walk on our spirtual path. Because we are flawed human creaures, we can get side-tracked. We can lose our focus...We can become absorbed in trying to be someone other than our true selves." (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 82)

Joyce may have realized her reader could begin to feel slightly troubled at this point in the journey. I appreciated her gentle reminder ...

Calvin is ready to help!

"We need wisdom so that we will know when to embrace our imperfect selves with compassion and when to give our imperfect selves a swift kick in the right direction...when to embrace ourselves...when not to give in to ourselves." (Ibid) 

 More than once someone from the Wednesday Lunch Bunch has asked, "How do I know what God wants me to do?"  I have asked that myself. Joyce talks about Guidance being my inner voice, that when I listen, keeps me connected to God.

"It's not that our lives are all mapped out for us by God. The path is rarely a clear, visible, neatly defined one. No, rather Divine Wisdom helps us to discover, each step of the way, how we are to be a loving person in our world with our chipped, flawed condition." (Ibid)

Wisdom cannot get in when I am full.

I have heard that inner voice of mine speaking to me many times...and many times I have chosen to ignore it.  "I" had a plan, and "I" did not want to second guess myself, so "I" charged ahead.  But then, feeling frazzled and overwhelmed, I ask, "How am I to know what God wants me to do?"  

He has tried to tell me...and I did not listen!  He has sent Wisdom to me in the form of another's voice, something on the radio, a song, a poem....but if my cup is filled with my own agenda, I can not "hear" with my heart..

Sound familiar?

Honestly? I know this stuff! Much of what Joyce has written...I know, yet I do not live it well. Wisdom and Guidance have richly blessed me, and I have buried them beneath the clutter of my life. If misery loves company, then I am in good company. Think about the stories in scripture. Think of the psalms. Joyce says that direction for one's spiritual path has always been a need of people who are intent on following God's ways. Once again, I am so thankful that our God is a God of Second Chances.

"Let us trust in this wonderful guide who has been given to us. Let us turn often to ask for guidance and direction for our spiritual path for we, too, need this Wise One to teach us how to be and where to go." (Rupp, p 83)

Breathprayer:
   Breathing in: Send your light...
   Breathing out:...send your truth

turning my cup to each direction...

Reflection:
Hold your cup in your hands.


Recall that you are held in the Wise Hands of God.


As a sign of the all-encompassing guidance and wisdom of God in your life, very slowly and reflectively turn your cup to each of the four directions of the room.


After each turn of the cup, pray Ps 43:3: "O send out your light and your truth, let them lead me."


Journaling:
The area in which I most sense that I need God's guidance is...


I have known the presence of Holy Wisdom when...


Dear Wise One...


I am at a loss.  There are so many areas I need God's guidance.  I have written I am juggling to many commitments and I do not know what to do....other than to try and get through them.  A friend has suggested I seek the advice of a pastor counseling service.  It sounds good, but I don't know where I would plug in one more meeting...that would include me driving two more hours in my week! I am tired and my heart is heavy. A beautiful prayer by Thomas Merton speaks to my current dilemma. A prayer for guidance


.Dear Wise One, I sense that I most need your guidance and your wisdom as I contemplate where and what I am to do.  I feel pulled in two different directions.  I consider my age.  I consider distance. I consider my effectiveness or lack of. I make plans, yet, when I am tired and feeling overwhelmed, how well can I discern your wisdom and guidance as I make those plans?

I can't.

Trust in the Lord...lean not on
your own understanding.

I am like an overfull cup.  My heart tells me you are offering me wisdom and guidance regarding next steps, through my inner voice and through the voice of others.  But that wisdom and guidance are simply spilling out because there is no space in my cup. Thankfully,  I am not so over the top that I cannot sit quietly and recognize this reality. Sitting here with these thoughts, Trust once again nudges my heart. Recognizing how tactile I am, perhaps writing "trust" on a smooth stone to carry in my pocket would be a helpful reminder in the days to come.

I was a bit skeptical about turning my cup to the four corners of my room and praying, "Send out your light and your truth, let them lead me." It seemed a bit much, even for me.  However, it was a similar experience as the Breathprayers.  By the time I reached the last corner, my skepticism had melted away and I was feeling present with Divine Wisdom. I felt a sense of peace. This was a reminder for me to at least honestly try something before judging against.

Prayer:

Holy Wisdom....

Holy Wisdom, as I walk the spiritual path, with my chipped and flawed condition, teach me to be open to your guidance and direction for my life. I believe you want to use me in ways that furthers your kingdom here on earth.  By being still, and being more intentional about offering up prayer...may I make good choices that are reflective of the loving goodness of you. AMEN.


Today:
Joyce asks that I call on Holy Wisdom at least twice during my day and to ask for guidance.  I have a basket of polished stones and a collection of markers...I am going to write "Trust" on a stone as a reminder to ask... This is a habit I want to learn...

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week III - Day 5 - Which Cup is Best? - The Evening Review

Breathing in: I am ___your name___
Breathing out:...thank you God.

Lean not on your own understanding.

It is amazing, a bit scary, incomprehensible, wonderful...to think that I...you...we are loved by the Creator of this magnificent world...and that I...you...we are part of his creation.  God, I cannot get my head wrapped around this notion of love and acceptance.  This Is Where the Healing Begins - Tenth Avenue North

I just looked out my window and see bright sunshine from the west.  Today has been an interesting mix of gray skies, cold, windy, thunder, rain and dark clouds...and now BRIGHT sunshine.  Our God does appreciate a grand sense of diversity within the space of a few hours.

Warm Saganaki and Warm Pita Bread...

I had lunch today with a Sister of Spirit.  We covered a wide range of topics over a Greek Salad and of course some Fried Saganaki.  One more day of being nourished by good food and good fellowship. It is nice being aware of these moments...rather than simply taking them for granted.

The nourishment went both ways during our lunch.  I listened...she listened. Companions in Christ would have considered we were both nourished by the gift of Holy Listening. And within such listening...there is God.

I was also nourished this evening taking a blueberry muffin to my mother-in-law who is dealing with the after effects of radiation and chemo.  I learned that she really enjoyed the muffin I had taken her several days ago.  Since her appetite is cause for concern I don't mind stopping at Panera every time I am out! She was grateful and she would probably say she was the one being nourished....but it was me who felt filled with inner peace as I walked to my car.  Another gift to not be taken for granted.

It is crazy thinking, trying to find their answers to their questions!

Does anything need to be emptied out in order for me to be at peace tonight?


Part of my luncheon conversation dealt with questions and speculations of what people want or expect.  Neither one of us had any "answers" since when asked, those who are unhappy cannot seem to articulate what it is they are unhappy with. So....many questions and no sense of direction.

Still, having written this...I am not exactly anxious.  But, having written this...it is on my heart, so before I turn in tonight I will visually empty out my cup as a reminder to myself that God is within the questions and the lack of direction.  God is present and when I become quiet and present myself...I may gain a sense of where he is leading me.

For what do I thank God for as I prepare to enter sleep?

Trusting that God will hold...

I thank God that I am learning to not hold my stuff so tightly...to open my hands a bit so he can take it...and hold it for me.

I thank God for companions who love me, companions I can trust, allowing me to be honest.  Companions who listen without trying to fix me. These kind of companions are truly a blessing and a gift.

I thank God for the gift of my daughters.  They love me.  They keep me on my toes. They can keep me guessing!

Cup of Wisdom

As I look forward to emptying my cup, I look forward to a gentle rest and peaceful dreams.  May we all have good sleep this evening.  AMEN.

I am leaving home by 5:15 tomorrow morning in order to participate in a Lenten Breakfast.  Day 6 is The Cup of Wisdom.  Now, let me think...wisdom....getting up at 3:30 in order to journal. Wisdom...journaling tonight for tomorrow...and in the process not spending the time with Joyce's thoughts that I need?  Wisdom...I may read the devotion tomorrow and journal later in the day....or I may even wait to begin again on Monday!

Lets hear it for Wisdom!

Many Blessings ~ Sandi

Week III - Day 5 - Which Cup is Best?

2011 Stars and Cast

We live in a world of competition.  We compete at our work...pastors it is how many adult baptisms, teachers, how do the test scores compare to last year, factories, are we keeping the bottom line down and if not, who needs to be laid off....  Our children compete in sports.  We say it is for "fun" but there are high 5's for every win. We turn on the TV at night...and we are hit with competitions. American Idol, Survivor, NCAA Tournament, Biggest Loser, Baseball, Dancing with the Stars...

Every spring, a Cubbie's heart is filled
 with the hope that this might be the year!

Joyce and other spiritual teachers are honest that our sense of competition does not end with stars on TV or sport figures playing their game.  Rumi is quoted as saying: Inside the Great Mystery that is, we don't rally own anything. What is this competition we feel then, before we go, one at a time, through the same gate?


Rumi was a 13th Century poet and Sufi mystic...and he was asking questions about humankind's drive for competition all those years ago.

Sister Shirley Kolmer was 61
when she died. She worked
in Liberia for 9 years.

Joyce tells of an American woman in Liberia with a noticeable gap between her front teeth. In the states, Joyce said, Shirley would have been encouraged to get her teeth "fixed." However, in Liberia a gap in one's front teeth is a sigh of great beauty.

"...I thought of how easily we are seduced by our cultural expectations into what is or is not acceptable." (Joyce Rupp, The Cup of Life, p 80)

Joyce continues, saying, "...constant comparisons and competitions based on what our culture tells us is good looking, attractive, desirous, etc. People end up rejecting themselves or others because they might not have all the 'correct' standards and qualifications. It is not just external looks that are part of the competition; there is also competition for who is the best in spiritual growth. People envy others for their 'holiness' or their ability to pray instead of valuing the way that God is moving uniquely in their own lives..." (Ibid)


Yesterday I asked my friend how (Steve, Chris, Sally...) manage as solo pastor, work on one or more presbytery teams, volunteer in their community,....  He stopped me and reminded me that my need to constantly compare myself with others...is not helpful!  He was right to stop me.  It is not healthy nor helpful to compare myself with others.

Joyce tells us that we ARE NOT meant to be like everyone else.  It is our culture that instills in us the idea that there is something wrong with us, that we are flawed, that we do not measure up...

recovering the soaring sense of
self-presence and self-worth
that makes life worth living

Louise Hart, in her book, On the Wings of Self Esteem, warns: "Comparison sets us up for unhealthy competition. It drives wedges between people, creates separation,and enforces conformity."


"When we consistently compare ourselves with others, we can end up rejecting our self - one of God's beloved creatures - and we follow someone else's dream instead of our own." (Rupp, p 81)


Ouch...I had never really considered that I am rejecting God's work when I compare and strive to work/behave/look....like someone else.

Breathprayer:
   Breathing in: I am __Your Name__...
   Breathing out: ...thank you, God.

Comparison and Competition

Reflection:
Find another cup and set it alongside of yours.
Sit quietly, looking at the two cups.
Enjoy the uniqueness of each cup.
Reflect on your own originality.
Think of yourself with others.
Bring any comparison and competition to God.
Listen to God's message to you.
Offer gratitude to God for who you are.

A vessel of God's love.

Scripture:  Romans 9:19-26
But who indeed are you, a human being, to argue with God? Will what is molded say to the one who molds it, 'Why have you made me like this?' Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one object for special use and another for ordinary use? (Rom 9:20-21)


Journaling:
I fall into the trap of competition and comparison when...
When I reflect on my own uniqueness, I .....
Dear Creator...

It takes humility in order
to move forward.

I fall into the trap of competition and comparison when my schedule is too full and I am feeling frustrated, tired, and overwhelmed.  I am not happy with the work I am producing, or I am not getting other things done, or...

The list could be endless.  The fact is, I am over-committed and I am only human.  Yesterday, talking with my friend, our conversation drifted to the Twelve Steps that Rami Shapiro uses in his book, Recovery. Shapiro suggests that the reader read the entire book and then go back and begin working the program.  I have not made it through the entire book, thus I have only read about the first three steps.  My friend, has read the entire book and has gone back to work the steps...and is still on the 1st Step. We talked about our specific addiction... He honestly exclaimed, "I want to be God!"

We laughed, yet later I wondered if he simply said what is beneath many of our "traps." I am not satisfied by who or what I am....I want to change what God has created...

Now, I want to remind myself that some of what I do not like....is healthy!  I have been journaling for three weeks about my need to control (or "be God"), my over-committed schedule, my sense of overwhelm... All of those things keep me from being the person God created me to be.  They keep me from being present to God and to myself.  Thus, those areas of dissatisfaction are a healthy place for me to be!

When I begin to compare myself to another pastor, another late 50's woman, another mom...

I AM a beautiful child of God!

Those desired "changes" are "me" trying to be someone or something that God did not create me to be!  AND while I am striving to become some other person, I am not being the uniquely gifted child of God I was created to be.

When I reflect on my own uniqueness, I am often surprised!  I truly am a uniquely gifted Child of God when I allow myself to look at me through God's eyes.  Sadly, I do not do this nearly often enough.  I think today's Breathprayer may be an important prayer for me to remember as I continue to work through my commitments.

Today's meditation brought to mind another story, Life is Like a Cup of Coffee. Originally I thought I would begin today's journal entry with this video.  But then...I decided to end with it and to simply let it speak to me and others without any commentary. Life is Like a Cup of Coffee

Prayer: (once again, Joyce offers a wonderful prayer...)
When I look longingly at the gifts of others and forget or deny my own gifts from you, God, lead me to accept myself as I am. When I constantly  compare myself to another, grant me an appreciation for my own distinct personhood. When I get caught in envy, jealousy, gossip, or rejection of myself of others, draw me back to you and teach me m ore about the love you have for each of us. AMEN.

Today: I will not envy others or compete with them.


May this day be full of wonderful discoveries and special delights as you and I offer ourselves moments of God's grace.

Many Blessings ~ Sandi